Anime.exe: Ultimate Edition

Watashi wa 

Hello, I am a weeaboo. I originally had a less Japanese name, but I changed my name to Eren Jaeger since it was from that attack on Titan show, which is japanese, and it had a character named Eren Jaeger, the coolest japanese name ever. I own several great body pillows which are my waifus. 

Creepy file です 

I was walking home with my newly bought Asuka from Evangelion body pillow. People call me a pedophile because her character is 14, but she's 2D so it's totally ok. when I got home I went on my computer to go on kissanime and watch some great shows like highschool of the dead, sword art online, and boku no pico. Before I got to watch these sugoi shows, I received an e-mail, something that is very rare for me. In the e-mail it said," watch this Kawaii sugoi show, you won't regret it". I downloaded the file which said "anime.exe", which sounded kinda fucking spooky. I went to go get my instant ramen and said, "Itadakimasu!" before opening the file. What I saw would change my life forever.

The spooky part です 

What I saw next made me shit my pants and want to fuck my body pillows for comfort. At first I saw Cory Baxter on the screen, everything was ok for now. But then I saw hyper realistic blood coming from his eyes. Next I saw Lain on the screen (why the fuck do people enjoy this show it can't compare with sword art online) and she was using her 1337 haxor skillz to fuck up my computer. I couldn't exit the file now. Next I saw all my favourite waifus calling my name and asking me to turn into a 2D guy. They said the only way I could do this is if I was killed by sonic.exe. Next sonic.exe appeared on the screen and then I was really spooked. I was too curious to see what would happen, so I played through all of sonic.exe even though I did hear you would die if you played all of it. After that, the file started to play all of Texhnolyze, I sat there watching all of the show, and it spooked me. 

The first suicideです 

So, after watching texhnolyze, the file closed and I got another e-mail. It said it was from lizard squad. Lizard squad said they were behind everything since they're such 1337 haxorz. They worked together with EA, ubisoft, microsoft, Sony, nintendo, Activision, Square Enix, and even fucking Konami. They said they were part of the illuminati and that the contents of anime.exe would cause me to commit suicide.

So I did.

I'm back です 

Hello, I'm the weeaboo that had to endure the bullshit that the author put me through in the last story. I died, and I want my revenge, and the best way to do that is to defeat Lizard Squad. I couldn't imagine what my waifus would do without me, so I possesed my own dead body as a ghost to bring it back to life again, so I could become a sugoi haxor to bring down Lizard Squad.

Anonymous は sugoi です 

When I came back to life, I saw that I recieved an e-mail from the hackers on steroids, Anonymous. They treated the Internet like a video game, and they played it well. After several 80's training montages from the greatest sensei of anonymous, I became a master haxor high in their ranks, and highly skilled at Ddosing. To defeat the evil ddosers of lizard squad, I would hack into their mainframe to extract more files. It felt like I was Daru hacking into SERN (had to make a dank Steins;Gate reference you know?). The file I extracted was named anime2.exe. This had to be the key to defeat Lizard Squad. 

Anime2.exe です 

When I opened the file, I saw the edgiest and spookiest content I ever saw in my life. The screen said,"Click to access MGSV DLC". I clicked the screen, and then the screen said "MGSV CHAPTER 3". It opened to a mission in the game, but it lacked one thing in the opening credits for the mission, it lacked the name Hideo Kojima. I then saw Snake start to kill all the child soldiers for the pride of America. Snake didn't fail the mission at this point, he succeeded. If that wasn't edgy enough, what I saw next was even edgier. Snake started to get raped by Ocelot while they both started bleeding hyper-realistic blood. At this point I was too curious to see what would happen next. I knew I made the wrong decision. The file played the whole series of Elfen Lied 696 696 696.696969 times. 

The second suicide です 

I felt like I couldn't handle all the edge. Watching Elfen Lied that many times made me feel like I was going to cut myself. Before I did however, I did an epic Ddos on Lizard Squad and Konami just to give them the finger for MGS. However, I still couldn't handle all the edge, so I cut myself.

I died again.

Steins;Gate Lost Episode です

There's a reason why I made a dank Steins Gate reference while I was still alive. While training for anonymous, I found myself walking to a garage sale. The old man running the place seemed very sketchy. He walked over to me and said, "Hey kid, do you want to watch one of those dank animus for free?" While I do watch kissanime all the time for free anime, I couldn't deny the offer. He handed me over a VHS tape which had a piece of tape on it used as a label. On the label it said "Steins;Gate", one of my favorite Japanese animus. Since a weeaboo like me obviously owns a VHS player, I went home to go play the tape. When I started playing it, spooky shit happened. First, I saw Kurisu brutally murder Okabe while being edgy and making out with him while doing it. He was bleeding blood that was a bit more hyper-realistic than normal. She then continues to hunt the other lab members beginning with Mayuri. Kurisu grabs her guns she got from America and then spookily shoots up Mayuri. After this, SERN hires Kurisu to do more edgy shit. Next, she meets a bloodied Shadow the Hedgehog and out-edges him completely. She tears off his limbs and chews on his flesh in the edgiest way possible. After that, her eyes blackened, and she realized how edgy she was. She went back to the lab and time leaped so she wouldn't fuck up again. Because of this episode, I'll never watch Steins;Gate again.

I return once again です 

Hello, I'm the weeaboo that the author decided to kill once again. I started to get really fucking tired of Lizard Squad and their shit, so I became a sugoi 1337 ninja samurai stealth haxor to defeat the annoying as fuck forces of Lizard Squad. With the will to protect the pride of my waifus, I resurrected so I could defeat Lizard Squad once and for all.

Hacking for the coordinates です 

I thought the best thing I could do was to hack Lizard Squad to find their hq coordinates. After that, I would infiltrate their hq with the power of my ancient samurai weeb weapon. When I got their coordinates I headed straight over to their hq to fuck their shit up. When I got inside the building I hid myself in the stealthiest of stealthy positions, and witnessed the horror of what was in front of me. Everyone in there looked like they were 10 years old, and they were doing their horrific ddos attacks to help the illuminati. I didn't want to be known as the asshole who killed children, so I non-lethally 1337 360 no-scoped all of them instead. I needed to find a way to shut them down, so I searched all the unconsious's pockets so that I could maybe find a usb drive with a program that would shut down the whole facility. I found one. Labelled on it was anime3.exe, so of course I did the sensible thing and stuck it in the nearest computer.

これはspookypartです 

There was only one file on the drive. It was anime3.exe. I was curious to see if there was an emergency shut down switch in the file, so I opened it. First, I saw Filthy Frank going on that rant that is so offensive to a weeaboo like me. The video then started playing differently. Filthy Frank started to say "KEEP CLICKING BITCH KEEP CLICKING THAT GODAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCREEN!" So I did just that. Filthy Frank started to emit hyper-realistic blood that started to morph into playing boku no pico. I then saw an anime skeleton that really fucking spooked me. Next, I saw Okabe from steins;gate bleeding hyper-realistically with his skin peeling off. I then saw the events of 9/11. When the plane crashed into the building, I saw so much hyper-realistic anime blood coming from the building that it felt almost too edgy and offensive. This was so much edgier and spooky than the last two anime.exe things. This would probably cause me to commit suicide again, but I still continued due to my curiosity. I saw Hideo Kojima on the screen raping Konami and telling me to help him do so. This was an endless hell of edge, I didn't think I could last much longer.

The third suicide です 

At the end of the file, I saw the emergency shutdown button, so I pressed it. When I pressed it, it said I had defeated Lizard Squad, but that anime3.exe would still cause me to commit suicide. I had finally defeated Lizard Squad, a part of the illuminati, and I felt like one of the dankest people in earth. Then I commited suicide.

Again.

Fuck you author for killing me off again.

Hopefully this will be over です 

Well, the author decided to put me through more bullshit again. For some reason, I can't stay dead for a change. Even though I defeated Lizard Squad, I am being called back just for the sake of more sequels and jokes. I'm starting to believe my waifus don't need me, and that I'm actually not Japanese. Eren Jaeger isn't a Japanese name, how fucking stupid am I? I go onto my computer and see that there is more e-mail bullshit that this author is making me go through. I have no choice, however. He controls me. I am part of him. I am the author.

Hopefully the last e-mail です 

The e-mail I see before me on the screen has no name. In the message, it only says anime4.exe. It also includes a download link. However, this is not what catches my attention. The name of who the e-mail is from does. epicalex95. I recognize the name. It is the author of these stupid-ass stories. However, I am a part of the author. I have a deep connection with him. I click on the link for just one more stupid experience, just for the fun of it. The author also makes me revert back to my idiotic weeaboo state. Sugoi.

The last spooky part です 

First, I see a Kawaii waifu on the screen. What happens next really spooks me. The waifu starts to bleed hyper-realistic blood and then starts to make out with Filthy Frank, who is also is also bleeding hyper-realistically. Next, I see Mutahar from someordinarygamers reading some of the spookiest creepypastas I've ever heard. While he's reading them, I see his eyes turn into black voids while hyper-realistic blood emits from his eye sockets and and mouth. That wasn't the worst however. Next I saw some of the spookiest pachinko machines I've seen in my life. I had to watch 5 minutes of my childhood favourites get turned into packinko machines. I knew it. It was fucking Konami again. It was at the end of the footage of the pachinko machines. It was the Konami logo. Not only was it the logo itself on the screen, there was also a hyper-realistic snuff photo to go along with it. If that wasn't enough, I saw footage of the resident evil and mega man franchises being raped by Capcom, then being left to rot, forever forgotten by Capcom. After that, all I saw on the screen was every single edgy anime ever released.

I'm done with being a weeaboo 

The author has allowed me to become aware of my true existance again. The contents of anime4.exe did not cause me to commit suicide for once.

I've had it. I have to put an end to my suffering caused by the author. That meant I was technically committing suicide, but it was different. Killing the author was killing myself, but it would also end the suffering that I've had to endure. 

I was an idiot.

I spent my time in these stories, oblivious to my real threat, which was myself. I was put in the spotlight as an idiotic weeaboo. I had no chance to be what I wanted. I was never in control. Now, while I'm still being controlled by the author, I'm aware that I am, and there's nothing I can do about it.

The true end 

I make my way to a door. I have been given an urge to open it, so I do. Carefully making my way inside, I spot a man sitting in a chair. Next to him, I notice another chair. 

An empty seat.

I have a very good idea of who this man is. He knows I do as well. I decide to sit down in the empty seat. The man and I stare at each other for a good minute before the man begins to open his mouth.

"Hello Alex," he says to me.

Alex? I was pretty sure that was not my name. However, I started to realize I never really had a name to begin with. My name being Eren Jaeger was just a joke to me now. The author intended it as a joke.

"Alex, I've made you realize this. You are me. I created you. That's why your name is Alex, which is the name I share with you. You still may not have much of a choice, but I want you to end this. Take this. It's a knife. Plunge it into me. I want you to feel the satisfaction of physically harming your worst enemy, while I get a sense of closure from your kill. I won't actually be physically harmed, but it will feel real for you. This will end the suffering". 

I take the knife that he's holding in his hand. The feeling of cold steel in my hand makes me feel close to pure death. With sadistic pleasure, I start to slowly drive my knife into Alex's heart.

It feels good.

I can feel myself start to feel myself blacking out. I feel blood emitting from the same spot where I stabbed Alex. I've never felt this fulfilled before. Death never felt this real before. Everything is finally done.

It feels like the end.

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