Cleveland Bites the Dust
This is a fictional story written for entertainment purposes. Don't take it seriously.
Do any of you actually remember DVDs? No, me neither. I have shit ton of them but i barely even watch them anymore, considering that we're now in the age of streaming services like Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+
The reason i keep my DVDs is because i have some fond memories with them. I remember getting Garfield The Movie for Christmas back in 2015. Oh man, how times have changed. Now you can't even go anywhere without wearing a mask! I can't be the only one who wants this COVID 19 shit to be over and done with. Some people say that it's like the modern day flu, while others say that the madness may end by the end of the decade.
Before i went into lockdown, i was on Holiday in Hawaii. Which is the 49th state of the United States. I went on this massive cruise line which was called the Pride Of America. It was one of the best vacations i've ever been on! After the cruise, I had lots of unhealthy American snacks and even went to the American McDonald's. Unfortunately, the trip couldn't last forever. As i was sent back to my home country, Australia, during the second to last week of January.
But something strange happened during my vacation.
I was walking around the cruise ship in the middle of the night. No one was awake at that time, so that gave me the freedom to do whatever the hell i want. I was running through the Teens club, the Kids club, and even the movie cinema that we never went to. I felt creeped out at first, but i just went with the flow and walked very slowly.
I eventually got bored, and decided to go for a late night skinny dip. Yeah, that might sound inappropriate considering that i was on a public cruise. But my parents wouldn't let me do it with my siblings around, so i thought "why not?" Let me just tell you, that it was the greatest feeling ever. Not only was there no one around to see me, but the water was extremely warm as well.
Suddenly, i heard footsteps. I got of the pool as quickly as possible and started running like the wind. If that person saw me while naked, me and the rest of my family would've gotten kicked off the cruise and i would've been grounded for a long period of time. I went back up to the room me and my family were in, but something caught my eye near the first door.
It was a box with the words:
"Unreleased footage, please don't watch - SM"
I quickly figured out that SM stood for Seth Macfarlane. And that either me or someone else was in possession of discarded and presumably illegal copies of Seth's work. Morbid curiosity got the better of me, and i picked up the box.
I was trying not to fall over, because if the staff heard me during this late in the night i would be dead meat for sure! I could hear some people walking in the distance and i got real scared. So i started to run like i did previously, but this time much slower. I could hear some voices saying:
"Hello?"
"Is anyone there?"
"If they are, they better be asleep"
When i got near my room, there were countless DVDs. There was Family guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show.
For those of you who don't know, The Cleveland Show is yet another spinoff of family guy. MacFarlane centered the show on Family Guy character Cleveland Brown, his new wife Donna Tubbs, his step-children Rallo and Roberta Tubbs, and his son Cleveland, Jr., who, in the show, is depicted as an obese, soft-spoken teen, as opposed to his depiction as a younger, hyperactive child with average body weight.
The series premiered on September 27, 2009, and ended on May 19, 2013, with a total of 88 episodes over the course of 4 seasons. The Cleveland Show was nominated for one Annie Award, one Primetime Emmy Award, and two Teen Choice Awards, but received mixed reviews from media critics. The series was canceled after its fourth season. Cleveland has since returned to Family Guy, accompanied by the rest of the Brown-Tubbs family, as of the twelfth season episode "He's Bla-ack!" during which his show was mercilessly mocked by his friends.
I was never a big fan of the show Myself. I was more of simpsons guy and i still am today, i just moved onto better cartoons like Beavis and Butthead. I was curious to see the unreleased episode, so i took out my portable DVD player and got out my wireless headphones. I connected the headphones to the player, and i began to watch. I was in the middle of the hallway as i was watching, because i couldn't be bothered walking 5 miles to my room. Anyway, i was excited about this episode. Maybe it'll be hilarious and highly offensive, i might have a good laugh at a cartoon i don't usually watch.
At least, that's what i thought.
The episode started with the normal intro, but the screen was a much darker tint and the music was a little slower than usual. Cleveland also looked a bit...sad. He wasn't in his usual upbeat mood. The town also looked abandoned and i could see about 2 or 3 buildings crumbling down in the distance. The family also looked depressed, especially Roberta. The landscape wasn't really a picnic at all, they were just sitting near the side of the street. When it got to the "There's old friends and new friends" part. You know, the scene in the intro where it's all colourful. Cleveland just said:
"There's old friends and old friends and even older friends"
I could've sworn that this was a pirated DVD and that this was building up to an Anti Piracy Screen. But i was curious to see what was gonna happen next, so i kept watching.
Suddenly, it cut to a black screen for 5 seconds before cutting straight to the episode.
Cleveland and Rallo were throwing cushions at one another. They looked ridiculously happy, which was strange because in the intro they looked really depressed. Maybe i was just having hallucinations.
Eventually, Roberta started to join in and started to throw chairs into the Mix. At first, this seemed like a really dumb episode. Until the title popped up near the bottom of the screen.
"Cleveland Bites the Dust"
I knew what that meant. So my mood went from really excited and happy to downright tense and nervous. I thought i was dreaming, so i pinched myself multiple times. But absolutely nothing worked!
The pillow/chair fight seemed to go on for about 5 minutes before cutting to the next scene. Rallo and Cleveland Jr were planning a prank on Cleveland. A chair parked near the side of the roof.
"He's going to flip his shit!" Rallo said happily
"I know! he's gonna be so pissed!" Cleveland Jr exclaimed
"Just wait until he finds out that his car is on the roof!" Cleveland Jr shouted
"It's gonna be so funny" Rallo exclaimed
It cut to Cleveland sweet talking another woman on the phone. He had a gargantuan smile on his face while talking. He then got a reminder on his phone that he needs to go outside and play.
Cleveland took about 5 steps outside to see that his car isn't parked in the driveway.
"WHAT THE?! WHERE THE HELL IS MY CAR?!" He screamed. Rallo and Cleveland Jr could be heard laughing their asses off.
Suddenly the car starts driving off the roof and Rallo desperately tries to stop it. The car falls onto Clevelands body, crushing and killing him instantly.
"OH MY GOD!" Rallo cried
The screen focused on Cleveland's lifeless, mangled corpse for about 2 minutes. It then cut back to Cleveland Jr and Rallo, who is telling Donna the shocking and heartbreaking news. Donna then rushes outside and the screen focuses on the corpse again, but this time only for about 7 seconds.
Donna started to cry along with the rest of the family. The scene then started to shake like a damaged VHS tape, and an image flashed over the screen.
I rewinded a couple seconds to see the image. It was a man laying on the road, presumably waiting to be killed. He had a very sad look on his face too, similar to the one Cleveland had at the beginning of the episode.
I have had enough, there was absolutely NO WAY i was gonna sit through this miserable gorefest. I tried to eject the disc, but it wouldn't come out at all. I even tried to forcefully open the player, but it still refused to come out. So that meant i was forced to watch the whole damn thing from start to finish.
The screen cut to Cleveland's funeral. The strange thing is, that many of the characters from the original family guy were there as well. How odd! they never appeared in the show. In not one episode could you see Peter griffin or Brian. The song "Hallelujah" By Rufus Wainwright started to play in the background and a crowd of crying people could be heard very loudly.
The characters didn't really say anything during this part. They just mournfully walked over to the grave and started to sob uncontrollably. It was like, being at an actual funeral! that's how bad it was! this went on for about another 12 minutes before cutting to the next scene.
I then realised that the show had been going on for twice as long. The episodes usually run for about 20 minutes but this one was running for about 35 minutes.
The next scene consisted of Donna crying on the couch, still sorrowful for Cleveland's death. The crying seemed to get louder and louder, then it got slower and more low pitched as well. Some sad stock music then started to play faintly in the background. The music was so sad that i actually shed a few tears myself. It was like a violin being played very slowly, then a piano joining in as well. The crying then started to get really aggressive with some screams thrown in as well.
During this segment, i could hear 3 people whispering:
"She's so depressed"
"I know"
"What will make her happy again?"
"I don't know, why are you asking me?"
"Because you always cheer everyone up!"
"Ok...what do i do?"
"Just surprise her or something"
"OK"
The screen suddenly cut to black as deafening, blood curdling, ear piercing screams could be heard in the background. I had to turn the volume down to 20% so nobody would hear.
It then cut to the family visiting Clevelands gravesite. Rollo then revealed the truth:
"Mama?"
"Yes?"
"I want to tell you something"
"What is it that you wanna tell me?"
"Me and Cleveland JR killed Cleveland"
"you did WHAT?"
"Yeah it's true, we drove the car off the roof to prank him"
"BOTH OF YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!"
Donna then started to sob again, this time softly.
"Mama?!" Cleveland Jr cried.
"Just get out of my sight, okay?!"
The two ran away, as Donna kept staring at the grave.
It then cut to Cleveland Jr and Rallo sitting on the couch feeling very sorry for what they have done. They also started to cry a little bit. Again, this segment went on for a really long period of time. It was about 9 or 10 minutes long.
You probably would've expected the episode to end by now. But no, it just kept going. Overtime, their bodies start to decay and their flesh starts to rot. It then cut to 10 years later, where the two are still crying over Cleveland's death. An image then flashed on the screen again.
It was Donna's funeral. Donna's casket was open, and her dead body stared lifelessly at the camera. Her skin also looked quite pale and her hair feared no better.
It then cut back to the two crying. Suddenly, Rallo passes out on the floor. Cleveland Jr then stares at Rallo's body for about 7 minutes. The sound of a police Siren could be heard in the background along with the song "The Bitterness and the Bereavement" by My Dying Bride. I really appreciated that the creator used a song by one of my favourite bands. Still, i couldn't help but to feel creeped out.
Eventually, Cleveland Jr passes out. And the screen pans to to a ceiling, revealing a note near the light. I couldn't recall what the note said, but judging by the content of this episode, it wouldn't be very pretty at all.
The screen then faded to black.
I sat on the carpet, it took a few hours to comprehend what i had just watched. It wasn't a cleveland show episode at all! It was just a depressing parody featuring the shows characters.
I thought about telling Fox about this, but they'd probably just give me an answering machine.
I once got told off by Seth Mcfarlane on Twitter about the episode. He told me that i watched some really secret episode that was never meant to be seen and that if i did it again, he'd probably call the police on me.
Unfortunately i can't provide you with a video or a screenshot of this episode, i can only provide you with information about this episode. If you go looking for it, good luck trying to find it.
Credited to DankLordX
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