Attack of the Italian breadsticks!
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NSFW WARNING
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One day, I was pumping sperm into norweigen hookers until a limosine drove by. My friend, who was pumping mexican hookers screamed. He said, "Hey man dat limo stopped for us!" When the chauffer stepped out of the limosine, he whipped out his four foot long dick. My friend thought his dick was so amazing, he grobbled on his knees and was trying to suck it. Now naturally I was disgusted, so I shot my fucking friend in the face. I squatted down at his corpse and I said "Take that cheeseball." Then I ripped out his still beating heart and ate it. I pointed my finger at the chauffer and whippedout my six foot long penis. Soon the chauffer was getting desperate, so he made his dick erect. The dick was 88 feet long. "Pfffffft" I scoffed. I erected my penis and it was 4,000,000,000 miles long. His jaw dropped to the pavement. I punched his face so hard that his skull exploded. And that's why they name me bitchin the impaler.
But enough bragging about my amazingness let's get to the story. I love italian food. My favorite part of italian restaurants is when I'm finished, because italian food tastes like shit, but my second favorite part of italian food was the breadsticks. Mmmmm the breadsticks. Whenever I munched on one of them I swear that I hear a little squeal. And a little hyper realistic blood comes out.
ANY fucking way today was halloween and it was scaaaary and spoooky. During halloween though, the trick or treaters always give ME their fucking candy. If one kid in my neighborhood doesn't show up in front of my house I would go batshit crazy and I would begin a massacre. I can kill children in over 375,000,000 different ways and that's only with my bare hands. This halloween, only one kid was missing, Charles. "FUCKING CHARLES" I screamed! I began to get my kamehameha ready to blast the kids away until one kid ran up to me and handed me a giant breadstick. I stopped charging my kamehameha and I examined it.
It was like nothing i've ever seen before I cried and sang "My Friends" from Sweeney Todd and I kicked the kid so hard that her organs went out like splat. "NOW GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN YOU FUCKERS!!!!!!1111" They all ran away, "Pussies I muttered." I jerked off for a while until I decided to eat the breadstick. Until suddenly, It turned into a giant monster and it began smashing the city.
"OH SHIT!" I yelled in panic. Then the italian breadstick summoned an army of bread sticks and smashed everything in the world until it became a desert planet. Many fighters tried to take the bread sticks down, and failed. Now with my incredible awesomeness powers I can beat the shit out of these fuckers.
I ran up to a breadstick and punched it in the nose, literally obliterating it. I continuosly did this until I was with the leader of the breadsticks. "THIS ENDS NOW!" I took out a chainsaw and went inside of him. Then I killed him from the inside.
I now live alone on this planet, masturbating and eating breadsticks.
Written by Supernotch23
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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