Call of Duty: Satanic 666 Hell Blood Death Not Good Scary OPS
As your average 13 year old and 90s kid living in the 2030s, I was a Call of Duty FANATIC. I had all the merchandise, including action figures, posters, t-shirts, hats, banners, and of course the promotional Call of Duty: Chunky Warfare II thong. However, now I NEVER want anything to do with CoD following a incident that occurred. One morning, I got a nostalga-boner for some classic CoD on the old Xbox One. So I begged my mom to take me to the local sketchy GameStop on 666 HellDemon St.. She reluctantly agreed, but scolded me and hissed,"You ungrateful sack of shit". I took to the seat behind the driver's seat in my mom's minivan and buckled up as my mother did. Her scowl met my gaze as I looked to her from the mirror. After about 44.5566711234 minutes, I was dropped off at the most rundown and shit tier GameStop. "I will pick you up after yoga", hollered my mother as she drove away. I kicked open the door, reenacting the scene when Alex Mason kicked open the door to use the bathroom in Call of Duty: Black Ops LXXXII. The cashier watched as I marched towards him. "DO YOU HAVE COD BLACK OPS FOR THE CLASSIC XBOX ONE!?" my prepubescent voice squeaked. The cashier sighed and squatted down to a cabinet below the counter. Shuffling through what sounded like a pile of disks, he rose with nothing. "Sorry kid, I got nothing. Why not ask that satanist over there?" he explained as he directed my attention to a man dressed in black robes. I hobbled towards the man. "You want CoD?" the black cloaked man asked. I nodded. "Here, take this", he whispered as he handed over a disk. On the disk, the title "Call of Duty: Satanic 666 Hell Blood Death Not Good Scary OPS" was inscribed and piss-yellow marker. "How much?" I inquired. "It's on the house", exclaimed the man. I exited the store and walked home. I popped that sucker into that XBOX ONE, OH YEAH... The title screen presented itself, there were no Xbox login menus. "Ah straight to the point! I see!" I squealed as I recorded for my youtube playthrough channel, NOAHtheCODKIDPLAYS. The game's menu displayed the following options: "Campaign", "Champagne", "Multiplayer", "Advanced Zombie Warfare", "DEATH", and "Quit the Game". I chose the "Campaign" option. A cinematic scene played, showing ME lifting Corporal Quantity of Payment out of rubble. I felt my pants get damp. I WAS IN A CLASSIC COD GAME. But then the screen flashed a HYPER REALISTIC image of my deceased great grand brother for about 0.0000000000000666 Planck times. I sharted out of fear. I fled from my chair to use the carpeted bathroom in my attic. When I opened the door, I was met by the frightful sight of the guy I saw at the store. He was pointing a Desert Eagle at me and BANG! I dieded...
Written by Blahblahstory
Content is available under CC BY-SA
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
