Spongebob Squarepants: The Hatemail Bootleg
No matter what my family knows, I secretly DESPISE Spongebob Squarepants. All those times watched the show with my little sister, that was to make her happy.
In my opinion, Spongebob is really dumb. The animation is slow, the plots make ZERO sense, the characters are wildly dumb, and so much more. However, I recently made the giant mistake of doing an editorial in my local newspaper on the show. Apparently, I ruffled some feathers by doing that editorial...
About a week after I did the article, I received a note and package in the mail. I don't remember everything the note said, but I do remember 2 things: the note was not signed and towards the end there was something along the lines of "Here is a prime example of what you call Stupid."
I opened the package to find a VHS tape with the words "Pizza Delivery" scribbled on it in black ink. I knew from binging the 1st season of Spongebob with my sister that this episode was somewhere around the 4th episode of the 1st season. I popped the VHS into my player and made some popcorn.
It started normally with the intro until the 20-second mark when the music got strangely quiet and fast-paced. At the point where Spongebob does his stupid little nose-flute thing, the whole segment played in reverse, but it was ear-piercingly loud to the point where a high-pitched humming could be heard, and the animation was somewhat out of sync.
Then it cut to the episode, but there was no title card or opening credits like was usual in the show. It went straight to Mr. Krabs getting the phone, but right after that, the audio quality got really bad and green and purple static started to fade in and out of the shot. Then the screen turned into a jumbled colored mess. It happened so fast I spilled a bit of popcorn onto myself. It stayed this way until Spongebob started singing The Krusty Krab Pizza Song. At this point, an odd male laughing was echoing throughout my speakers.
Then, just out of nowhere, the screen started to bounce like crazy and a red bar appeared at the top. It stayed like this until the point where Spongebob says "It's not just a boulder... It's a rock!" At this point, most of the screen was taken up by some yellow and blue static and a low buzzing could be heard within my speakers. It stayed like this until the scene where Squidward hits the ungrateful customer with his pizza. At that point, the screen started stretching itself thin, but the buzzing stopped and the audio quality got far better.
Then it just cut straight to the credits, but the audio got loud again, but not as loud as before. After about 25 seconds of this, it went to multi-colored static, but the audio was fine.
After roughly 10 seconds of THAT, my screen went black and an odd crackling noise issued from my VHS player.
I opened it up, only to have a copious amount of smoke blasted in my face. I pulled the tape out to find it destroyed.
I tossed it out right away. I was glad it was gone, because, be honest, some things need to be thrown away....
Credited to DuckTheGreatWestern
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