Because 7 8TE 9

Alright, here i am the one you have all been talking about.

It's been about .0012546 seconds since ive posted my amazing story, so im sure you are all talking about me.

This is a tale about... *gulp* 7....

In most people's opinion 7 is a pretty alright number, smart, charming. Who wouldent want to sleep with him?

But my story sheads a verry, verry, verry, verry, verry, verry different light on the freind we all think we know...

It all started one day in my toilet-less shack.

I was trying to do math homework.

3 + 4... man these problems were hard, but all thoes years in night school have really payed off let me tell you.

It just took me a measly 3 hours to figure it out!

I had that aha moment, like einstien and jebus when they created thoes big lies everyone fell for.

3 + 4, It's 8! my god how could i of been so STUPID it's 8!

After all thoes hours of thinking so much mucous had accumulated on my nose 

(because when i (like many others( including everyone( excluding dinosaurs))) think hard we force all our mucus out of our nose and just let it hang there.)

That when it started hardening it blocked my nasal passageways and sealed my lips shut, so as you would expect i took a little invoulentary nap.

Moreover, When i woke up i noticed something, strange....

A 7 had liften from the paper into a three dimensional figure and stared at me with big glowing eyes, so i put my walkman on and said i might aswell kick it.

At the time i thought meh, im probably just high, and my mom had injected me with cocane as she does so i dont murder some one like i did back in 87.

But holy jebus was i wrong.

After listening to my music for hours while trying to wax my eye lashes, i looked up at my mom dormant with a nuse around her neck, wich was weird because she was fully clothed this time.

And then i remembered that i heared a ton of screaming while listening to my music, i had origionally thoguht i was listening to some type of hardcore metal rap.

But the reality was much less interesting.

I looked at my mom's carcas and for some reason i had a hunch that if i stick my hand into her mouth and grabbed her heart and yanked it out back out through her mouth, that she would be ok again!

But then i thought, i cant violate my mother like that.

So like any reasonable human i instead walked out the room, then cut the phone line so no one would bother me, and then using a circular saw cut her heart out instead.

This proved to not succeed in bringing her back, but at the verry least i had a grrrrrrrreat! snack.

While eating her heart i noticed something, there was a statue of a number 7 inside her heart!

Then, I picked up the 7 and i could of sworn the thing said "WHATCHA LOOKIN AT PLAYA?!, DONT MAKE ME CUT YA!!" but i choose to ignore any sign of racial steriotypes, so it didn't happen, IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

The 7 then jumped out of my hand and grew huge.

I marveled at the giant 7, and then the 7 developed an extra line that enclosed the other part of the 7, forming a triangle. and then i thought, of course... the illuminati!

Then the 7 turned red then i thought, of course... the communist illuminati!

And then for some god damn stupid reason i stared into its gap.

The space inside the triangle was bright and i saw wonderful things, hitler, a man dying, me dying, satan. 

And then it hit me, my god.. MY GOD, ITS GOD! and now it made so much sence, 7 is a triangle, which is the illiminati, which is communist, which is god, how could i of not seen it before!

I then bowed before it and offered my son as an offering to show my devotion to this mysterious entity i had just witnessed. By the way my son was looking in through the door the whole time, hi son!

The 7 sucked me into his hole.

Sample Paragraph Transition, I was then in some strange dimension with numbers everywhere.

And there lying in a pool of red numbers, was 8.

I started crying. YOU BLEW IT UP, YOU MONSTERS!

I was then spit back out into my reality, where i instantly lost interest in everythign that has been going on.

And then i looked at my math homework and saw all the 8s where gone!

I looked at the communist triangle god and asked it, why?

and then i figured it out. 3 + 4 was 7...

*sappy violin music starts playing* 7 just felt neglected that i chose 8 instead of 7, when it should of been 7.

I went up to seven and apologised for what clearly was my fault and that i understood his completely rational corse of actions.

After that i grew a close relationship with him, we even sleped tougether, althoguh i did get a few cuts and minor bleed out sessions due to his sharp edges.

But everything was fine. 

One day while we were feasting on my son's corpse he popped the question.

To which i said, yes! i will, i will spend an eternity in hell with you, you wonderful deamon!

And like that we went to hell. Since i was a human there was no way back for me, but i didn't care, i was happy that i could spend the rest of eternity with him.

The End.

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