John Oliver Returns: LOST EPISODE: Difference between revisions
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{{JOKE}}
{{NSFW}}
{{Note|This story is a sequel to [[John Oliver Lost Episode]].}}
What I am about to tell you actually happened, but I still have a hard time believing it myself. It was a cold, stormy early morning, and I could not sleep. So, I turn on my tv, and went to my favorite movie channel; HBO. My child was coughing loudly in the other room, but
John began,
After I finished my shit shimmy, I cleaned myself up in the bathroom sink, wrapped several hand towels around my waist, and returned to my beloved programming. John at this point was stairing directly into the cammera with his gleaming eyes; literally gleaming. I almost went blind because they were so bright that it could have blinded me. I recoiled in pain from the pain, and just then, the speakers made a loud screech; it was loud enough for me to hear twice. John then smiled a rather cheeky smile and winked at the camera. He said
Within an instant, my wife began to rip apart within the confines of the blender, shredding into tiny pieces and blood splattering against the inside of the pitcher. Another moment goes by, and my wife is nothing more than a pink-white sludge smoothie of blood, guts, and bone matter. John screamed,
When I woke up, I found myself in my bed, lying next to my whore of a wife. God, why did I even marry her, we hate each other, and she smells like cabbage, and I hate her stupid nose;
He had hyper realistic blood emitting from his mouth and he bore his teeth, that rotated like a trash compactor. He leaned into me for a kiss, to which I immediately obliged. He sucked my face in like Kirby, and began compacting me. It hurt, but I did it for John. That is how I was vored by John Oliver.
By the way,
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