Christmas is ruined

Santa was originally a demon. He had lost a bet with an angle, and he had to deliver toys and presents to children for 1,000 years.

Well that bet eventually ended.

Santa was humiliated, and decided to get revenge. So, instead of delivering presents and crap the next year, he was going to kill all of the kids and satisfie his blood lust.

One year later...

All of the kids were sitting on the couch by the Christmas tree, waiting for Santa. A familiar sound came down the chimney and there he was; big, tall, mean and blood thirsty.

"Santa!" chimed the little girl, as she ran and hugged him around the waste. "I want a pony for Chri-"

WAAAHHMMM!

Santa swung a huge axe at the little girl and chopped her in half. All of the other kids screamed. "I WILL GET MY VENGENCE!!!"

Later, when Santa finished off the kids, he went to the next house.

Kids were waiting around the chimney as well.

BANG! WAHM! CRASH! SLASH! SHLING!

Soon, there was a pile of dead kids lying in a circle, their guts ripped out and spilled all over the floor.

What would the parents think when they came down?

Santa went to the next house.

"SANTA! I-"

SHING!

Santa went to the next house, killing the kids one by one, and so on.

This Christmas had been a disaster. The police had found all of the gutted and mutilated kid bodied.

COP #1. Who the !@&$ did this. I wanna know.

COP #2. Well sir, it obviously can't be Santa Claus. Maybe we should ask him what happened, maybe he knows.

COP #1. Good idea, although, I don't think Santa would just watched someone dissimber some kids and then go back to the north pole. That's not the Santa I know.

COP #2. Well, I think we should ask as many people as we can what happened. If we don't catch the murderer, then he might strike again next Christmas.

FOX NEWS:

SUBJECT: The Christmas Killer.

REPORT: This year, Christmas was ruined when a man snuck into all of the houses and viciously dissimbowled all of the kids, just innocently waiting for Santa to deliver their presents.

NEWSPAPER:

SUBJECT: Christmas is destroyed when a man kills thousands of kids all in one night.

CONTENT OF THE SUBJECT: This year, millions and millions of kids were killed and slaughtered when a man had broken into every house, killing all of the kids. It is expected that Santa was killed too.

INVESTIGATOR #1. He killed millions of kids? Nobody can do that all in one night! Maybe santa did.

INVESTIGATOR #2. You're probably right. I smell a trial somewhere, Bob.

THE CONCLUSION: Santa had killed the kids. All of the pieces fitted together perfectly. There was even a note pinned to someone's slit throat and read:

I, Santa killed everyone.

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson.

SEE YOU NEXT CHRISTMAS FOR MORE FUN!

When Bob, one of the investigators read the ending, he realized that he was going to strike again.

That was when Christmas was banned.

For like, ever. Ever.

Comments • 0

Loading comments...