The Irishman

One day, there was a man walking down a street. Yes, a street. He was wearing a plaid kilt, and really high socks. So anyway he was playing his bagpipe that I forgot to mention while I was explaining his physical attributes (like 90% of all 12 year old scary stories do) and he heard a strange noise... coming from his stomach. He said "Aie, that can't be good, I think I might have had a bit too many beans in that last batch of hummus!" So, he started on his adventure to find a bathroom to take a ferocious, explosive, really bad smelling diarrhea dump into. He went to the local crack house, but they only had urinals. He checked all of the grocery stores... to no avail. He even tried taking a dump in a garbage can in the Dollar Store... Nope, it was too high to take an atrocious, 3 foot wide spray radius, diarrhea dump into. After all, he didn't want to accidentally hose down half the store with molten shit. So, he decided that he had to go to his neighbors house, to use their bathroom.. he got there, and it seemed like there was nobody home. Luckily, he knew where the key was hidden, so he put it in the doorknob, but since he was on the verge of bottoming out, he accidentally broke the key off in the lock. At this point, he was desperate for a toilet to take a big stinky into, to he had to use a garbage can to get up to the 2nd story window. He climbed into the window, and realized in horror that somebody was asleep in the bed in front of him. He decided that since he already caused enough damage, he would just wake up the person to ask them where the bathroom was. He tapped them on the shoulder, and realized it was a young African American girl! She screamed, and it scared the Irishman so badly that he let loose a waterfall of stinky, mostly brown diarrhea in his undies. The Irishman saw a young African American man running towards him from the hallway, so he quickly ran to the bathroom to take off his undies and flush them... when he realized that the young boy meant buisness, the Irishman decided it was too late, and quickly jumped back out of the window where he entered.

The next day, on the local news, he saw the face of the young man... he was saying to "hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, and hide yo' husband.. cause they fuckin' EVERYBODY out here."

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