BACKYARD BASEBALL.EXE: 666 EDITION

I was a fan of the Backyard Sports series when I was little, and I continue to have fond memories of it. EVERYONE knew about that game when I was little, especially the celebrity athletes and PABLO FREAKIN' SANCHEZ, DESTROYER OF WORLDS! However, one day had history repeat itself, and I vowed myself to never touch a children's baseball game ever again.

I was sitting in my home, playing Far Cry 4 (I liked how you could explore the towns in it), until I saw in my peripheral vision the mailman delivering the mail. I paused the game, walked on over to my doorstep, and found a big brown box. Unwrapping the box like a madman, I found a computer game box and a note.

The note read,

"Jay,

I can't take it anymore, I had to get rid of this thing somehow before it was too late, and I was hoping you'd do it for me. I can't do it, he's after me, and if you don't destroy this CD, he'll come after you too, he's too fast for me....

Please Jay, destroy this god-forsaken disc before he comes after you too, it's too late for me.

Destroy the disc, and you'll destroy him, but do it quick otherwise he'll catch you. Don't even play the game, it's what he wants, just destroy it.

Please...

Alfred."

Well, that was certainly weird. Alfred was my BFF, but I hadn't seen him in years. It was very refreshing to see anything from him, let alone his insight.

Looking at the box, it was titled BACKYARD BASEBALL.EXE: 666 EDITION. It featured a pitching mound, but instead of a friendly baseball game, I saw a total massacre. PABLO FREAKIN' SANCHEZ, DESTROYER OF WORLDS was featured in the center of the box, staring at me with hyper-realistic black sclera and red dots for eyes, with hyper-realistic blood bleeding from his hyper-realistic eyes. His weapon was a combination of a baseball bat and a chainsaw, with metal teeth jutting out on the sweet spot of the bat, dull as a dodo, revving up, hungry for human flesh. Mark McGwire's severed head was on PABLO FREAKIN' SANCHEZ, DESTROYER OF WORLDS' baseball mitt (which also was hyper-realistic), and Kenny Kawaguchi's photo-realistic gallbladder was right on the chainsaw/bat teeth. In the stands were mounds of dead people, where their intestines served as the guardrails and they were eating hot dogs out of their severed limbs.

PABLO FREAKIN' SANCHEZ, DESTROYER OF WORLDS was a monster: a pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish, demented monster... and all of his victims, including Mark McGwire, Kenny Kawaguchi, the children in the stands, and possibly Alfred were just his little toys, and the game was the very gateway into his chaotic, nightmarish world and the very Hell his victims were trapped in.

That's when I realized: that this situation was the making of a heavily cliched, uninspired Creepypasta trying too hard to shock its readers with mindless gore and random 666 references.

Heeding my friend Alfred's advice, I ripped the box with my bare hands, cut it with scissors, took out the game disc, which featured BACKYARD BASEBALL.EXE: 666 EDITION written crudely in black Sharpie on a blank disc (very original, I know), microwaved the disc for 2 minutes, smashed the disc with a hammer, and threw the remains into the garbage can.

I sat down peacefully playing Far Cry 4, never having to worry about some tomfoolery about PABLO FREAKIN' SANCHEZ, DESTROYER OF WORLDS plushies, computer viruses, or getting killed by some cartoon character. What kind of an idiot would play a game as suspicious as BACKYARD BASEBALL.EXE: 666 EDITION?

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