SpongeBob Lost Episode: The Poop Bucket
One day about 10 years ago, when I was a fully grown pre-teen, it was a late fall day and my nipples were hard and stood a full foot in front of me from the sheer cold outside. I was walking around my neighborhood when I saw a big sign that read "GARAGE SALE" along with an address only two hundred blocks away. I decided to check it out since I had nothing to do.
After walking for about 10 minutes, I arrived at the address I saw on the sign. There were only a few small tables covered with junk across the front yard of a small, old house. There was an old woman sitting at a chair behind one of the tables, her small wrinkly hands handing coins to someone holding a vase. I looked around the tables, nothing caught my interest, she was selling only old ugly clothes, strange taxidermized animals, a jar full of moths and some old books.
But soon after, I saw a small box that stood out. There was no artwork on the box, and upon further inspection after pulling out my classic iconic magnifying glass that it was a black cassette tape box labeled "SpongeBob: Season 69". I decided to buy it, since it was either just a really bad bootleg, or just a pirated copy of season 6. When I brought the box to the woman, she gave me a cold look.
The old woman had bloody chapped lips, bloodshot eyes, and thick skin pores, thick enough for me to shove my precious little fingers in them. The old woman had a bunch of charms on a necklace around her neck. When I asked her how much she held out 6 fingers on one hand, I then gave the woman all the spare change in my pocket, 3 one-dollar bills, 4 quarters, and two hundred pennies. When I left the garage sale the old woman pointed her wrinkly finger at me.
"Leave me now!" the old woman yelled, "I have finally got rid of you!"
The woman yelling at me made me stop in my tracks, sending shivers down my spine and blood to my penis. I ran away from her as fast as I could, pushing a mother and her baby out of the way into a nearby running woodchipper out of fear that the old woman might do something to me.
When I finally arrived home, I locked the door and snuck past my blind, deaf, ugly, dementia riddled, depressive, Parkinson's, father, and went straight to my room.
I closed and locked the door to my room and screamed to turn on my scream activated lights. I walked in front of my TV, and opened the cassette box, the cassette tape looked normal, and it had "Season 69" written on it. I spat onto the cassette to coat in my slippery spit so it could slide easy into the cassette player and sat of my Cheeto-dust and half-eaten sandwich filled floor as the reader began to turn on. I screamed again to turn off the lights, so that I could be fully immersed in this SpongeBob experience.
In a few moments, a title card appeared, and it read "The Poop Bucket" in Comic Sans MS font. At this point I was fully convinced I bought a bootleg version of SpongeBob, but I decided to watch further. I also realized that there was no music for the title card, instead there was this very low groaning sound, almost like somebody was pooping, the sound an angry Redditor would make.
"That is a bit strange." I said to myself while scratching my head in confusion.
The title credits finished, and the episode started off with a panoramic shot of SpongeBob's house, although something was off. There was still no music, and the low pooping noise had begun to grow louder. The Bikini Bottom sky was also colored brown, with none of the classic iconic floral patterns on it. SpongeBob soon came out of his house, and he looked normal for the most part, and he soon began to walk towards the Krusty Krab.
When SpongeBob arrived, the episode got stranger. First of all, the Krusty Krab was not right at all. Instead of the classic crab trap look, the Krusty Krab looked like a colorful box with soft colors and a hole on top of it, it looked almost like an empty tissue box. SpongeBob walked into the restaurant and he heard Mr. Krabs groaning from afar.
SpongeBob walked into Mr. Krabs office, and his jaw hit the ground and his eyes popped out of his head. The camera panned and we finally found the source of the groaning noise, it was Mr. Krabs taking a massive shit. I could not believe what I was seeing, but it was about to get worse.
I then saw that Mr. Krabs was pooping into a bucket, with "The Poop Bucket" painted on it in red. Mr. Krabs laughed at SpongeBob while the camera focused on the inside of the bucket, and Plankton was stuck at the bottom, nearly fully immersed in Mr. Krabs fecal matter. I saw a big brown wave hit Plankton as Mr. Krabs began to groan louder.
I screamed in horror at what I saw, and a five-centimeter string of shit shot out of my ass in shock too. I hit eject on the cassette tape and put it back in the box. I leaped out my window and began to run back to the old woman's house. But along the way, I noticed that the sky grew dark, and there was a loud groaning noise, like the one I heard on the cassette tape, slowly getting louder.
I turned around and saw a giant, naked Mr. Krabs behind me. I tried to run as fast as I could, but he picked me up and threw me into the Poop Bucket. I fell into the bucket of poop and felt myself get submerged in the substance. I tried to scream, but the poop flowed into my mouth and began to choke me. I saw Mr. Krabs stare down at me laughing while shooting a huge load out of his ass.
"Arg me boy," Mr. Krabs chuckled at me, "There is no god" Mr. Krabs groaned louder and used his big, meaty, claws to wipe his butt, pouring more crab poop into his bucket.
After a while of me struggling to breathe everything went brown quickly.
I woke up in the middle of a driveway with a wet stain in my pants. I stood up and realized I was in the driveway of the woman who sold me the tape. Although her house was gone, and so were the signs and tables. Horrified, I walked home and went straight to bed after ripping off all my ass hairs. I could never find the cassette tape ever since that day, and nobody believes me when I tell them this story.
I still have nightmares of being submerged in Mr. Krabs' warm crab poop to this day.
Credited to Articrus
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