Australia Is Not Real

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Written by Reddit user Milton_Walters for their English language homework.

Australia is not real. It was made up by lizard people to sell kangaroo toys to children.

Firstly, I have never met anyone from Australia in person. I thought I should get that out of the way.

Secondly, Australia makes no sense at all!! The lizards can't even keep their story straight. Is Australia a country? Or is it a continent? Is it an island? Is it all of them? Not to mention that they didn't even give Australians their own language, they just made them speak English and changed the accent a little. Tolkien put more effort into the Elves of Middle-Earth than the lizards put into the Australians of Australia.

Their excuse for why Australians speak English is that the English sent dangerous criminals to Australia during the colonial era, as punishment. Excuse me? How could a bunch of criminals found a country with a formal government? The concept is completely ridiculous. This complete lack of any logic or reason in the history of Australia lines up perfectly with the fact that there is NO GREAT LITERATURE from Australia. The lizards are obviously very poor writers, so of course they couldn't fake any such great works. Everything fits into place.

Not to mention that the animals seem less like real creatures, and more like inane concepts conjured by a child's unbridled and uninformed imagination-- or an alien lizard, largely unfamiliar with the ecosystems of our planet. A mammal that has a bill and lays eggs? A bipedal, jumping deer, with a built-in storage slot? I would sooner accept Santa Claus as part of reality, than entertain the thought of the existence of these strange beasts for one second!

"What about the Australians I see on social media?"

They are all bots. Simple. All of them are fake accounts run by neural networks. To be frank, they aren't even very convincing. They constantly post about Christmas in the middle of summer!

"What about Australian youtubers, like medieval arms enthusiast 'Shadiversity' or artist 'Jazza'? How do you explain their existence?"

They are actors paid by the lizards. SIMPLE. Shadiversity commonly makes false statements in his videos; meanwhile, Jazza's great capability with creative work makes him a very capable liar. Neither can be trusted, not in the slightest.

"But I personally know someone from Australia!"

Burn down your house, escape into the countryside and make sure not to leave a trail. Buy a fake ID with a new name, get plastic surgery to change your face, and burn off your fingerprints. It will be difficult, but you still have a chance to escape.

"I'm Australian! Are you saying I don't exist?"


In conclusion, Australia is no more real than the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, or New Zealand. Anyone who says otherwise is being deluded by lizards, and likely has a brain comparable to that of a beetle.

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