Bike Race TFG.exe

You all know that one game for mobile devices that was popular 5 years ago? Well, I sure do.

I was a Bike Race TFG fan through and through, as I owned every bike, including promotionals, I had more than 25000 wins, and I unlocked and bought every level. But that has changed.

One day I was sitting home when the mailman gave me a letter from my friend 'Banana Joe'. I was astounded.

"We have a mailman?"

Well, I was looking at the letter, with its sprawling, jumbled handwriting. It looked like it was written by a Down Syndrome 3-year old. That's how I knew it was Banana Joe's. It read

"Deer Bolby, I is riting 2 u 2 warn u abut the Cd I is abut ta giv u. B warnd, it r vari scari."

Attached was a CD, with Bike Race TFG written on it.

I was confused, as Bike Race was for mobile games, not for computers. I brushed this off, figuring that it was just transferred to the computer using some software or something.

Either way, I decided not to listen to Banana Joe. Bike Race could never be as scary as he described in his highly descriptive letter. Even if it was evil, I decided, we couldn't know if the evil had left the CD yet, as Banana Joe didnt add the date in his letter, as he thought it was too many numbers to write down.

Boy was I wrong.

I popped it in the computer, anticipating what I might find. Maybe an expansion to Bike Race? New levels, new bikes, and new ways to play? I was so excited I nearly shat myself.

What I saw when I got in the game scarred me for life. On the title screen, the art was different, it was blood red in color. Instead of saying multiplayer and singleplayerr, it said dead w/ friends and dead. There was also blood dripping out of the corners of those boxes. I decided to play on, as this might be a glitch, or a development joke.

I pressed single player to see if there were any new levels, and there were. It was called Hellscape, and the little picture displaying the background for the levels had a blood red mountain and demons floating around it. I clicked on it, and it had the normal 8 levels, but instead of 3 stars, you could get a total of 3 hell diamonds.

I played the first level. It was just me going in a straight line for about 23 minutes. Then when I got to the end, I saw something that was scary. It was a demon, with blood dripping out of its empty eye sockets. It immediately through a hell-bomb at me, and blew up my character in a scene of graphic gore and violence.

After this, I was tired, so I went to bed. I had horrible nightmares about my bike blowing up, and the fact that I just wasted 23 minutes of my life in that stupid game. When, I woke up, I knew what I had to do.

I ejected the CD, and threw it at the wall, as it made evil demonic cackling sounds. It started to speak

"You think you can defeat me and my army? I have thousands of demons at my command, and I will tear the human world to shreds! All shall bow before Lucifer, king of the depths, and dest..."

Before he could continue on with his long, boring speech, I smashed the CD with a baseball bat.

I decided from that day on, I will never play Bike Race TFG again.

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