Bill O Riley writes a clopfic: Difference between revisions

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Today is an average day, it's almost closing time at your work place. You're an assistant manager at a Costco superstore where you don't do anything but sit around pushing paper and act like a dickhead because you have a type A personality and yell all the time. You get frustrated easily because you can't get laid because you're ugly. Almost all your employees hate you because you're useless and play games on the computer in your office all day. Even the head store manager thinks you're a scrawny limp wrist pile of dog s**t; he shook your hand once; your handshake is weak and clammy like a senile elderly woman, it disgusts him.

As you pull out of the parking lot you turn your radio on. Your taste in music is almost as bad as Rick Perry at debating. You're listing to Dub Step as loud as your stock stereo can go and turn up the bass with out adjusting the treble like an asshole. Your truck vibrates the parking lot. It sounds like your truck is about to fall apart as the booming bass vibrates the cheap plastic panels in the interior. You think it makes you look cool so you roll all your windows down so people can see your nasty acne ridden face. The simple drum loop and obnoxious computer generated noises is easy for your simple mind to comprehend so it soothes your anger. Everybody in traffic around you hates you.

 

 

As you drive along you notice a small red Ford Fiesta tailgating you. You feel superior in your big truck so you give it a quick brake job. It swerves and screeches its brakes but you drive like you're from New York and shouldn't have been riding your brakes anyway. The driver throws his little 5-speed fiesta into 2nd and burns rubber. He shoots around you and cuts you off at the next traffic light. You just got on the wrong side of the leader of the local chapter of the Hell's Angels and he just dropped his hog off at the shop and was using a loner car.

Meanwhile Bill O'Reilly arrives at an expensive Italian restaurant in a limo that cost's more than your life. I order the most expensive thing on the menu and my bill is in the triple digits. I pay it with pocket change and don't even leave a tip. Because I'm Bill O'Reilly.

 

 

 

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