COPS RATED R EDITION
Hello, my name is Dovahkiin. I am the Last Dragonborn, I steal souls of dragons. I defeated foes like Alduin the World Eater, Lord Harkon, and The First Dragonborn Miraak. I even met Sheogorath who turned out to be The Hero of Kvatch back when he was not a Daedric Lord. I even met Serana which is Lord Harkon's daughter. I convinced her to marry me at the Temple of Mara in Riften after she finally got cured of Vampirism. I convinced her to
not be afraid of anything. And to face her fears. Because something happened to Serana at a temple that was evil and disgusting. And that whole experience caused her to have PTSD. But she overcame it after I made friends with her, became close, and eventually got married.
So, I have something to tell you. I recently went to another dimension called "Earth" which I traveled with Serana on my dragon named "Odahviing" somehow it took a few hours to get to earth and we landed in the U.S. the state we landed in was a state called "New York" the city we landed in was "New York City" when we got dropped off by Odahviing. Suddenly a police officer ran extremely fast up to us and he had the weirdest looking face ever. He looked like his face was randomly generated in the Oblivion Character Creator in the Imperial Prison that you start in before you meet Uriel Septim.
He then said to me and Serana in a frantic tone "SIR... MA'AM... I JUST FOUND THIS TAPE.... TAKE IT TO THE POLICE STATION.... I DO NOT CONDONE ANY DAMAGE TO WHAT YOU SEE ON THIS TAPE.... SO... PLEASE.... DO NOT WATCH IT!!!!" I then asked him what was on the tape.
He then told me that there was some episode of the T.V. Show "COPS" that him and his family wanted to watch. But when he watched it. Something happened that changed his life for the better. We then parted ways and we said our goodbyes. He then waved his hat and when me and Serana walked away. I swear.... I heard him say about Serana. "OH GOD... LET ME JUST GRAB HER BY THE SHOULDER..." and I then saw Serana get pulled back by an invisible force and onto the Oblivion Faced Police Officer and he said "NOW I WANT MORE...."
I then saw what was about to unfold and I unleashed my sword. Which was a holy sword by the name of "Dawn Breaker" I then charged at him with full force and I knocked him to the ground with "Dawn Breaker" He fell face first on a rock. Crushing his spinal cord and neck, Killing him. Me and Serana ran as fast as we could. We then came across a hotel.
Which was called "Haydee's Complex and Hotel" I then knocked on "Haydee's Complex and Hotel" and a woman with huge tanned thighs, a Mechanical head, and a thick, and curvy body. She then introduced herself as Haydee. Which she is the owner of the Complex and Hotel.
She then asked us why we knocked on her door for. "In a very polite manner of course" and we told her about that "Oblivion Faced Police Officer" and how my wife Serana almost got assaulted by him and after he did that, I killed him for what he did. Haydee then revealed that the "Police Officer" was actually some pervert masquerading as a police officer just to lure in people to his trap. Until You killed him that is. Me and Serana asked Haydee if we can stay for a night since we traveled here from Tamriel on Odahviing. Haydee then said politely that it was fine that we could stay for a night.
Haydee said that our room was the room on the left near Shura's apartment. Which we were curious about who Shura was. Haydee said that Shura is a very respected member of New York City. She actually has an adopted daughter named Candice living with her as well. Haydee said that there is even a man named Akira Fudo and Ozzy Osbourne living in two of the apartments. Haydee then told us to enjoy our stay and she went back to the front desk.
I then remembered that I had the COPS tape that was given to me by that fake impersonator pervert police officer. I saw that the hotel room was furnished. (Which is a good thing) I then popped the tape into the TV. A F.B.I. warning came on screen that said "Warning. Do not pirate this tape or else you would have a hefty fine and you can go to jail" along with a very loud ear-piercing beeping noise. Luckily Haydee didn't hear it because she would wonder what the hell was going on.
After that unsettling F.B.I. warning happened it then cut to the actual program. Which the two officers in the police squad car were John Wick, and Doom Slayer. Doom Slayer then handed John Wick the police radio because they received a call that someone attempted to touch a stripper inappropriately at a strip club GTA 5 style. John Wick said that he and Doom Slayer will be on their way.
the COPS theme song which is "Bad Boys" By "Inner Circle" but the words were replaced with references to John Wick and Doom Slayer taking down previous opponents and convicts. When they got to the "strip club" people were running out of the strip club screaming. One of the people that ran out of the strip club was Marice Barnett A.K.A. the YouTuber Blastphamous HD. he came up to John Wick and Doom Slayer and he said, "HE'S GOING TO PUT PILLS IN ALL OF OUR DRINKS!!!!" I then had a feeling in my gut that didn't feel right. when John Wick and Doom Slayer kicked the door to the strip club open. they and I couldn't even believe who was behind this.
What me, Serana, John Wick, and Doom Slayer saw was extremely messed up. It was none other than Bill Cosby. The comedian and the creator of various shows like Fat Albert and The Cosby Kids, Little Bill, and even the 2004 Live Action Fat Albert movie turned sex offender when rape allegations from women that turned out to be true. (Which me and Serana believed to be true and some people don't believe those accusations because we live in a fucking messed up society)
the "stripper" that Cosby was trying to touch inappropriately was BloodRayne from the BloodRayne series (which is ironic since her voice actress is the same as Serana's) and BloodRayne said to Cosby. "Cosby...... DO YOU REALISE THAT I AM A DHAMPIR?! YOU ARE GOING TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE SOMEDAY.... suddenly, Cosby tried to run but he couldn't because he's like 80 something years old. when Cosby tripped and fell on his shoelace. a meme sound played of someone saying "I'M LEGALLY BLIND!! I'M LEGALLY BLIND!!!"
lastly when John Wick and Doom Slayer came up to Cosby after he tripped on his shoelace and fell down. John Wick arrested Cosby. Cosby said, "ZIPPITY ZIPPITY BOOPITY BOP I WANTED A PUDDING POP" and John Wick said to Cosby "You're arrested for attempted rape, lots of rape."
when John Wick and Doom Slayer put Cosby in the police car, someone came up to John Wick and Doom Slayer. And it was none other than Rachel from Ninja Gaiden and Dead Or Alive. Rachel said "John Wick and Doom Slayer, thank you for taking Cosby away. It helps us to fight against these types of things You know? Plus, I'm half demon so I can take someone down if they try to assault me sexually or physically because I would kill them if they tried to do that."
John Wick said to Rachel in response, "you are welcome, Rachel. Unfortunately Doom Slayer doesn't talk. But we made friends with each other real fast. I also have a good friend named Frank Castle that me, Doom Slayer, and Frank Castle set up an alliance together. (Which Frank Castle's famous nickname is The Punisher)
Rachel then left and went back to hunting demons with Ryu Hayabusa. (Which is Rachel's best friend since they fight together) John Wick and Doom Slayer drove back to the police station with Cosby in the back seat in handcuffs. When they got back to the Police Station there was a huge crowd of people. two of those people was Seth the Incubus, and his wife Bowsette. And they congratulated John Wick and Doom Slayer for capturing Cosby. hell, even The Punisher, Joe Swanson, Rachel, The Entire Dead or Alive Roster, and even Ryu Hayabusa was there.
the episode then ended with Cosby going into a courthouse with John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher putting Cosby in one of the courtroom seats and John Wick telling The Punisher to keep a close eye on Cosby. Me and Serana were at a loss for words at what we saw on the tape. We then saw an alert on our phones, Haydee came in and she said that her chest was buzzing.
And when she pressed the button on her chest to answer the call. She received an alert on her phone that Bill Cosby is in a New York City Courthouse. We then decided to go to the courthouse so we can watch Cosby get sentenced for his crimes. When we walked inside the courthouse, we saw the courtroom filled with characters from different franchises and a couple of interesting characters like Mileena from Mortal Kombat, Akira Fudo, (A.K.A. DevilMan) Ozzy Osbourne, a Blobfish with a top hat and a monocle named Sir. Blobby Blobfish, Honoka, Ayane, and Kasumi from Dead Or Alive, Oboro, Seth The Incubus and his wife Bowsette, BloodRayne, and the YouTuber Blastphamous HD.
we even saw the president of the United States Joe Biden in the courtroom as well. The judge in the courtroom was none other than "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart" the famous classical composer of German descent, once everyone sat down in the courtroom. Mozart said in a German accent. "TODAYE WEE ARE GOOING TOO WATCH AND LEARN HOW WE DOO THINGS AROUND NEWW YOURK CITAEY FOR SEAX OFFENDERS AND ESPECIALLY FOR OUR DEFENDANT BILL COSBY WHOO IS ONE OF THEM" Cosby stayed silent for the whole intense and brutal speech that Mozart was saying to the courtroom. I then noticed that Cosby looked back and gave BloodRayne a very suggestive smirk and a wink.
When I noticed that. I said "Mozart your honor, Cosby just looked back and smirked very suggestively at BloodRayne" Mozart then looked at Cosby and Cosby was still looking at BloodRayne with the same damn suggestive smirk that he was doing a second ago. And I saw that Mozart's face got redder and redder as each second past. But he calmed down eventually. And everyone was staring at Cosby with angry expressions on their faces including Joe Biden which he was really pissed.
Even Mileena was staring at Cosby as well. But Mileena decided it would be a good idea to take her mask off in a public area revealing her sharp teeth. when Joe Biden saw Mileena taking off her mask. Joe Biden said "NO NO. MILEENA.. STAND BACK... PUT.. PUT ON YOUR MASK... PUT ON YOUR MASK!!" Joe Biden then decided to ask Mozart if he could take a mask break.
Mozart said yes. And Joe Biden ran out of the Courthouse in terror of Mileena's sharp teeth. Everyone was wondering what was going on. But they eventually focused back on Mozart. And Mozart said "Alright.... The charges of Cosby include. Public Disturbance, Sexual Battery, Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape, and Resisting Arrest.
Mozart then asked BloodRayne to come up to the stand and speak about what happened. BloodRayne then revealed that she was working late at the local Strip Club that opens in town once in a while. And once Cosby came in and attempted to well... touch her inappropriately at her job as a stripper in the strip club.
Rayne then explained to everyone including Judge Mozart that Cosby is a disgusting, exploitative, and downright messed up human being. Mozart then said to Rayne in his German accent in response, "RAINE I'M GLAD YOU SPOKE UP AGAINST CAWSBY. LET THE COURTROOM DECIDE!!!" 4 people were picked to stand up to put trial against Cosby and have him sentenced. The 4 people were, John Wick, Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and Akira Fudo. The votes were counted in place of, John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher wanted Cosby to serve "Life in Prison without the possibility of parole"
And Akira Fudo on the other hand wanted Cosby to be sent to death by the electric chair. Which everyone thought was too harsh including Judge Mozart. Which Mozart said to Akira Fudo in response about what he said about his sentencing in his German accent of course "AKIIRA FUUDO... YOU KNOW THAT'S TUU HARSH RIGHT? NOW... I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO SIT BACK DOWN WITH THE REST OF THE COURTROOM. THAT WAS NOT NECESSARY.... Akira Fudo then got pissed off at what Mozart said in response. Akira then stormed out of the courthouse in anger.
First Joe Biden, then Akira Fudo stormed out of the building?! What the ever-living hell is happening right now?! I had no words. But something good happened in the courtroom finally. Mozart announced that Cosby was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Everyone cheered, and John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher took him away to the maximum-security prison cell.
Everyone then left the courtroom and back to their respective games and franchises. The only one that was there for a little bit longer was Sir. Blobby Blobfish. Who as it turns out Is actually an Australian businessman working for Judge Mozart. and before he was a businessman, he had connections with the F.B.I. because he is a very intelligent Blobfish. 1% of his species are intelligent. The coolest part about him is that he is actually a very friendly Blobfish. He then saw me and Serana and gave us some pamphlets which were sealed tightly. Sir. Blobby Blobfish then said in an Australian accent.
"DOVAHKIIN AND SERANNAA. I WAANTED TO GIVE YOU SOME OF THESE PAMPHLETTES. BEECAUSE THERE'S A SPECIAL SURPRISE WAITING FOR YOU AT HAYDEEE'S COMPLEX AND HOTEL.. HAYDEE SAID FOR ME TO GIVE THIS TO YOU...." I then said to Sir. Blobby Blobfish "thank you for giving these to me and Serana. I appreciate it!" and he said in response. "YOU'RE WELCOME, MATE. HAPPY TO HELP!" We then said our goodbyes for now. And we went back to "Haydee's Complex and Hotel"
and a certain someone was waiting for us. It was none other than the British rock singer Ozzy Osbourne the lead vocalist of Black Sabbath and his own band. Ozzy said. "Dovahkiin and Serana. You are invited to a live concert that I am going to perform in New York City. Hope you can make it. We then decided to open our pamphlets and what we saw in the pamphlets was well.... incredible beyond belief.
It was a signed autograph of Ozzy Osbourne made just for me and Serana! We then saw a note at the bottom of the pamphlet. The note said,
"Dear Dovahkiin and Serana, thank you for attending the courtroom sentencing of Bill Cosby. This was a day in history that can't be erased no matter how anyone sees it or believes it. It's the honest truth, a truth to be told across the nation and worldwide. We mean it. We wish your Ozzy Osbourne concert the best and well wished. Signed, Haydee, Shura, John Wick, Doom Slayer, The Punisher, Sir. Blobby Blobfish. And someone named Johnny Cage?
Two months later Me and Serana went to the Ozzy Osbourne concert and we had a blast. We even saw Shura, Candice The Ghost, Corey Taylor, and even Haydee there as well. there was even food and drinks there as well as a place where you can watch anime and read manga. The person who is running the anime and manga store was Seth The Incubus and his wife Bowsette. We asked if we can rent the anime series and movies of Bleach except the live-action one. Seth and Bowsette said yes.
the prices were actually not that bad. Renting an anime movie cost 4 dollars and 25 cents. And buying a movie costs 5 dollars and 25 cents. Which is a good deal not going to lie. after the Ozzy Osbourne concert was over, and we rented the Bleach movies. We said our goodbyes to everyone in New York City and we went back to Lakeview Manor near Riverwood and where Helgen used to be.
You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love."
Nicholas Sparks
Credited to Seth Bayona
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