Attack of the Killer Potatoes

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It was a very rainy day, I was washing my kitchen sink with lobster oil when a potato rolled towards me. It was REALLY damn scary, I shat my pants and ran outside. I started yelling "THE POTATOES ARE COMING" while running at about 60 miles per hour, everyone looked at me saying "wtf", and eventually the police arrived. They tried to kill me but they didn't because I gave them kicks in the chins and a groin chop, which killed them all instantly. Standing in the ocean of blood I heard the sound of more police sirens and dashed off.

I was running through the amazon forest when I came across a big river, I decided to jump in it and hope that it would wash me to safety, but instead it washed me out into the ocean. I almost died, but I was able to reach an island before I drowned. I climbed on the island.

I was on the island for 48 days, surviving only on coconuts and pineapples, when I finished the rescue raft that I was working on and decided to swim home. I was on the raft for about 4 hours until I heard something rolling behind me, it was the potato! The potato sacked me in the nuts, my blood pouring out from my crotch into the sea immensely. I suddenly saw lots of shadows below the water, circling around me as I sat desperately with pain the size of a titan. The shadows rose, and they turned out to be gigantic potatoes ready mash, bash, and trash me into my doom. The potato that nut-sacked me said one final word before I died...

"GO TO POTATO!!!!!!"

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