Chicken Tender Man
Once upon a time, there was an evil McDonald’s where they make evil food. But it was not the only evil food corporation. Their business rival, Evil KFC, was aiming to enter the fast food market. They stole the Evil McDonald’s secret patty formula and found out the secret ingredient was the souls of children stuffed inside indie horror mascots. The local children of TrollPastaTopia all loved creepypasta characters, so instead of Colonel Sanders, Evil KFC went to create a mascot of their own.
Using the powers of the Necronomicon, the Brown Note and capitalism, the CEO of evil KFC, Kentucky Kyle, summoned the ghosts of dead children to create their very own mascot, based on the most relevant creepypasta character they could think of. And his name was Chicken Tender Man.
Chicken Tender Man had the power of teleportation and making people really hungry for deep fried chicken. Instead of TV static, people near him would hear the sound of oil being fried in the deep fryer. The smell of freshly fried chicken would also emit from him, and instead of eight pages with shitty drawings on them, he would make people collect free coupons for Evil KFC. However, Chicken Tender Man had no eyes, and thus could not read the company he worked for was actually evil. He seemed happy with his job for a time, until a certain day.
One day, a customer went to Evil McDonald’s and did not like the burgers. He said: “This is the last time I go to McDonkey’s! They put fucking ghosts in the burger, I will now go see Kentucky Fried Man!” He then went to Evil KFC and ordered a bucket of chicken. Kentucky Kyle, mad with power and having overheard the man loudly complaining in a weird Swedish accent, suddenly revealed his evil plan to the man. “Joke's on you, dumbass! The chicken has ghosts too!” “Why the fuck is all the food full of ghost?” Said the customer, and Chicken Tender Man got really upset. His whole life had been a lie? He had been working for an evil corporation this entire time?
He grabbed Kyle by the throat and dunked him head-first into a tub of burning hot oil, then used his powers of creepypastas to torture him for exactly 360 seconds: using Jeff The Killer-branded bleach to burn his skin and then making him bleed hyper realistic blood. He then dunked Kyle in more hot oil until he looked like Luigi from the end of “l HATE YOU!”.
The customer was grateful and told him his name was Ghost Johnson. (Not to be confused with or related to Banana Johnson) Ghost Johnson turned out to actually be a secret millionaire who had made a fortune selling haunted games and VHS at yard sales, as well as resurrecting dead family members through epic drum solos. He gave Chicken Tender Man a business card he could use to contact him in case he ever needed to fund something and then ran off.
Chicken Tender Man spent a few months alone, eventually learning how to see without eyes. He developed a passion for gaming and became a devout follower of Donkey Kong Jesus. He also learned of the North Korean Freedom Gamers Initiative, started by two really shitty lab experiments and also Peter Griffin. He was let in due to his amazing ability to generate infinite amounts of fried chicken, which is definitely not a power he made up for convenient plot reasons.
Written by J3ffDaKilla69
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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