AITA for being good at sex??
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NSFW WARNING
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Hi reddit, I'm writing this, heartbroken, from the closet of an abandoned warehouse with great cell service. I typed it out on my phone and used the last of my battery to upload this to reddit instead of call the police (I was the fastest typer in my class btw). I want strangers to hear my last words, definitely not my friends or loved ones. Anyways, I bet youre wondering how I ended up here.
So first let me tell you about my friend group even though it's hardly relevant. Im the jokester and am really attractive but in a cool, understated way. I'm an underdog that says the right things at the right time and everybody roots for me in the comments of my reddit posts. I have three friends named David, Kyle and Katelin. David was my best friend since we were kids and he dies first in the story it was really sad and I cried.
Anyways so kyle killed his uncle and inherited his really cool mansion. It was so fun and I had sex with Kaitylnn after realizing I had actually liked her the whole time and also like I mentioned im a really cool, attractive dude. But you would never believe what happened next. Kyle got caught for the murder of his uncle and we couldn't hang out in the house anymore. It really sucked.
So me and katylinne went to go find somewhere else to have sex and saw this warehouse. It looked perfect for having the sex, except there was this tall inhuman figure standing outside of the door. He said "hey, if you want to have sex here, you have to follow this list of rules or death murder."
Now, I thought this was really strange because I don't believe in lists or tall people. I ignored him and me and kaetliyn went and had sex in the warehouse, and it was totally cool. Then suddenly the tall inhuman figure comes into the building and reveals itself as being David's dead corpse on stilts! My best friend! Then Katelinnyne broke up with me because I was too good of a guy and my ding dong was too scrumptious (her words not mine). I felt so betrayed that I went into the first closet I found and I'm way too embarrassed to come out.
Also there's a monster outside! I can hear it eating david's body and using the stilts like chopsticks! So reddit, what I want to know is about the situation with me and Kaitlieen. AITA for being too good of a guy and a sexual god? I'll keep you all updated if I live.
Credited to daymanahhhhhhhhhhh
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