Attack of the Gimmick Bands

I was walking home from work late one night when I heard a voice call to me from the shadows:

"You in the wrong neighborhood, boy."

I turned and saw Slipknot exit a nearby alley.

"S-Sorry," I said. "I'll be on my way."

"Too late for that," Spiked Head Man said as he tried to head butt me with the spikes on his head. I sidestepped his attack only to find his bandmate, Long Nose Man, trying to stick his long nose where it didn't belong.

Frightened for my life, I ran into a nearby church. Inside, I saw a familiar silhouette standing at the pulpit. "It's the Pope!" I cried. "He'll save me!" But when he turned around, I realized it wasn't the Pope. It was Spooky Skeleton Face from Ghost. His bandmates appeared from nowhere and attempted to wrestle me to the ground. At some point, their devil masks fell off revealing them to be the original members of Kiss. I suddenly felt pretty brave because they're old, so I figured I could probably take them in a fight. That's when Gene Simmons breathed flames and set my head on fire.

At that point, I figured I was done for. Not only did I flee the church looking like Michael Jackson on the set of a Pepsi commercial, but I was being pursued by a bunch of psychotic musicians. Alice Cooper had joined the chase, as well as Mushroomhead. To this day, I have no idea why they were after me, but one thing was for certain: they were not going to stop until I was dead.

Just then, someone blasted me with a fire extinguisher. It was one of the dudes from GWAR.

"B-But why would you help me!" I stammered. "You're one of them!"

He shook his head. "We are but chemo to their cancer."

And with that, GWAR met the other musicians in all out war. The battle sounded pretty intense as I made my escape, something like a heavy metal battle royal. I wish I could give you more details, but I ran home and hid under my bed like a little bitch.

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Credited to yogi_bugbear 

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