Another Lost Episode Pasta
Author's note: This is a sequel to this story. Read it. Or don't. I don't really care.
It has been approximately... some time since I've watched that lost Jimmy Neutron episode and made that story that was 100% totally real. Oh and I guess Jimmy coming to my front door and exploding for no reason was also weird. Anyway, after getting a new DVD player, I decided to go out and look for another lost episode disc to write another terrible story on. Park trash cans are always the best places to find CD's so I decided to go to the park.
When I went to the park however, I noticed a familiar face sitting on the bench (and I don't mean just a face, the person still had a body for the face to be attached to, it was... you get the idea). The familiar face happened to be Simon Nelson "Cookie" Cook (wait would the Cookie part go before or after Nelson? Whatever) from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. What was odd about this is that it wasn't the actor for Cookie, or even a grown up version of Cookie. It was literally Cookie as he appeared in later seasons of the show. He was even wearing the same clothes from an episode. Which episode? I don't know but that's irreelevent.
I went up to Cookie to ask him what the heck he was doing here. He said a whole bunch of shit that wasn't fucking important so I'll just skip that and get to the discover of the lost episode. Cookie then handed me a VHS tape of a lost episode of Ned's Decl- fuck it you know the show. I told him I couldn't watch it because I didn't have a VHS player. "Not a problem" he said, so he instead handed me a DVD instead. After that, Cookie just disappread out of thin air. No joke, he just handed me the DVD, and was gone just like that. No smoke. No Effects. No nothing. Just gone in a second.
After getting the lost episode tape, I ran back home and opened up my laptop so that I can easily watch the DVD and then record it in a troll- I mean "online story". Oh yeah turns out I didn't need the DVD player in the first place. I'll just leave that part in anyway. Anyway, I opened up the cd tray and inserted the CD into the tray and closed it. After some program stuff, I was ready to watch this lost episode.
The episode begins with a zoom up camera move of the school and then it immeditaly cuts to Ned Bigby. I could have sworn that this wasn't how the intro was supposed to play. But then again., it is a lost episode. Anywho, after the cut it showed Ned sitting on top of some books talking. He said "Hey, Ned Bigby here. I'm gonna give you tips on how to survive math class". Ned's crush friend Moze then comes into frame and warns Ned that Coconut Head has started to shoot up the school. For some reason, Ned wasn't bothered by this because it meant that he didn't have to attend math class. I would have been offended by this, but considering that school shootings are now funny according to the internet, I ignored it. Coconut head then comes up and starts singing Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. What's odd about this is that he isn't even singing it, he's just talking it normally. Coconut Head then shoots Mosely with a gun and then she dies. Ned for some reason is still not bothered by this and thanks Coconut Head for getting him out of Math Class. Coconut Head then curses at Ned because he's apparantly the reason Coconut- fuck it, i'll just call him CH from now on. Anyway, CH curses at Ned because Ned is the reason CH is shooting up the school. That's right, they were actually going to allow SWEARING on a children's show episode! Who the fuck thought this was a good idea. Anyway (take a shot everytime I say that), Ned pleads with CH to not shoot him but CH refuses beause Ned gave him the idea to anal fist toddlers and that made him a dork. It looks like Ned is about to die until someone comes crashing in through the walls of the school. It was Paul Blart from Mall Cop. Paul Blart kills CH by shooting him with lightning bolts. CH explodes and Ned thanks Paul for saving him and he leaves to ride off to a place called flavor town. Ned ends the episode with a survival tip, "Never anal fist babies without Mom's permission".
I was flabbergasted with what I saw, not because the episode involved school shootings and characters from terrible movies, but by the fact that a children's show contained swearing. I was ready to write my story until I realized that I was on the site Youtube. It turns out I was actually watching a video about a fake lost episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. I still had the real lost episode in my disc drive. Guess I have to write this "story".
The real lost episode begins with the intro where it should start with a transition of night time to day time. However, it was instead a transition of day to night time. Next, where it should show Ned and Moze getting pulled away by the bullies of their same gender after Ned says "bullies, Ned and Moze were instead pulled away by the bullies of their opposite gender. Next, where it says "insane teachers", instead of Sweeny's room being set on fire, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL WAS ON FIRE. After that, where it showed "gross school lunches" and Cookie breathing fire, it cut back to THE ENTIRE SCHOOL being ON FIRE. After that, the intro played normally until it got to the part where Ned blows the airhorn and wakes up the class. What was different about this was that the airhorn was only a bit louder than what it usually was. Everything else seemed normal, except that the singing was pixelated, reversed, in g major, lower pitched, and slightly louder. After that, it got to the part where Ned repeats the show's title, excpet for some reason he doesn't say "results may vary". The rest of the episode played like a normal Ned episode. In fact, apart from the different intro, it WAS a normal Ned episode. Absolutely nothing creepy or weird happened at all.
After being heavily dissapointed in this DVD not giving me enough story material, I took it out, cut it with scissors, smashed it with a hammer, pounded it with a mallet, set it on fire, and did the same thing minus the scissors cutting 3 more times just to be safe. Because of this awful DVD, I can no longer trust park trash cans for lost episode DVD. Instead, I'll have to try the neighborhood.
Oh were you expecting an ending? Too bad. You don't get any. Toodles!
Written by Kevin-The-Skeleton
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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