Bus Story 1

So this one time I was walking back to my box after a very unsuccessful begging session on Main St. I was walking near a forest and I looked up to see a giant tree towering over all of the others. I thought, "Man, Im'a climb dat tree!" And so I did. I hiked all the way into the forest and began to climb the tall tree. I was about half way to the top when I looked down to see a juicy goose- a goose that I planned to be my dinner. Stealthily, I yelled, "Sneak Attack!" And jumped fifty feet onto the unsuspecting victim, which broke its neck.

Satisfied, I looked around for a place to keep my goose, but then remembered, I'm in the middle of a forest, no one's gonna take mah goose. Happily and confidently, I began to climb the tree again. I finally made it to the top and saw the entire forest. I looked down and - my goose wasn't there! Where did it go? I was freaking out. Did it no die? I did rip it's neck off didn't I? And then I saw something move. What could it be? The thing snorted and moved into the opening. It was a rhinoceros, but not just one. A whole herd of six rhinos was down there, and the largest one was eating my goose! I was enraged! Who would do that! I jumped from the top of mah tree and slammed into dat der rhinosaurus and took him out. Or so I thought. It isn't a good thing to jump onto a rhino when you weigh 60 pounds.

I bounced off of his blubber and sailed twenty feet in the air. Then I fell and landed in its mouth. It was annoying being in their, but at least I got my goose back, so I cooked a fire and at it. Then I realized that the rhino was made of meat. I took out my spoon and ate him from the inside. Yummy. The rhino fell over and I ripped a hole out of its belly as it howled, and the other rhinos saw me and charged. Quickly I hacked into the rhinos brain waves and controlled the nucleus. Then I used it to ram the other rhinos. I charged gritting my teeth as one by one the rhinos turned into nothing but blood and bone. Then Miller came along with a nuclear warhead and said, "Gabe look what I found. It's an alarm clock! It goes off in three, two-" using my rhino, I quickly ate the warhead and Millers hands and defused the bomb. Miller said, "Yaaay!" Miller was probably on crack, but that's okay with me.

Whenever I'm high, he never complains. "Look Gabe, I got bloody stumps stumps instead of hands!" He exclaimed happily. Then I turned around to see a rhino. It was the rhino that ate the warhead- the nuclear warhead. It was a ZOMBIE!!! "Zombies! I love it!" Said Miller as he was stabbed in the back by the rhino. "Eerrruuugghh!" He said, and walked toward me. An army of zombie rhinos and Miller walked toward me and so I ran. Man, I ran so hard that my legs fell off. Literally. I fell and was immediately surrounded, so I made a fire.

I surrounded my self by the fire so they couldn't get me, and also so zi could eat my legs. I ate the first one, but then a zombie squrrel named Ian jumped on me as I am writing this now and made a mark on the paper! I slapped him in the face, but then he bit me and my arm turned against me, so I cut it off and ate it. One armed, I said to the squirrel, "I swear that I will wrap my hands around your throat and choke you until your windpipe is so damaged that you wished you had a extreme case of asthma. Then, I will take out my machete and chop of f all of your limbs into little pieces and jump on them. Then I will chop up the rest of your body and jump on it some more.

When I think of something better to do, I will then put your tiny pieces onto hot coals and take my shotgun and a barrel of gunpowder and shoot at your bits until they bleed out. I will then take my bazooka and shoot the gunpowder and blow you up. Next I will continue to shoot rockets from my bazooka at you and then stuff you in the barrel and shoot you up to Uranus, where you will freeze into ice and get abducted my aliens from Jupiter. Then I shoot down the aliens from Jupiter with my bazooka and it will crash, blow up, and slowly burn with you inside. Then, I will take the ashes and eat them. Then, I will do it again, and you will begin to desintegrate in my intestines. While you are disintegrating, I will stuff a grenade down my throat and start to suffocate, and then we will both blow up and DIE!!!" And so that's what I did. I took his lonely ashes and a grenade and shoved them both up my throat so I choked. And when I was barely breathing, I pulled the pin and jumped through the fire into the zombie hoard.

Gabe- saving the world countless times over and over.

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