Am I The Asshole for murdering a kid who liked Fortnite?

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So, this is a funny story. I was at school and saw a kid crying during lunch. He had a massive bruise on his eye, and a scrape on his leg. I had to check on him. "What's wrong?" I ask. Then I notice he has the cringe FORTNITE T-shirt and a Ninja plushie. "W-well," the boy says. "My friends, they bullied me, because I like Fortnite." "Good news, kid," I reply dryly, "because it's gonna happen again."

Immediately I push him up against the locker and slash across his face like an animal. He begins crying even louder. I start biting chunks into his flesh. A crowd starts to form. I rip off one of his arms and use it to beat him senselessly. The crowd begins to cheer. I dig deep into his backside and rip out his intestine, strangling his pitiful neck with it like a makeshift noose. The audience is out for blood. I'm on fire. I rip his still-beating heart from his chest and squash it with my feet after throwing it harshly on the floor.

I turn at my newfound audience. The crowd goes wild. That is, until the principal steps in. Turns out killing someone over something that petty is considered "morally wrong" and "borderline psychopathic", to which I replied "NOOOO MY WHOLESOME 100 HECKING MURDERINOS!" I am now awaiting court date. Please my fellow Redditors, prove to the stupid judge that I am NOT the asshole! Maybe get Keanu Reeves to bail me out.



Credited to JustSomeWeirdBloke 

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