"My Dog is a War Criminal"
I knew my dog was a war criminal from the moment we adopted him. We were just peacefully eating dinner and he just ripped our food off the table. Me, my mom and dad were pissed so we bought a cage for him with a bed. After one day his bed was in shreds and the cage was dented by how much he wanted to get out. A few days went by and Mr. Pussy (We named him Mr. Pussy after awhile) went missing. We had no idea where he went but he reappeared on the front porch and had blood on his jaws. We assumed he ate a squirrel or something and washed him off. But when we turned on the TV we flicked to the news and we saw that in the middle east a dog that looked exacted like ours committed multiple war crimes. Here is a small list of all the war crimes he committed:
- devastation not justified by military necessity
- destruction of property that is of particular cultural significance
- torture and inhuman treatment, including biological experiments with dog treats
- enslavement
- persecutions on political, racial and religious grounds
Our dog slowly walked into the living room, we were stunned and staring at the TV. Mr. Pussy was pissed that we haven't paid attention to him for the 2.5 milliseconds we looked at the TV. Mr. Pussy Began to attack the couch, we were starting to freak out. He then chased us downstairs into the basement and into a hidden room with a tunnel, we ran through the tunnel and came out in Germany. Mr. Pussy was still on our tail and quickly gaining on us, he herded us around the corner and into another basement. Mr. Pussy was right behind us and I noticed multiple swastika flags hanging down from the ceiling and technology I didn't think even existed. Mr. Pussy was snarling and foaming from the mouth and cornered us in this strange WWII room underground. He left us be and found a collar that translated his voice into a funny German accent but was translated in English. Mr. Pussy spoke, he said that he was actually Hitler and was trying to become human again because when he wanted to clone his conciseness his cronies misheard him and instead of cloning his consciousness they transferred his consciousness into a dog. Now he is trying to find a way to get into a human body, he said that me and my mom could be great hosts. While he was still monologuing how he would find a way to worm his way into our heads I picked him up and tossed him into a random machine. I powered it on and it separated Hitler's conciseness from the dog into an old timey video game cartridge. I took the cartridge and took it back home, I sold it on Ebay since I wanted some money for all the trouble we went through, and some poor sucker actually bought it for $420.69 I would hate to be them lol sucks to suck I guess, but hey I got decent money out of it. As for our dog he just went back to being a normal dog that doesn't commit war crimes.
Written by Gonker
Content is available under CC BY-SA
| Comments • 1 |
Loading comments...
|
