Bi-Polar Express
On Christmas Eve, many 2004s ago, I was thinking about Tim Carry in the Grinch movie, and then Tim Allen in The Santa Clause. I cringed under the sheets. I made it look like I was breathing slowly and silently to disguise the fear I had of a sound I thought I'd never hear.
(UUUGGHHHHAA??)
...
I opened my eyes suddenly, hearing that sound. I blinked repeatedly, and looked at the timer. It said (11:49), I don't really know what significance that had other than it was too late in the night to be hearing that obnoxious sound agai-
(UUUGGHHHHAA??)
I got up quickly and swiftly and peaked through the window. Hearing the sound again, but with combination with another meme. I tiptoed downstairs and the sound played repeatedly again and again. A shadow of someone sitting and getting up showed as the sound volume matched with the step.
Getting closer, closer, ...closer.
The fridge opened and I peaked around the corner. It was just a computer on YouTube, playing Tim Allen Grunt meme compilations. It was my father, named "The Father" and he got back to the monitor with a packet of pepperoni.
I ran back to my room, and searched up is the north pole have people on my phone. The first result went to National Geographic, which was a black screen with Arial font text saying:
NO, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT.
I read it quietly out loud, but then got back to sleeping as both "The Parents" walked in.
(whispering) "Is he dead?"
"Hell no, just asleep. Let's go over to him for no reason.
"Tom Hanks would be proud, ...Tim Carry would be better."
:/ (surprised)
They quietly walked out, and then SLAMED THE DOOR as hard as possible for some reason, but I slept through it. However, the thought keep being in my head.
Tim Carry would be better?
I decided to keep sleeping, but then stuff began shaking.
(dun-d-d-d-d-d-d-d)
"Wha-wa-a-a-a-a-t-tha-fu-kisg-o-e-eng-O-O-ON-N-N-N!?"
The rest of the family evacuated out, but I stayed there confused in my bed. Things kept shaking, but then my phone fell off the bed, which caused it to seemingly emit my Keemstar screaming meme ringtone.
EARTHQUAKE
(TRAIN WHISTLE, TRAIN WHISTLE, TRAIN, WHISTLE)
The lights outside blaired side to side, and I ran outside casually in my pajamas. I got to the yard, and slid sideways like in Initial D, speaking of which.
...Train?
The train's very front was a Thomas the Tank Engine face in the middle of a shocked look, so it reminded me a lot of Tom Hanks. I walked forward to the front car, and was about to get on, but then heard a very faint, but loud:
"ALL ABOARD!"
...say what?
"AAAAAAWW ABouaAHHD!"
I walked over to the opposite end of the rattler, he stood there by the second to last car, but it wasn't Tom Hanks, it was Tim Carry.
He raised his eyebrow. "Well, you comin?"
"...where?"
"Why to the North Pole, cuz of course! IT'S THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS."
...
"The fuk is that?"
Conductor Carry gave me a look like The Rock reacting TikToks. "I see."
"I'm assuming you don't believe in Santa?"
I thought of saying 'what does it look like'.
"No."
"Well it says here, no personal email to Santa, no sitting on Mall Santa's lap, and you made your sister watch my version of The Grinch. Mm-hm. Sounds like me you may or may not say yes to, if I were you. ...Get outta here."
"Wait, WHAT?"
"I-I mean, I would think about climbing on aboard."
...
"Really? Yo just gon stand there doin nothing, ah okay."
He got on, and my ringtone sound kept playing as the horn, and it forced me to bouncy-house jump onto the train, and slam my head on the floor of the passenger car.
Written by Minksdinkle7
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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