Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special): Difference between revisions

Hello, my name is BurningTorrent I’mI'm a special snowflake who

introductions. I’mI'm getting straight to the fucking story this time. No more bs.

Ah…Ah... August 31^st 2015. It’sIt's been one year since I joined

all have good premises, but I have 0% motivation to write them because I’mI'm

shit) or I simply can’tcan't be arsed.

than it’sit's worth. I’mI'm writing these things and rotting away whilst doing so. I’mI'm

“Oh"Oh for fuck’sfuck's sake!”" I angrily mumble to myself, getting

“Look"Look, I know I have an affinity for opening up time-space

rips to this world, but this is ridiculous.”" I say to everyone standing in the

“We"We don’tdon't wanna cause any shit. We’reWe're here mainly for fan

service, but there’sthere's another reason we’rewe're here as well.”" HABIT paused.

“Firebrand"Firebrand has gone missing. And you’reyou're the only one who can help us.”"

“Nope"Nope, not doing it.”" I walk back down the stairs and the

“Look"Look m9, we need to find him or he’she's going to kill

everyone.”" Jussiu says. Why is he even here anyway?

“Fine"Fine. But you owe me a free KFC after this.”"

“Ok"Ok.”" They say as we are teleported to some weird pocket

Meanwhile…Meanwhile... (OMINOUS MUSIC.)

“Firebrand"Firebrand. Have you got the dank good shit?”" A mysterious

“Why"Why yes, I have.”" Firebrand gets a briefcase and opens it,

“Aww"Aww yeh dats sum gud shit, gut shit rite dere.”" The figure

Brando. (If you haven’thaven't figured out why the title has Firebrando in it instead

“So"So, how do you suppose we should find him?”" I ask everyone

“Well"Well, we can’tcan't ask Slendy because he’she's too done with this

shit. He walks out like every fucking day. He’sHe's still going through his

rebellious phase. He’sHe's left the collective like 1000 times already.”" The

“What"What about Noah? Do you think he could have some sort of

weird ability that could help us to find where the bastard is?”"

“Omg"Omg we didn’tdidn't think of that! Well done Captain Obvious!”"

Well, it wouldn’twouldn't have been the first thing I’dI'd have thought of, but then

“Alright"Alright guys, stop with the banter. I have an idea as to

where he could be.”" Tim suddenly interrupted the conversation.

“Oh"Oh yeah? And where would that be?”" Jay questioned Tim.

“In"In YO MOM!”" Oh my fucking God, did he really just drop that

diss on us, I really can’tcan't believe that people still find that offensive omfg.

“OH"OH MASKY, SHOW ME YOUR WAYS!”" Jay said ironically.

“Guys"Guys, this is serious I’mI'm fucked in a lot of ways if we

don’tdon't get something done about this. I don’tdon't want to have to confront ‘the'the

tentacles’tentacles' ever again, you got that?”" The Observer yelled.

“I"I WANT TO RIDE THE TENTACLES.”" NOPE. DOOM THE TIMELINE; I’MI'M

“Alex"Alex, stop.”" Jay responded.

“No"No.”" Play every single MLG sound effect you can think of

“WILL"WILL MY TORMENT NEVER END?”" The Observer raged.

“Wait"Wait. Why don’tdon't we wait for Firebrand to go to Noah and

ambush him then?”" I suggest.

“Alright"Alright, we’llwe'll do that, it’sit's the only good suggestion we’vewe've

had so far.”" HABIT replied.

“Yeah"Yeah ok then.”" The Observer agreed.

find ourselves outside of Noah’sNoah's house.

“Everyone"Everyone shut the fuck up and don’tdon't make a sound.”" I

“HERE"HERE COMES THE SON!”" The Observer kind of shout whispers. I

don’tdon't know the word if there is one, and fuck if I’mI'm searching it up.

“Shut"Shut the fuck up!”" HABIT mumbles hatefully.

Firebrand walks over to Noah’sNoah's house as we all watch from

“Get"Get ready to fuckin go.”" Jussiu murmurs.

“We’re"We're going on a mission, start the countdown.”" I sing.

“5"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO!”" Allini chimes in and we run from the

bushes and go into Mr Maxwell’sMaxwell's house.

“Imma"Imma go find Noah.”" HABIT says. He goes off and we are left

“YOU’VE"YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!”" Firebrand rushes out of the

“What"What the fuck is this? Everyone in his group except for Big

dankest ass motherfuckers the multiverse had to offer didn’tdidn't we?”" I question

“Kono"Kono Dio Da!”" I hear a familiar voice. No, tell me it isn’tisn't

so! My friend’sfriend's senpai walks into the room. Dio, Bitchin’Bitchin', Brando.

“Well"Well we’rewe're fucked time to go.”" Tim and Jay run out of the

“Goodbye"Goodbye everyone, it was nice knowing you.”" I say, somehow

“So…"So... Are you Egbert or Cena?”" I ask John.

“Cebert"Cebert.”" Close enough.

“OH"OH YEAH BABY LIKE THAT!”" We all hear coming from the back

“I’m"I'm done. Everyone retreat. Give these people some privacy.”"

“SPACE"SPACE-TIME RIP MASTER RACE YOU PIECE OF ASS!”" Alex shouts

“HABIT"HABIT, WHEN YOU’REYOU'RE DONE IN THERE WE’REWE'RE GOING!”" The Observer

“In"In a minute, OH YEAH BABY!”"

“Well"Well, now I know why his name rhymes with rabbit…”rabbit..." The

“If"If you don’tdon't mind, we’rewe're going to go wait outside.”" Jussiu

“Go"Go find Tim and Jay while you’reyou're at it. Fucking pussies.”"

“Sure"Sure, whatever Kev.”" Jussiu goes outside. “TIM"TIM, JAY,

THERE’STHERE'S A GAY SEX PARTY GOING ON AND YOU’REYOU'RE INVITED!”"

“OH"OH BOY!”" Jay comes rushing over with Tim. “Where’s"Where's the

GSP?”"

“There"There isn’tisn't one.”" He stops before quietly adding “Unless"Unless

you want to join in with Noah and Evan…”Evan..."

“Oi"Oi, guys get ready to go.”" I step out onto the porch,

“Call"Call me, Noah!”" HABIT shouts. Noah just looks annoyed.

“Yeah"Yeah, sure whatev…”whatev..." He stops mid-sentence. “IT’S"IT'S YOU,

OBSERVER FUCK!”" Great, more conflict that could have been easily avoided.

“Aww"Aww shit idiot!”" (The only reason it was Ok for him to say

the N word is because he’she's black IRL and as The Observer.)

“So"So, did anyone else like the chicken, I thought the chicken

was lovely!”" I say, realising that we hadn’thadn't eaten chicken or anything for that

“Let’s"Let's just go.”" The Observer says and we all enter the rip

“STOP"STOP SENDING ME SEXTS YOU ABSOLUTE…ABSOLUTE...!”" He couldn’tcouldn't finish

“So…"So... John. You know anything about Dio or Firebrand or

whatever’swhatever's going on?”" Allini asks John.

“Well"Well, characters from different universes have been going

missing and Firebrand has something to do with it.”"

“Ok"Ok then. But do you know where they are?”" Allini tries to

“Whateverthefuck"Whateverthefuck Castle. That’sThat's where their base is.”"

“Alrighty"Alrighty then. So, how are we going to get there?”"

“Squadala"Squadala, we’rewe're off!”" He says, as he uses his windy powers

to lift the carpet into the air. It’sIt's only two seconds in however, when we

realise that we’rewe're going to have to teleport in, as the magic carpet is utterly

fucking shit. And it’sit's raining.

“Who’s"Who's up for some teleportation space-time bendy bullshit?”"

“You"You can’tcan't, it’sit's protected by ‘The'The Whimsical Magic of the

Fleshlights’Fleshlights'.”" Ok, first off, why, and second off, what magical qualities could

“Well"Well fuck. What are we going to do then? I’mI'm presuming no

flights go to this area?”" I ask John.

“Well"Well, we could get on a private jet to North Korea where

the base is located, but we’llwe'll have to find a way to get out of the jet before

we’rewe're gunned down, as the rest of North Korea is protected by these magical

plastic vagina holes.”"

“Anyone"Anyone here have time warping powers then?”" The Observer

questioned us, but before any of us could answer, he thought of something. “Oh"Oh

some persuasion.”"

There’sThere's a short pause.

“I’M"I'M NOT BEING THE ONE WHO GETS TENTACLES UP MY BUTTHOLE!”"

“ME"ME NEITHER!”" The rest of us say. The last person to say it

“Aww"Aww man guys, he already fucks with my mind way too much, I

don’tdon't want him fucking with my body either!”" Lol well fuk you, take one for da

“I"I have an idea!”" Tim intercepts the conversation. “We"We

should get Brian to do it!”"

“Done"Done, deal. He’sHe's probably into that sort of shit anyway.”"

promptly agrees. But if he was that easy to convince, why didn’tdidn't we just do

this in the first place? It would have saved us a lot of trouble. Oh well, what’swhat's

“Alright"Alright, let’slet's go all GTA on this shit!”" Jay shouts as we

board a private jet (which we had to sneak on or else we’dwe'd be without

ACKBAR! WE’REWE'RE GONNA TAKE CONTROL OF THIS PLANE AND WE’REWE'RE GONNA 9/11 IT UNLESS

BURNINGTORRENT GETS BETTER GRADES IN MATHS!”" Oh FFS Jussiu. We didn’tdidn't mean make

“GIVE"GIVE US THE

FUCKING PLANE!”" Jussiu shouts.

“KKK"KKK.”" The

“SLENDY"SLENDY GET

YO BITCH ASS TO WORK AND USE THE TIMEY WARP WARP POWERS RIGHT ABOUT…ABOUT... NOW!”" The

it’sit's a good thing, as looking through some of the glove compartments, we found

everyone on this plane who was part of the KKK is dead…dead... (Unless I’mI'm making this

wouldn’twouldn't do that!)

“So"So, where do

we head now?”" Alex inquires.

“We"We can

teleport now that we’rewe're past the border, so I’llI'll open up the rift this time.”"

“So"So, what should we do first, find the trapped characters,

or find Firebrand and Dio?”" I break the silence.

“Find"Find those two mofos. Some of the characters are probably

long. Trust me, you don’tdon't want to deal with them when they’rethey're like that,

especially not while fighting.”"

“But"But wait, doesn’tdoesn't that mean we’llwe'll be affected too?”"

“If"If we get going now and defeat all of these motherfuckers,

we should be fine.”" Nobody else says a word, and we just follow John to our

“Guys"Guys, be quiet, I hear something.”" The Observer says, and

we remain quiet. Around the corner, we see…see... GOLDEN FLESHLIGHTS IN A SUITCASE!?

But…But... Oh my god! What if they’rethey're harnessing energy from the characters and using

“We"We storm this operation, NOW!”" I say. Everyone is hesitant,

“BANG"BANG, BANG IT’SIT'S THE POLICE, NOW PREPARE TO DIE FUCKBOIIIIS!”"

“You’re"You're too late, foolish mortals!”" Dio cackles.

“WHAT"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO THOSE POOR CHARACTERS AND

WHAT ARE THOOOOSE!?”" OK, I know full well what they are, but I want to make a

“Well"Well, the characters are giving us some really dank energy

to create a doomsday device, and for…for... other things…”things..." Firebrand says smugly.

“Ewww"Ewww, noooo!”" Tim says, disgusted.

“Tim"Tim, get your mind out of the fucking gutter, we’rewe're using

them so we can fuse.”"

“That’s"That's even worse!”"

“We’ll"We'll do it right now, we’vewe've been needing to test this.”"

“Dio"Dio Sama!”"

“DNA"DNA DIGIVOLVE TO…TO...!”" There is a flash of blue fire.

“FIREBRANDO"FIREBRANDO!”" Shit. This was going to be one tough fucker to

“Now"Now my minions…minions... RISE!”" Oh no, he did NOT mean those yellow

It turns out he didn’tdidn't, luckily. Or maybe unluckily as the

first one to pop out from the shadows was…was... ANITA SARKEESIAN! NOPE. She was

somehow managed to find his way back.), Mutahar and…and... THE VIGILANT CHRISTIAN

“B"B-but fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak characters

stronger!”" All of a sudden, a rainbow coloured blur flashes across the screen

“You"You were saying?”" Tavrisol and Devdev Booday enter the

Well shit, I’veI've lost my best weapon and we’rewe're currently

[[File:Tehbattulovdankcharactersandshittyocs.gif|thumb|703x703px|Teh battul]]So, we’rewe're up against angsty, demon, god fucker and his

minions, and we’rewe're all pretty much defenceless.

“WHAT"WHAT ABILITIES DOES EVERYONE HAVE!?”" The Observer shouts.

“I"I CAN KILL AT LEAST SOME OF THEM OFF WITH MY DEMON POWERS,

THE REST OF YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS, EXCEPT EVAN!”" I reply.

“WHY"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SHOUTING?”" Tim also screams at the top

“I"I DON’TDON'T KNOW, BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY START FIGHTING THEM

NOW!”" We dodge the #feminst shirts that were being thrown at us by Anita

“NO"NO! I CANNOT BE CORRUPTED BY THAT MOVEMENT!”" I yell. Yes I’mI'm

honest opinion. Please don’tdon't make me go on a rant about how it used to be a

(And no don’tdon't use that ‘Not'Not All Feminists’Feminists' bullshit because it’sit's exactly the

blow up video games such as GTA 5 and Super Mario Brothers, ranting about ‘teh'teh

blatent misiginy’misiginy' in them, and using them as ‘grenades’'grenades'.

I’mI'm up against Anita (WHY?), Evan

was putting off fighting Firebrando, which is a good thing, as we’rewe're gonna need

So here’shere's the format, we’llwe'll go to each battle individually

than this section. So get prepared for the worst fight scenes you’veyou've ever had

her using my demon powers to deflect her bombs and crush her skull, just as she’sshe's

always deserved. (No she doesn’tdoesn't, but she deserves to be at least made a meme.)

I just killed one of the most annoying feminists in history. Or maybe I didn’tdidn't,

because there’sthere's a possibility that this isn’tisn't even our universe, but that’sthat's

instantly. (I really hope that theory’stheory's true now, as he’she's my senpai and my

“No"No, stop! I run a gaming channel!”" He pleads.

“No"No, sorry. Now that I’veI've removed the knife you’llyou'll bleed out

in a matter of seconds.”" Evan mocks him.

“Well"Well, at least it wasn’twasn't Comic Sans this time. Tell my Ordinary

Gamers…Gamers... I love them!”" Mooty falls to the ground and I cry for a second before

together. It makes no sense, but this ‘aint'aint being graded, this is Trollpasta

to no effort as John Cebert’sCebert's powers were almost incomprehensible to the human

mind. It makes sense. (No it doesn’tdoesn't, it never did and never will.)

Tim fought Big Da Cat and won. (You don’tdon't want to know the

close, but he was not. As for the leader of the Illuminati…Illuminati... Well probably not,

“DEEEEEZ"DEEEEEZ NUTS! HAHAH GOT EEEM!”" Jay said to VC, who

“DIE"DIE AGENDER SCUM! JUST IDENTIFY AS MALE AND YOU’REYOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN

EVERYONE ELSE!”" Caliborn shouted, shooting bullets at Tavrisol. Devdev Booday

“I"I don’tdon't think that motherfucker’smotherfucker's coming back! HONK!”"

“WEEEEEESNAAAAAAAW"WEEEEEESNAAAAAAAW!”" He shouted as he began to go God Tier. We

all turned to look and pretty much everyone mouthed a silent ‘What'What the fuck?’'

His God Tier just so happened to be ‘The'The Fucker of Butt’Butt' this

wasn’twasn't going to end well for Gamzee. Devdev began to grind on Gamzee and kept

on shouting ‘WEESNAW’'WEESNAW' until he came. Our mouths were wide open at this point.

“Hey"Hey look, Jay, it’sit's you!”" Ok, that was too fucking soon.

(No it wasn’twasn't, it’sit's been around two years since then, but the feels are still strong.)

“Lol"Lol fuk u Alex.”" Jay retorted.

After all of Firebrando’s™Firebrando's™ proxies were defeated, we only

“ALRIGHT"ALRIGHT GUYS, I THINK WE SHOULD CONBINE ALL OF OUR POWERS

INTO ONE MASSIVE ATTACK.”" The Observer screeches.

“STOP"STOP FUCKING SHOUTING, HE KNOWS OUR PLAN NOW.”" I also

“Well"Well shit.”" He says.

“EVERYONE"EVERYONE FUCKING G…”G..." The Observer is interrupted.

“CHARGE"CHARGE, MY MINIONS!”" A deep voice is heard. The massive

doors behind us open revealing…revealing... SLENDERMAN AND A BUNCH OF MINIONS!? (THIS TIME

causing the fusion to split. They murder Dio in cold blood and Slenderman…Slenderman... No,

I’mI'm sorry, The Operator, grabs Firebrand with one of his tentacles.

“You’ve"You've been a very naughty boy Firebrand.”" Slendy says.

“NO"NO DADDY NOT THE TENTACLES!”" Firebrand pleads.

“Yes"Yes, the tentacles. EN GARDE!”" Slendy, Firebrand and the

“You"You guys do realise that you now owe me a KFC and a trip to

Alton Towers right?”"

“FUCK"FUCK!”" They all shouted.

[[File:Tehaltontowerzincidunt-0.png|thumb|703x703px|I SPENT 4 HOURS ON THIS FFS. Better quality image [http://s3.postimg.org/mg8o0wnkz/tehaltontowerzincidunt.png HERE] Or maybe it isn't IDK. Post image made it look like shit.]]We are currently eating chicken at KFC. I am having spicy hot wings because they’rethey're bae.

“BT"BT, can we go back in time, I want to ride the Smiler, you

know, before it crashes.”" Jay asks me.

“Fine"Fine, but I have no idea where we’llwe'll end up; my powers aren’taren't

really time oriented. They’reThey're more spacey. I’llI'll be able to get us back here

though, because I don’tdon't fucking know, main character plot convenience?”"

“WOOOOOO"WOOOOOO!”" Jay shouted, causing everyone in the KFC to look

“Jay"Jay, shut the fuck up I have anxiety!”" I snap at him. HABIT

“Well"Well gee, thanks Evan or HABIT or whatever the fuck you

are. You’reYou're actually a nice guy, you know, when you’reyou're not getting a raging

boner from killing everyone!”"

“KILLING"KILLING MAKES MY DICK HARD!”" Oh for fuck’sfuck's sake, did he

really have to reference Mutahar’sMutahar's modded GTA videos? I’mI'm still suffering from

the fact that he’she's dead if my theory isn’tisn't true.

“Hey"Hey, before we go back in time, do you want to make a prank

call?”" Tim asks us all.

“FUCK"FUCK YEAH!”" We all yell.

“Hello"Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Alright, alright, so my son’sson's

been downloading these viruses onto my computer, and I can’tcan't get ‘em'em off! I can’tcan't

get these viruses off! There’sThere's a tonne of cocks! I need them off! I need to do

taxes! Please? I am THIS high in debt! They’reThey're gonna saw off my fingers! I need

me! My son’sson's been jacking off in his bathroom! I built him a shed. He needs to

stop. He…He... He worships the devil, and I don’tdon't like it! I need to go to Kokomo.

job in the bathroom? You wanna, you wanna rub the lizard? You wanna, you wanna?”"

“Lol"Lol fuk u den. I’llI'll have you know that I sexually identify

as an attack helicopter.”"

“Oh"Oh my god. That was great! NOW TIME TO GO TO BRITISH DIDNEY

WORL!”" I open up the rip smack bang in the middle of the KFC, shocking everyone

“ALRIGHT"ALRIGHT, FREE SHIT!”" I shout.

“Wow"Wow! You ready to go on the Smiler Tim?”" Jay inquires.

“I"I don’tdon't know. Something doesn’tdoesn't feel right about this.”"

“JUST"JUST DO IT!”" Jay tries to motivate Tim.

“Like"Like in the Adidas logo?”" Tim asks him. (Hahey it rhymed!

“No"No, like the quote said by M Night Shyamalan.”"

“This"This whole conversation is a fucking train wreck. It’sIt's like

9/11, but that’sthat's WAY too offensive for PG 13.”" I say to the two idiots.

“Since"Since when the hell was this trying to be PG 13?”" The

“When"When Devdev Booday attempted to grind on Gamzee, when else?”"

“WEEEEEEESNAAAAAAW"WEEEEEEESNAAAAAAW!”" Devdev weesnaws.

“You"You know what, fuck this, we’llwe'll meet up at this spot in an

hour from now, let’slet's go!”" We all get into groups of four and set off. I go with

“So"So, I’llI'll wait for you guys while you’reyou're on The Smiler.

After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we don’tdon't know

where we are in space-time, so yeah.”" They all go to queue up, but HABIT gets

the lines of: “FUCK"FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME HARD, FUCK ME HARD!”" Which

is actually shocking because I would’vewould've though more people would be yelling for

Slenderman ARG on the internet, but this wasn’twasn't supposed to have any ounce of

“If"If you want me to stab and penetrate you with this knife,

then stand in my way!”" At this, everyone went quiet and allowed the three of

Meanwhile, with the Buttfuck crew…crew... Tavrisol, Devdev and The

Observer we’rewe're planning on getting on the Rapids, until there was a familiar

“Firebrand"Firebrand is here, Firebrand is near, Firebrand is blazing

it in your ear.”" They felt someone teleport next to them.

“FIREBRAND"FIREBRAND?! But, I thought Slendy was tenta-fucking you!”"

“He"He went back to Brian.”" Tim and his smart ideas…ideas...

“Well"Well, now that you’reyou're here, I guess we should put our

differences aside and ride the Rapids together.”" Tavrisol says.

“I"I was going to anyway.”" The four of them got in the queue

Now, before we go to the main event, we’rewe're going to go to

“You"You know I really wanna fuck Jay so much at the moment.”"

“You"You know I really wanna ride Oblivion at the moment. I

mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis.”" Jussiu spits at Alex.

“Alright"Alright guys, calm down, tone the sexual tension down a

bit, we need to do something before this hour is up.”" John reminds everyone.

“Well"Well let’slet's go fucking ride Oblivion then before a certain

fan troll has an emotional breakdown.”" Allini sort of changes the topic, but at

behind it, oshit, Slendy’sSlendy's back. Time to get out all of the GAWD SWORDS!

“I"I really fucked up this time!”" I yell at myself.

“HEY"HEY, WE WERE ENJOYING THAT!”" HABIT shouts.

“Well"Well sorry, but Tim did say BEFORE it crashed, he didn’tdidn't

specify how long before and I can’tcan't do anything about that shit anyway!”"

“Fuck"Fuck this, I’mI'm done. If any of you are ready to leave, come

through this rip, it won’twon't close until all of you are back.”" I leave through

Slendy’sSlendy's tentacles were visible all the way over from the

“Well"Well shit, looks like it’sit's time for me to go, bye for now!”"

“I’m"I'm reforming ISIS, and you’reyou're the bomber, Jussiu.”" Allini

“I’M"I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR OVERUSED BOMB JOKES!”" Jussiu booms,

“I’m"I'm out, bye bitches.”" The Observer goes back with

HABIT, John raps the John Cena theme and says that ‘His'His time is now’now' before

late for the annual ‘Mom’s'Mom's Spaghetti Shower’Shower' back in their dimension and

therefore go back to whatever fucked up universe they’rethey're from.

enter it. It turns out that it’sit's the gay sex party that they always dreamed of.

One went to join the gay sex party, the other, went to go ‘frick'frick

Noah’Noah' as he put it. Both of them had the same objective of getting laid, so it

doesn’tdoesn't really matter to be honest.

But if there’sthere's one question I have at the end of this, it’sit's

why did I title it ‘Firebrando'Firebrando Kills Everyone And Takes Over the World’World'? Like I

mean, really, if anyone killed anyone, it was us, and he didn’tdidn't really take

by making a hologram version of the park because illuminati and shit I don’tdon't

to say was ‘HABIT'HABIT made me do it.’'

There’sThere's your top kek ending. You were probably expecting

something less crappy, so here have this cake I baked that’sthat's filled with the