Devil SATAN666@lucifer.exe: Difference between revisions
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I used to love to email people. In fact,
It was a normal Monday (ugh), and I was on my Yahoo account, xXemailfan999Xx@yahoo.com. I was emailing everyone I could, my mom, my dad, my brother who was in Iraq, my sister who was probably getting wasted right now, my boss, my ex-girlfriend, and a few others. It was great. I always had fun finding the most unique ways to send emails to people, and I was constantly messaging my family. They had told me to stop, but I
But today, something was different.
I was going through my inbox, which I cleared every 30 minutes, sifting through all sorts of emails. I had emails from news websites, from webstores and WalMart.com advertising some shitty deals, several porn messages which I
It opened up a new page, but this was different than the normal Yahoo webpage. Instead of the white and purple of the website, everything was red and black, with blood dripping from the Yahoo logo. I was mildly perturbed, and slightly aroused at this. I then saw the message that was sent to me. It was on a rather clean white background, with blood coming off of the top of the email under the
This is what it read...
<blockquote>Dear ''Jesús,''<br>
''I want you to know that I have been watching you for a long time. Quite a long time.
He had a link below.
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<blockquote>''TheBeast666.exe''<br>
''LuciferIsKing.txt''<br>
''I hope that you consider these options.
''- The Devil''</blockquote>
I was slightly confused. Who could have sent these weird emails? What was with all the satanic names and stuff? Why was there blood on the webpage? There were so many questions left unanswered. However, I figured, since
I continued to email shit for 5 hours and finally decided I should give those things from the email a try. Well, I
I first opened up Internet Explorer and went to Yahoo, my favorite search engine. I then pasted the link I had saved from the email earlier into the url bar and hit enter. After 5 minutes of waiting because Internet Explorer is a piece of shit, it finally opened the webpage. It was certainly shocking.
The webpage was a dark black, with the words "YOUR SOUL IS MINE" written in very cheesy
I looked at these options for a while, contemplating what to do. All the options had their bad sides. I decided to pick hit her, because she was blonde, she would think she hurt herself anyway. Suddenly, the bloody text said "
I picked stroke her, and luckily the bloody text said "I SEE YOU
WISE CHOICE said the bloody text. This game continued like this for around 9 minutes and 54 seconds, when I was finally greeted to a screen which read in hyper realistic bloody letters, "CONGRATULATIONS! EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE A REBELLIOUS DOUCHE, YOU STILL CAN SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL! CLICK ON THE ICON FOR BUSINESS DEALINGS WITH SATAN AND HOW TO SAVE $25 WITH YOUR INITIAL SIGN UP."
What the hell?
Things were getting really freaky, and I thought about reading through LuciferIsKing.txt. I figured why not, since it was 6:49, and I had nowhere to go for the next three days, so I quickly went and fired up the text file. The file was like any ordinary text file, only the letters were blood red, and read somewhat like this...
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I stared at this small file for a little bit. It seemed like a whack prayer. Damn Catholics! Those stupid chants of theirs are so catchy. I closed the text file and realized it had been thirty minutes since I had checked my email, so I quickly shot back to Yahoo, which still looked bloody and dark. I quickly shot to my inbox and saw only one email. It was from that same user from earlier, the one who sent me the depraved shit. His email said this...
<blockquote>''Hey Jesús,
''I see you
''- The Devil, but you can call me Satan''</blockquote>
It was beginning to come clear to me. The
"WOW!" I shouted to myself, unable to contain my excitement for figuring out the situation, "
<blockquote>''Wrong guess, moron.''
''- Lucifer, A.K.A. the fucking DEVIL''</blockquote>
I was completely lost at this point. I figured that maybe
I began to walk down the hall, a feeling of dread washing over me. What was down this hall? Afterall, I was in a long and dark hallway. What if it meant to hurt me? Would I be safe? I asked myself this for a while until I remembered I
As I stepped out, I was shocked at what I saw.
I saw a large courtroom of Demons, Nazis, and Communists, all standing on the ground, looking up. On a high pedestal was Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and a strange red figure who I
Suddenly, I heard a booming voice, which said,
At that point, I realized something. It had clicked inside my head. I knew who this individual was. I stood tall, mustering all the strength I had in me, and I said, "FUCK YOU GRANDMA!"
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Silence.
I still
And that, is why I never use email again.
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[[Category:Cliche Madness]]
[[Category:Trollpasta]]
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