How to summon Fappy Appy

The Ritual

1. Go and buy a white van.

   File:Pedovan.jpg

   An example of the van you should buy

2. Gather these materials: A computer, a plank of wood, an iPhone 4s, an apple, a cactus, a sex toy, a cassette tape of the Star Wars Christmas Special, some donkey sperm, and a lemon meringue pie.
3. Go inside the van.
4. Take the apple and dip it in the sperm.
5. Take the cactus, stick it into the pie, and throw it by the apple.
6. Put the cassette tape and play it on the computer.
7. Order a pizza using the iPhone 4s.
8. When the pizza arrives, hit it with the plank until the tomato sauce squirts out.
9. Make a Satanic sacrificial circle with the sauce and wrap the pizza around the pie.

   File:Fappy Appy.jpg

   Fappy Appy, the person you are attempting to summon.

10. Play Darude-Sandstorm on the computer but keep the video playing, it should be halfway done now.
11. Then chant these words: "Poopy Butts, Poopy Butts, Playing in the Mud. Fuckity Fuck, Fuckity Fuck, Get Gud" to the tune of Sandstorm.
12. There you go, Fappy Appy should appear in the circle in front of you and the ritual is done.