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{{NSFW}}
Monday: I farted.
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Patrick Stewart appeared and brought me back to life! (He's a necromancer, didn't you get the memo?) But then Jeff The Killer popped out of mah toilet brandishing a zanpakutō and Evil Chelnoxxx was throwing fireballs at me! NOW WHAT DO I DO
MEANWHILE...
Officer K Evans.
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Wait, who knocked on my door and who is phone
Heron: I was phone! *a heron beak comes out of his phone* *officer Evans drops the phone, freaked out*
The knocking is getting louder, and oh christ I think I stepped on broken glass!
Officer R. DirtyLimerick
The following note by Officer K. Evans was the last note he wrote. Police found him lying in a puddle of blood and broken glass. As a sidenote, Officer Gladidski has tourettes and might be writing again soon.
Officer N. Gladidski
WE FOUND THE SHIT IT'S SCARY AND WHEN WE FOUND IT OFFICER DIRTYLIMERICK F_CKED IT! DIE B_TCH AHAHAHAA F_CK!
Officer O. Fficer
Gladidski and DirtyLimerick are dead. It was New Years Eve 2011. During the count down, a brief image of Patrixxx was seen. Reporters there at the time say "What an ugly Starfish." Shortly after, screaming and blood was heard at the Police Station. DirtyLimerick and Gladidski were still on the case about a second ago. But I recieved a text message from Gladidski saying they had finished and started a case on Evil Captain Bawyer and Ninja Herobrine's relation to the huge crap the original subject had found. He also said DirtyLimerick would call me and they wanted me back at the station. I was walking, and sure enough, Dirty called me. He was starting to tell me the details when suddenly intense screaming came up and the screen turned on. I saw Dirty and Gladidski laying in a pool of blood. A blurry note was seen, but as the phone slipped off the side of Dirty, I had a better view.
"The Glass Beast was Here."
OH NO. HE CALLED ME A HOLLABACK GIRL.
Suddenly I heard low buzzing behind me. I turned around and there was Jeff The Killer. No, wait. It LOOKED like him at first but as he got closer I could see he had pink eyes, enlarged forearms, claws that seemed to be extentions of his fingers, a tail that ended in a two-pronged black stinger, and four blood-red, dragonfly-like wings sticking out of his back. Its claws were soaked in blood.
And soon, more of them came through the door. Dozens and dozens of the horrific creatures. Panicking, I fired my gun at them. They dropped like flies when shot, but there always seemed to be more of them. Soon I was surrounded and out of ammo.
They tied me to a chair, and one of them stepped forward. This one looked different from the rest; it had an eyepatch, batlike wings instead of insect-like ones, and four arms. It was carrying an ornate pillow, on which was sitting...well, it looked like some sort of tiny, four-armed mutant baby with Jeff The Killer's face, only with HUGE pink eyes and that same stinger-tipped tail. The small creature spoke with a surprisingly loud voice. "You're pretty smart...FOR A HUMAN! A pity you had to interfere with my plans."
"Your plans?!"
"Don't play dumb with me, smelly ape. I know you were trying to uncover my plot to put laxatives in the city's water supply so that humans would be too bloated and miserable to stop my troops. Well, now you're going to become my slave! Jack, place me on his neck."
Suddenly, a tall shape passed by the window. It looked like an extremely tall, thin man wearing a top hat and a black three-peice suit with multicolored dots on it, but I couldn't make out his face. The small creature hissed. "CURSES! It's him! Evacuate! Evacuate!"
The Jeff-creatures scrambled out of the building. The tall man came closer and closer to the window. My heart was racing. Whoever or whatever this man was, he was powerful enough to scare those monsters away. Now I could make out his face...or ''was'' it actually his face? It looked like a painted-on smiley face.
He opened the window and climbed in. He had extremely long black clawed fingers, and tentacles with brass ball bells at the ends of them sprouted out of his back. He came right up to me and said, in an eerie, otherworldly voice...
"Hey, would you like a balloon?"
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