Assassin's Creed - Third Time's a Charm
Author's note: This is my first pasta, and it is a sequel to the first two AC pastas that were made about Brotherhood, and Revelations. Some of it is a true story.
The following text below is a typed copy of a blog that once belonged to a minor named James Hardin. This was preserved by the secret service, and has been published anonymously as a warning to those who have pre-ordered Ubisoft's big hit.
James' Journal
08/16/2012
Hi, my name is James. I'm a huge Assassin's Creed Fan. I have made this blog to mark my progress in the upcoming game, Assassin's Creed III. You see, a lot of people make YouTube walkthroughs, and all that shit, but I decided to make a blog, with screenshots and all just to be more unique because walkthroughs are, in my opinion, overrated. So today, I just pre-ordered Assassin's Creed III (Yay!). To my surprise though, I did not get the sexy steelbook that was supposed to come with it the day you pre-order. The cashier told me that the steelbook was supposed to come the day I pick it up. I was pretty sure that the steelbook was supposed to come with it. I knew this for sure, because I am literally obsessed with the AC series, and all of my friends got the steelbook. Well, I didn't trust the cashier's reply, because his actions made me think he or she was a recruit (couldn't tell the gender, he/she had a girl's voice and long bangs, but his physical built was masculine, couldn't see the face he/she had his/her hood over it). The cashier was hesitant when handling my $5 pre-order deposit. I didn't trust the cashier, so I decided I would come back in a couple of days after school to confirm the steelbook issue with one of their more experienced staff. The point is, I am bloody upset I didn't get my steelbook, and my friends did. Whatever, there's two weeks until game releases.
08/19/2012
It is finally a Friday, and my friend and I went back to GameStop (store that I pre-ordered the game in) to ask another staff member about the steelbook issue. I came in with my receipt, ready to pick up my steelbook. I asked one of the staff about my steelbook issue, even going to describing the cashier, and how he looked. He has two responses. One : Yes, I was correct. I was supposed to get my steelbook the day I picked it up. Two : This particular store had a customer service policy of "no hoods or hats allowed", so the staff member told me that that it is unlikely that the cashier from three days ago was wearing a hood. Well, that gave me more reason to believe that the cashier from three days ago is a FREAKING DIPSHIT. I SWEAR I AM SO MAD. The staff member told me that the steelbooks had just ran out, and they weren't getting any more shipments from Ubisoft. I thanked him, and walked out as calm as I could. But when I exited the store, I became so fucking pissed. I took out some of my anger at my friend, who was freaked out. After half an hour of my friend trying to calm me down, I finally got tired, and became calm again. It was just a steelbook, I don't know why I raged. But it was a sexy steelbook, and I kinda wanted it as a collector's item. I remembered, it didn't matter as it was less that 2 weeks away from the release of AC3.
08/26/2012
Kso, Friday again. Playin MW3 with my friends despite the fact that I hate CoD. Still pre-ordered Black Ops II, as it's the only thing I can play with my friends. You see, the only thing my friends play is CoD. CoD sucks, to be honest, same shit over and over again, just rehashed user interface. Anyways, I shouldn't be ranting about CoD, this blog is all about AC3. Still a bit disappointed about the steelbook issue, but my disappointment is overshadowed by excitement in the release of AC3. What the hell is this post even about lmao. I should delete it, but like I'll post anyway. See ya guys on the release day.
08/30/2012 - 3:45pm
Oh fuck yes! Release day! Right now, I'm typing on my phone on the way to gamestop. My iPhone should fix all the capitals but for some reason, it wont fix the apostrophes but who gives a shit. the news right now is all bout ac3. just picked up copy of the game, still no steelbook, but that's alright, ive gotten over it. damn, the cashier that i picked it up from was hot. she wasn't much older than me and she had the biggest tits I've ever seen. she was probably an intern. should've asked for her number, but my focus right now is on ac3. oh, just noticed auto-spell now corrects for apostrophes but stopped doing capitals. lmao, dumb phone is dumb. as i exited the store, i though i saw the same hooded dumbass cashier from two weeks ago, but he or she isn't there. anyways, i am walking to my house now, but because I'm so focused on getting home quick, and typing on my phone, and the hot cashier at gamestop, and watching stop lights to make sure i don't get hit by a car, i barely noticed something on the game cover. instead of Connor tomahawking a redcoat, he was assassinating an American soldier. a bluecoat, or continental soldier. this is rather odd as connor is thought to be on "the greater good" side also known as usa-george washington side. i finally get home. i open the door, flop my shoes in the shoe rack, say a quick hi to my parents, and run to my room where my ps3 and TV is located. hang on guys switching to laptop so that i can type with proper punctuation and shit.
Credited to TheChillWillz
Originally uploaded on October 27, 2012
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