Banjo-Kazooie nuts and bolts: lost level
NOTE: THIS ALL HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE OF AN AMAZING PERSON, ME.
PICTURE COMING SOON
When I bought Xbox 360, I got 3 games. Gears of war 2, best shooter saga in in world. Fable 2, a great fantasy game. And Banjo Kazooie N&B, that was great game, but only if it didn't feature Banjo and Kazooie. If you don't know what Banjo Kazooie games were, they were great 3D platform games by Rareware. But Banjo Kazooie N&B was very different. You had to make vehicles by finding and gaining parts by quests. All BK fans hated the game.
PART 1
I finished the game, but somewhere on website I saw that someone was talking about a lost level in the game. His/her name was TotallyNotGrunty2014. Also there was no replies at all. He/she sayd that he/she found it, and he/she knows how to get into it. He/she then published a tutorial how to get in it. I wont publish it, because... Uh... Well I don't want to get you in a this... Shit...
Well, after hours of trying to get in the lost level, I got in! I was so happy! But the level looked weird at all... It was something that looked like a graveyard. Tombstones everywhere... Crows... Blood and bones... It was scary. The sky was dark, and it had a scary big moon. There were no stars at all. I was a bit scared, but I wanted to see the level more. I sat into a plane I made. I flyed on a mountain, that was pitch black, because I saw a strange figure. It looked a bit like Grunty... Yeah ... It was Grunty... I pressed X to talk to her. That what she sayd completely scared me. Grunty didn't talk in rhimes like before, that was weird. Well, she sayd "Welcome bird and bear, so you didn't fear? Well, let's play a game..." Kazooie sayd "I thought you are stuck in LOG's game store making games! How could a ugly witch like you escape? Well, what's the game?" Banjo asked Grunty what's the game too, because idk. Granty sayd "Well, the rules of this game is... Don't move so I can catch you! You wouldn't escape at all. I always wanted to take a taste of this chicken's meat... Hmmm... And from you, bear, I will make a nice carpet..." She then looked at me. " and you... You will work for me... Until I take taste of your meat..." She then looked back at Banjo and Kazooie. I was so scared. My head was full of questions. Is this dream? Will I survive? I then choosed a vehicle. She sayd " Let the game begin" She then laughted evil. So I tried to ride away as I can, but her vehicle was damn fast, and she defeated me. When she got me, Banjo sayd " Oh god no... Kazooie... Fly away as you can!" Kazooie didn't say anything, and flyed away. But Grunty had a chameleon tongue, so she catched Kazooie. She then eated her. I will never forget Banjo's look. He was so scared, that he couldn't move. Grunty sayd "Yummy, this is better than KFC..." she then looked at Banjo with evil smirk. Then the screen cut black, and after 20 minutes of looking at black screen, I could see how Grunty had a carpet, made out of Banjo. She had still red feathers and blood next to mouth. She killed her pink cat, and made hat out of her. Then she looked at me. She sayd "Now, it's time... For you" I fainted. Later I woke up in her house. I was a vulture. She then sayd " Oh.. So you woke up... Well, I am TotallyNotGrunty2014. Well, you have to do something to me, or you will end up like Kazooie." She then licked her lips. I sayd " A-and whats that...?" She then sayd " well, you'll have to defeat LOG. He was ugly anyways." I then asked her "But... How?" She, withoun saying anything gave a sniper. I then got back to Showdown town. I saw LOG while I was flying. I aimed... And shot LOG into butt. LOG, then looked at the directionon where I was. He teleported next to me. I was scared. He says " Why did you hurt my butt? What do I have now to shit, sit or talk with? Wow... What a bad vulture... " I then says him what happened. He sayd " Well, youre forgiven. But, where's that lost level?" I then showed him where the level is. He sat into tank and killed Grunty. But he couldn't revive Banjo and Kazooie.
So, here I am. I am a vulture, I have to do all that hard work LOG or other people want from me. I just replaced Banjo and Kazooie. I just sometimes don't understand, why me? Also, I am professional sniper. I am now writing this, to save you from things that happened to me. If you find someone named TotallyNotGrunty2014, leave, and commit suicide.
PART 2
After couple of years full of hard work, LOG wanted something special from me. He invited me to some dark room. When we were in it, he sayd "Well, so we are here. After those years, I see that you really improved in battle. You have to do something for me." "Like, what?" I sayd. "It's top secret mission..." In the room was giant TV. He turned it on. After typing super secret code I can't tell you, there were strange photos. It was... Evil Patrixxx. I looked on LOG. "What with him?" I sayid. LOG sayid "You'll have to kill him.". "BUT EVIL PATRIXXX CAN'T DIE!!!" I screamed like a girl. LOG sayid "Then you failed." He sayd in angry voice. "w-well... Okay..." I knew Evil Patrixxx can't die, but what to do, when some ugly computer screams at you, while you're turned into vulture in world full of talking animals? So I got out, and search for Evil Patrixxx began. It was long, long adventure. I was in Africa, America, I was just everywhere, but I couldn't find Evil Patrixxx. But I couldn't go back, because LOG is big bitch. I just hated him. I was tired, so I did go sleep. We'll, so when I woke up,I did go back to Showdown town, hoping to survive LOGs scream. When I got back to Showdown town, I couldn't believe my eyes. Showdown town... Was destroyed. Only thing I could see were ruins, and my beak. So, I flyed back to Africa, where all vultures belong. I was happy, because I thought that LOG is dead.I wanted to kill Simba, you know, that ugly lion bitch who killed poor hyenas and vultures. So when I was near that ugly rock thing, I saw Simba. I shot him into his genitalia. He screamed and cryed like little girl. Nala was running to Simba, because she didn't know what's happening. I had no ammo for my sniper, so I had to use my beak. I flyed on Nalas back, and I putted my beak into her butthole, so her butthole bleeded. I will wash that shits on my beak later, I thought. Lions saw me. They sayd with low pitch voice "KILL THAT VULTURE!". Sadly for them I heard that. I flyed away, still laughting. In the air I was looking how Simba was licking his genitalia, to make it hurt less. Later he died. Nala was licking her butthole, but the same happened to her. When the show ended, I was going to river to wash my beak, but it was still stinking... When I was washing my beak, something pink was waling out of river. It was... EVIL PATRIXXX! So, I died.
Written by TheLaserVulture
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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