Fishing Fanatic: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "My father is a fishing fanatic. Half of the apartment filled with fucking fishing rods the worst. About once a month somebody steps into a hook or an anchor that's lying on the floor and it needs to be removed at the hospital because that shit is spiky at the edges. I've already had 10 such surgical interventions in my 22-year-old life. Last week I went for some random check-up, and the receptionist told me right away to take my shoe off xD because she thought that I had...") |
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My father is a fishing fanatic. Half of the apartment filled with fucking fishing rods the worst. About once a month somebody steps into a hook or an anchor that's lying on the floor and it needs to be removed at the hospital because that shit is spiky at the edges. I've already had 10 such surgical interventions in my 22-year-old life. Last week I went for some random check-up, and the receptionist told me right away to take my shoe off xD because she thought that I had a hook stuck in my foot once again. The other half of the apartment is fucking stuffed with The Polish Fisherman, Fishing World, Super Carp xD etc. Every week my father takes a spin around town to collect all the fishing magazines. I was stupid enough to introduce him into the Internet, because I had thought that we would save a bit of money on the newspapers. But now, not only does he still buy them, but he also sits on some online forums for fishers and starts shitstorms with other fishers about the best baits etc. He sometimes yells into the screen, and he's even thrown the fucking keyboard out the window. Once he really pissed me off, so I created an account there and trolled him. I commented some random shit under his posts, such as "carps eat shiet".
My mother could barely catch up with cooking up hunter's stew to soothe him. Oh yea, he already has a "CATFISH" rank on the forum, for having created 10K fucking posts. When it's warm, he goes fishing every weekend. For the last 5 years, I've been eating fish for dinner every Sunday, and my father always repeats some bullshit theories about eating this water trash. When I got accepted to college, he would not shut up for a whole fucking week that it's due to the fact that I eat a lot of fish, since they contain phosphorus and my brain functions better. Every Saturday, he and his buddy Mirek wake the whole family up at 4
This year he got himself an inflatable dinghy for Christmas. Of course he couldn't wait until the 25th; he unpacked it last night and pumped it up in our living room. He put on his entire fishing outfit and sat in the dinghy for the rest of the night, right in the middle of our apartment. He had dinner (carp) in it too [cool][bye] If they gave me access to all the fish in Poland, I'd fucking kill them all. On one of my birthdays, back in elementary or middle school, my father took me fishing as an exception. Great fucking present, bitch. We drove off way out of the fucking town. We're walking to the lake, and his eyes are already lighting up, and he's licking his lips all excited. He set up all of his equipment, we're sitting at the water and staring at the bobbers. After 5 minutes I got bored, so I turned on my discman. My father slapped me across the fucking head with his rod and said that the fish hear music coming out of my headphones, get scared and leave. Whenever I wanted to scratch my ass, he would "scream-whisper" at me not to fidget, because I'm causing a rustle, the fish see me move and swim away. I had to sit there motionless for 6 hours, as if I were at fucking Guantanamo, and stare at the water. My birthday is in November, so it was also cold as fuck.
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At one point, my father got up, walked away several feet into the woods, and ripped a fart. He explained to me that he had to do it in the woods because the fish can hear and smell it. I once mentioned that my father has a buddy, Mirek, and that they go fishing together. Back in the days, my father's fishing mate was hehe Zbyszek. A ball-shaped individual with a moustache, dressed in a BOMBER jacket 365 days in the year. He and my father were almost like brothers, him and his wife Bozena would come over our house on Christmas etc. Once, on my father's birthday, Zbyszek came over for some hehe vodka. They got wasted as fuck and, of course, they wouldn't stop talking about fishing. I was sitting in my room. All of a sudden they started yelling at each other about what is generally better: pike or catfish. "DON'T YOU FUCKING PISS ME OFF ZBYSZEK, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PIKE'S TEETH? OM NOM NOM AND YOUR FUCKING ARM IS GONE" "HOLY SHIT TADEK, POLISH CATFISH WEIGH 180 LBS, YOUR PIKES CAN FUCKING SUCK THEM OFF" "YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING CATFISH MEANWHILE YOU CAN BARELY PULL A FUCKING BLEAK OUT OF THE WATER. A PIKE IS THE KING OF WATER, LIKE A LION LIKE THE KING OF THE JUNGLE." And they started fucking wrestling on the living room carpet, and my mother and I had to separate them. They've completely stopped talking ever since.
Last year Zbyszek's wife called to tell us that Zbyszek has kicked the bucket and she's inviting us to the funeral. My mother picked up, gave her our condolences, put the phone down and told my father. And he said: "Very fucking well" That's how much he hated him for that catfish. I have also mentioned my
After being physically defeated by the PFA, my father began a partisan struggle over the Internet, which included badmouthing the Association and Adam himself on local
At first the cooperative was going well, but one weekend my father got sick and
Using some chains that we had found on the boat and my combination lock he chained it to the lamp post and he wanted to go home all happy, but then he saw 2 cars full of fishers co-owners, who had figured out where their property could be xD It all turned into a huge mess, the fishers were yelling why did he take the boat and that he has to return it, and my father was screaming that they cheated him out and that he chipped in 500zl yet he
-My father is lying on the floor, tightly embracing the boat and screaming that he
-The fishers are screaming at him to give it back;
-One of them has gotten his nose broken because he had grabbed my
-Two police officers are pulling my
-The neighbors all around are looking out their windows;
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Finally, the officers pulled him away from the boat. I gave the fishers the code to my lock and they took the boat, beforehand throwing him 500zl and saying that he has no more rights to the boat and that it would be better for him if he
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