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{{NSFW}}
{{Note credit|This is a parody of the original TV show with everyone being an adult now. I hope you enjoy this. Thanks for reading. Written by YoloSwag1}}
Prologue
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"So you want me to fantasize over Sora? Like when we knew her?"
"Ew no that would mean that you were fantasizing over a
"Jesus christ. Can we stop talking about what I fantasize over and do something productive?" T.K. found a empty notebook and started to write. "How about we write of our adventures at the digital world?"
First Arc:
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Ken woke up and found a paper. "Sam died lol."
"Fuck." Ken said and then the swear counter went to explosion. Wow and he wasn't even
Ken walks to Susan's house and cries. "I fucking love you." Ken declared and they got naked and had wild sex. They forgot protection so she got pregnant.
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"She rejected me." Joe said and ran away to summer camp.
"What is your age?" Eric the head guy asked and Joe said
"Matt is 23, Tai and Sora are nineteen, Izzy and Mimi are 20, and T.K. is twenty-one." Joe read and then went to the cabin.
"Let's go on a adventure." Joe told them and then a wave came in and sucked them in.
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The group found Gennai walking up to them. "Our digimon are dead." Tai cried and Gennai laughed so hard you thought he was going to start coughing.
"Seriously you can't see the eggs you fucking idiots!?" Gennai pointed down at the ground and the eggs were all there. "Well besides Angemon. They're totally gone."
"Anyways there is a quest. To make digimon more powerful, you must find the tags." Gennai explained and then left. "Find them in a place called Server." He added in as a last second message.
"Let's do it." T.K. was saying like he was the leader. Then Joe got a Jeremy Renner face which scared the living fuck out of him. T.K. then left again like he does in every story arc.
The group started to go Sever and reached their by plot devices. Once there they found a evil digimon over lord. "My name is Etemon and I will stick around for fucking ever."
They started to play horrible rap music and Sora wanted to scream due to how awful it was.
Some bunny digimon found them and fought them. "These are harder than I thought." T.K. said as he fought them since he was the only who could do anything now. After the fight Tai got his tag and his egg hatched.
The group walked into a empty house. "I'm gay and adopted." Izzy confessed to the group and they really couldn't care less. Matt laughed in rejection to show he was not going to date him.
Afterwards the group slept and then Joe snuck out and reached a stadium. Tai came to him. "If you fuck up I have to fight in your place." Tai admitted and then the rest of the group came in. "Shit. I was wanting to make out with you." Tai said to nobody in particular.
Then Etemon came on screen. "Please don't." Etemon requested and then snapped their finger. A evil Greymon came in. Tai had Agumon become Greymon and fought the evil one. Joe found his tag under a field goal. Tai wanted to use his tag but it didn't work and he got a giant angry Godzilla rip off. They ripped other Greymon up and started to tear the place apart.
"God damn it Nappa." Etemon was saying and nobody got the joke. Then Ken came in with a different outfit from his evil one.
"I got a fire in my ass!" Ken yelled as he shot a giant beam wave out of his hands.
"WOW! When did this turn into DBZ?" Mimi asked in utter confusion and Ken defeated angry Greymon and they became Agumon again. After Joe picked up his tag his egg hatched.
"Etemon is fucking evil and I hate you all but I hate Etemon more so for now which later translates to the rest of the story I will be working with you." Ken told them and they started walking.
They found a treehouse which was Piximon's and they got a bit of training. Izzy got his tag and his egg hatched. Piximon then reveals a prophecy.
"You save the world. You guys digivolve. Angemon dies. T.K. is jedi. Davis and Daemon team up. Four horsemen rip offs will be evil later. Somebody dies I guess. Female Angemon comes in." Piximon pretty much gave the prophecy as bluntly as that. The group left the place.
That night the group was asleep when Matt was at a lake. He put his head in for no real reason. There was vision. "Oh my god what the fuck is happening?" Matt asked when he realized his dad used to be awesome and fought the D-Reaper until he married his mother who was over thirty years younger than him.
Matt pulled his head out of the water and saw Sora taking a swim. He had the largest boner ever.
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While that happened the group found a boat. "Free spa you know you love it." The sign said and the group walked in to get in the spa. Everybody got naked and there was a large fucking digidestined orgy. Which unlike a Sonic orgy where you burn the whole fucker down you record the whole fucker.
Then a chicken digimon came in but then Mimi told them fuck off and defeated them somehow and she got her tag and her digimon hatched into Palmon again.
"That was the most hot thing I had ever dealt with in my entire life." Joe was saying as the whole group agreed.
Then they walked into Mines of Moria rip off. "This is so dark and brody." Matt was saying in his best attempt to be edgy. Then the group found a book that told them get out. So they left but after fighting Balrog rip off and then Matt got his tag and egg to hatch. I just realized that the Izzy and Matt tag find were in reverse.
Anyways the group found T.K. and he led them to Metal City where he introduced them to the massively dick like council. They rejected them so they had to doe the fight all alone.
The group found a large digimon that looked like Datamon and then they said. "My name is Datamon. How are you gentlemen? All your tags are belong to us." Then Tai told them fuck off and Greymon digivolved to MetalGreymon with their tag and then defeated Datamon but they were sent to earth. Sora got her tag and her egg hatched.
Ken and T.K. fought Etemon and Etemon had killed Ken who was saying that the reason Ken was evil was because Sam died and there was a digimon that took his mind over and no matter how much he wanted to chance he just couldn't. "You changed yourself. You are redeemed." T.K. said his forgiveness before Ken died. Then he had a five hour long fight with Etemon and then killed him eventually. Then after the group had won they reached the council again.
"You will be granted any wish you so damn well please." Gallantmon the head of council said.
"We wish for Ken to be revived." Tai submitted the wish as the leader and Ken was revived now as a good team member.
"We won't train him." Gallantmon told Gennai who said that he was the best hope. "Find but just you." Gallantmon gave in and there was a celebration.
"Where did Ignitemon and Bearmon go?" Mimi asked in utter confusion and they agreed to let it go. They won't be showing up again lol.
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This is the digimon equal to Cell Saga. So of course expect a shit ton of time travel stories and weird ass stuff that makes no fucking sense.
The group left the Metal City building and started walking around to just enjoy the scenery. "Wow this is better than any fucking Zack fucking Snyder film." Mimi was saying as she was looking at everything. Joe had a boner from her because she was hot and he had lust.
"Can we please make a fucking movie?" Izzy asked wanting to be useful for once.
Suddenly the group found a city and a church. "Let's study religion in this fucking hell hole." Ken decided and the group walked inside. Once inside they saw a wedding getting ready.
"Fuck me Mimi." Dukemon said the milisecond they saw her. There was a wedding thing and the group tried their best to save Mimi while Ken was breaking the secret of the fake money there. Matt fought Dukemon who almost killed him lol. T.K. fought off the guards while the other group members were saving Mimi and getting the fake money out and burning it.
Without any sort of resolution, Matt woke up a few days later and saw that only Ken was there with him. They started to walk away and found a place the group was at later.
It was a place ruled by Myotismon oops that is the villain here. So then the group fought their minions and suddenly found a gate to Earth. So suddenly they went inside with Myotismon soon following.
"We must defeat them." T.K. pointed out the perfectly obvious when they were in a meeting.
"Let's do our own shit to do it." Sora decided and the group split up seven ways.
Meanwhile T.K.'s wheelchaired bound friend Davis found Daemon. Who was secretly a villain prior but soon won't be.
"Davis let's join forces." Daemon suggested as Davis was confused.
"Aren't we enemies?"
"That was a hundred and twenty years ago and besides nobody read Digimon Origins." Daemon said and the two teamed up.
Sora saved a light house from elephants and her mother died from a fire digimon but it was okay since her tag of love glowed when she died. Then she met a gross greasy guy who worked at the lighthouse even though he looked like he was working at fast food and hadn't ever taken care of his acne since he was
As that happened Izzy met Davis while with Tentomon and Davis was with Daemon. Davis explained how there was a villain that was the killer of Sam named Owikawa (or the ten thousandth Eddie in the expanded universe). Then Davis explained how he went back in time when he was first born because Davis was fighting a digimon called who gives a shit to spell it mon. Then he grew up here and then was now evil to get back to his time line. Daemon is a enemy before because Davis made this world you know as the digital world when he was only a stupid young adult and Daemon wanted me to die but now they are team mates. So now with all that aside, Izzy felt mind fucked. Then Myotismon came in and broke his back like how Zoom did and he was put in his bedroom bed to recover. Owikawa came in and injected a poison into him. When he walked out of the room, Izzy died in a matter of just minutes from the poison.
Elsewhere, Ken had a epic fight. He created a digimon called BlackWarGreymon and had a fight with it and shit. They nearly destroyed most of the city and many people fucker died lol. Then Ken did some shit and took a rest at Tai's house. Tai's mother went into labor and while dealing with BlackWarGreymon he was leading her to the hospital. Once there he did some great power up and used his power up to attack and defeat BlackWarGreymon. He then fell down onto the hospital bed. The labor was completed and the baby was a girl named Kari. As a reward for his hard work, Tai's father gave him a new set of clothes. His winter outfit. Saying that it is his gift to him and said that when Kari is old enough, if Ken was single, he would be more than honored for him to marry Kari. Which surprised Ken since he was like twenty now.
Afterwards, Ken walked to Susan by. "Hey how is you?"
"I have a son Ken." Susan said and then told him who he was. "He is three years old now. You are the father. His name is Lucas Harold Ichijouji."
"I want to help raise him." Ken said and she agreed to let him help her. Which mean that Ken was now a father figure.
Elsewhere, Mimi was at the park. She talked about how she gets off on death and how she wants to die so she can get off twenty ties over. Then she talked about how she likes really old ass dudes. Then she fought a digimon and went home where she found out her father was a sperm donor. He has like a hundred offsprings lol that fucking idiot.
Elsewhere, Jim Joe's older brother met his friends from the past again. Their names were Koji, Takuya, Zoe and Tommy. He then confronted his girlfriend and found that she was pregnant lol. His group of ex friends decided to write out the events of their life in a story.
Elsewhere, Matt sucked and then found Davis and Daemon who explained there was a rewrite they needed to do. So Davis used a plot convient time machine to go back in time and restart this. Or at least enough time to prevent Izzy from dying and shit. But still somehow keep the events of Kari being born and him learning of his son. It's fucking confusing.
Then afterwards all the group got in a meeting and decided they needed to be more careful now with Matt using his first timeline knowledge to convince them. "Yeah that shit never works." When asked about his wheelchair, Davis explains that he was hit by a car lol and had permanent knee paralysis.
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"I fucking miss you son and I wish that you were there to see your mothers death and I feel terrible. Please come home with me and you can see like your twenty trillion brothers again." Gallantmon begged the head of Ford INC.
"Fine I will join." The head of Ford INC said and Gallantmon went to his wives grave and his wife was named Jeri.
T.K. got praise from Gennai and Gallantmon for exceeding their expectations. T.K. walked around until he found a woman. Her name was Lily or some generic bullshit. They fell in love and they made out like fucking fuck. They were also blushing worse than fucking porn. T.K. had a nineteen inch boner and she felt it. They had sex.
Elsewhere Davis wrote a letter to a woman named Yolei declaring his love. He talked to her about everything and how much lust he had for her even though she's like twenty and he is nearly five hundred.
A Myotismon servant named Wizardmon met a woman named Julie and fell in love with her. They were a great couple. Wizardmon X Julie for fucking ever. Then Myotismon killed Julie and Wizardmon wanted revenge. So he trained with Gennai and started to go up Radio Tower.
Skip to the battle of Radio Tower. Davis confessed his creation of digital world creating while standing up despite his paralysis like Pearl Harbor and Yolei came in and made out with him as hot as fuck. They started to take off their clothes quickly and stuff. Everybody left besides Daemon who recorded and made a sex tape out of it.
Radio Tower battle happened. Nothing matters in it besides Joe and Mimi kissing and shit, Izzy nearly dying again but not, Cody being extra epic, Sora falling in love again with somebody, Wizardmon killing Myotismon after getting shot by lady Angemon arrows like the prophecy and him being more crippled than a movie hero at the end and him going to Julie's grave spot and said that he did it, then climaxing in Eddie confessing his crimes to Ken and nearly killing him but Matt killed himself to erase Eddie from ever happening. "PINGAS!" Matt yelled as his last words and a couple years later that would become Robotnik's main line in Sonic. Matt had a funeral but who cares.
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The group was in the digital world where they saw the Horsemen rip off. "MetalSeadramon, Puppetmon, Machinedramon, and of course the super fabulous Piedmon." The leader Piedmon was saying and then the group was forced to split up like a terrible action movie.
"I fucking hate these villains. I want to finally have a ending to this god damn story." Izzy was saying as he was was beginning to show his fatigue of this story much like how everybody else was.
First defeat was when Ken had found MetalSeadramon. "Hey Ken I thought you were evil." MetalSeadramon said and Ken blew his loads all over their inside.
"Not after I helped them defeat Etemon and Myotismon and started to raise my son. I am the only character in this god damn abridged parody that has even the tiniest ounce of character development!" Ken yelled and then started to walk away. There was a explosion as he walked away. Suddenly a gun was in his hands. Making it totally like Shadow the Hedgehog. "Plus, I'm ten times more bad ass now."
"Is this ever going to be expanded on at any moment?" A voice over the story asked and Ken held up his hands and made himself look even more bad ass. Now imagine this pose and replace him with Shadow the Hedgehog. Now you have the cover of that fucking game.
The second one that was defeated was Puppetmon. "I love war you motherfuckers!" Puppetmon yelled in a high pitched voice that literally everybody fucking ever heard.
"What are we going to do?" Tai asked in a Jay and Silent Bob type of way as the group found their funny play house as Puupetmon liked to call it.
"This is super odd." T.K. said as he looked around and realized that their house was like a control room of what the digidestined were doing at the moment. Which really made no sense the more you think about it. But he turned off the button and it failed now.
"No you sons of a bitches!" Puppetmon yelled ans shot their guns and hit everybody two or three times and it was a miracle they were still alive after that. "I need to fucking win."
"I am Sora and I am fucking tired of this shit." Sora said and she had Biyomon digivolve to her ultimate form and they started to burn Puppetmon.
"Besides, I need to have something to do in this story to show how awesome I am and to show that I deserve to win somebody." Sora was saying and she took her hat off. Then she threw it on the ground which was to declare that she was a now independent woman.
"But my trash hasn't been taken out." Puppetmon shot out their trash from their you know what and everybody felt gross watching digimon climax. Then Kabuterimon burned them and then Joe with his Ikkakumon harpoon torpedo.
"Nobody cares at all about your trash and you are even more stupid than I thought you were if you think I do." Joe was telling Puppetmon when they were finally dead.
Afterwards Mimi decided to leave because she had become a fucking prep and didn't want to deal with the whole fighting anymore. Joe joined her where he said that he loved her and she said that she liked him but she was a bitch and they didn't get together for the time being which made Joe cry. "This whole thing is just so stupid and ridiculous. I just wished there was a single thing that made at least a tiny fucking lick of sense."
"Believe me I think everybody is totally lost in this one. Just as much as you are." Joe was telling Mimi as a supporter and then put his hands on her back like he was trying to provide support for her.
Sudden a metal digimon came in and then fought them but then Joe and Mimi were sincere so their tags glowed and their partners became ultimate form. Leomon came in and Leomon died like usual and Ogremon cried. Joe and his partner killed the metal digimon and Mimi decided to give him a kiss in victory.
"Don't you think that that digimon looked a awful lot like Etemon? Whatever Etemon is already dead so there is no way that it is them. Maybe I am just going crazy." Mimi was saying and Joe looked at her as if that was already well shown.
"We should try and find the group again." Joe decided when he realized that he liked the company of everybody more overall.
Izzy was walking around and fell into a hole.
"Oh great now I am fucking Alice in Fucking Wonderland." Izzy was saying as he was wiping his dust off of him. He hated that god damn movie because none of it was gothic or cool to him.
In the hole he was working on a design for a dragon. "This must be my moment of glory." He was telling himself the entire time he was working on it. He was just sure of it.
The design was complete after what was probably hundreds of hours and even more hundreds of hours to make the actual dragon and the dragon was made. He then used the dragon to fly him out and flew to a pyramid. There he fought another dragon and with his dragon and his new digivolution from knowledge shit, he defeated the dragon.
"I thought I had a original idea when I made that dragon. I guess I don't. But I showed that my fucking dragon is better than that fucking dragon. So it doesn't matter." Izzy said as he patted his dragon happily. Then the dragon flew him in the direction of the group.
When this was happening Tai and Sora found a metal city. Not the same as Metal City. Don't ask... just don't.
"Wow this looks like a horrible dystopia. Still better to be in than the world of Pokemon." Tai was saying as he was checking out how awful it was. It was mainly awful because some houses were taken down.
Sudden Machinedramon showed up.
"God fucking damn it. Can we have like one damn moment without a battle? This is getting annoying." Sora complained when she realized this was yet another battle. Tai had courage and Sora had love so their partners digivolved when they found Machinedramon and helped destroy it when Andromon came in.
"I go you stay no follow." Andromon said and then went to Machinedramon and blew themselves up as a heroic give up. Like if you cried every time.
"That was over climatic." Tai said in sadness and then the group started walking back to where everybody was.
On top of the evil mountain T.K. found Piedmon.
"You are the final asshole to defeat. I can't fucking wait." T.K. said and he took out his lightsaber ripoff while Piedmon took out old style swords.
"I will kill everybody in this digital world. Then once I do it I will make a new world and then try to make it the best to my vision." Piedmon gave off every cliche villain ever as Piedmon made a cut on T.K.'s arm. But then T.K. hit back and that started their sword fight. T.K. sliced Piedmon in half. "That is what you fucking get for being clown Hitler." T.K. told Piedmon and then there was a victory dance. He was just so happy they had won. He traveled back to the group and there was a moment of pure happiness.
"We had come so far and grown so much. Lets never forget this damn adventure." Ken said and made a final toast. Most of them talked as if the events of Matt had never happened. The group went back to human world and partied. Let's just say that it was a total miracle that these people managed to avoid getting arrested for the shit that they had done when they were having their party. Now this story will forever go down in historical archives as the greatest thing fucking ever.
Several years later
There is a epilogue. Davis and Yolei married and had a shit ton of babies among the mix only like one or two was a girl. Joe and somebody got together Mimi, Sora, or Sarah, take your pick and they had twin boys. Cody became famous and published the script to a movie called The Concador. He never got married or had
Scary Reveal
In Davis's bedroom with Daemon (right after the Myotismon battle), Daemon pressed red button on the wheelchair and the Davis in there fell asleep. Showing that the Davis we knew was actually just a clone. Daemon took off their hood and revealed himself to be the real Davis. The difference was that this one had no face. Meaning that his head was just that. He had no eyes or mouth or ears or nose or hair. Literally nothing. "I am God." Davis said and it was then a pretty obvious give away that he was actually the main villain this whole entire story.
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