All-Knowing

My mom pulled into my grandma's driveway at around 3:00pm, and I saw my grandma waving to me and my little sister from the couch in her living room. She came outside to help me with my bags, but considering she was very old, I insisted that I take them myself. She showed me upstairs to my room, my old room, that I used to sleep in when I was young and stayed here with her and grandpa.

I went to bed early that night, and woke up around midnight with a terribly uncomfortable bowel movement. I got to the bathroom, and luckily just in time for me not to crap my pants. Only something was odd. On the mirror in the bathroom, it said in red:

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN ALL THE PRUNE ICE CREAM YOUR GRANDMOTHER GAVE YOU.

"Well, I didn't want to be rude!" I told the mirror. I went back to bed and slept until the smell of waffles drifted up the stairs and into my room. I rushed downstairs so quickly, I fell down half of them. I became a ghost and realized I was dead, but I quickly jumped back into my body and walked into the kitchen. There was no way I wanted to miss my grandma's waffles!

I sat down at the table and saw that grandma had prepared them just the way I liked them, with blue food coloring in them. I sat down next to my grandfather, who was reading the newspaper, and ate my blue waffles, and saw my sister coming downstairs. She took one look at the blue waffles and said,

"Those are really ugly, and I wish you hadn't made them."

My grandma replied with:

"Well, you're really ugly and I wish your parents hadn't made you." With that, my sister sat down at the table and ate the waffles my grandma hadn't colored. I looked outside. I saw a small well, and realized it hadn't been there when I would come and stay as a kid.

"Grandma, since when do you have a well?" I asked.

"Your grandfather wanted it," replied grandma, "and I like the way it looks. The day your grandfather brought it home, he almost fell right in! Luckily, a skeleton popped out of it and pushed him back. Many lolz were had that day, many lolz." My grandfather smirked and said,

"Yes, many. Ah, good morning grandchildren."

"Grandpa, I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes," I replied.

After I had finished breakfast, I went outside and looked into the well. Just as I was about to go back inside, I heard a voice. A voice coming from the bottom of the well.

"I am the all-knowing," it said. "What would you like to know?"

"Uh... uh..." I stuttered, not knowing what in the sweet name of rainbows and unicorns was going on.

"You are having trouble figuring out what to ask me."

"Wow... really... I never could have figured that out for myself."

"I see what you did there, you used sarcasm in that last sentence."

"All-knowing, huh? Wow, you suck." Just them, the most brilliant and fantastically formed question entered my mind.

"If you're all-knowing, then you can answer the toughest question of all time?"

"Yes."

"For sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok, then. Here it is." I breathed in heavily and shot my question down the well.

"Then who was phone?"

I heard mumbling noises and then,

"FFFFFUUUUUUU-"

And then silence. Feeling hardcore, I put on my sunglasses and slowly walked back to the house. Then a skeleton popped out of the well.

END

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