Be careful working from home when your manager "rings"

I was a lonely IT worker with a post-it note taped over my webcam for obvious reasons. When the zombie apocalypse began but was still in it's early stages and no-one really knew about the zombie part yet, I got out of bed one Tuesday morning ready for the team's status meeting on Microsoft Link/SkypeForBusiness/Teams.

Our team leader said "hey guys you must be getting lonely all by yourselves at home, right!" in his usual fuckwit fashion. No-one said anything back to him for a couple of seconds, seemed like everyone was on mute.

Then I felt almost bad and being the one on the team who is least on the spectrum, I unmuted my mic and jokingly said "yeah, totally" in the driest and most monotone tone I could.

That's when shit went kraykray. My screen goes black then all static like an old TV that's not tuned, and I heard a strange noise, like a manager reciting the tome of meeting cliches. "synergistic, circle back, push forward" I could almost make out over the white noise.

Then my manager's twisted fat corpus came out of the screen. He's sitting beside me all day now and won't leave. I've had to put pants on. This is a home office nightmare. A. Nightmare. He won't leave, the fat fuck.

---

Credited to Headpuncher 

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