Conker's Bad Toilet Day
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NSFW WARNING
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I was watching Conker's Bad Fur Day videos everyday. I always wanted the game, but I didn't have the time to get it, because it was made before I was born. (I was born in 2014) Well, when I was finally 4 months old, I thought I am old enough to get the game.
So, I just looked at eBay, for some Conker's Bad Fur Day games. My attention caught the one that was for free. In description was written 'Conkere bad fru dey ost seqele 4 fre byu nw u gt fre ipud' (translation: Conker's Bad Fur Day lost sequel for free buy now, you get free iPad) Hmmm... ok... I already had seen the first game on YouTube, and all the game is stuck in my mind. So, what about getting the 'lost' sequel? I thought. So, I bought it. I heard a loud ring from the garden. I came out, and I saw the postman. He had a box in his hands, and gave me it. When I got back to my computer, I opened the box. It was the game! I putted it in my N64.
The game has started. I could explode from joy, when I saw the Nintendo logo getting cut half and then replaced by Conker, this time with crown on head. The opening cutscene started, as Conker walked into bar, like in previous game. I then created a game, and the cutscene has began. It was, like in CBFD, the throne room with Conker. After this cutscene ended, it showed Conker going to the toilet. When he sat to it, he got flushed down. His crown fell on the ground. Later, I could see Conker getting through all the pipes. There was shit everywhere. Then, Conker got into a big underground 'city thing' made out of poo. The residents were looking like The Great Mighty Poo, but small like Conker's head. Finally, I got to one of the residents. I talked with him. He said "So you're the @^! squirrel, that defeated our king? You shall die!" Before Conker could say anything, I had to run away from angry poo army. I saw some weird pipe, and I tried to climb up, hoping they would stop following me and I will escape. My wishes were done, and I escaped the hungry army of poo. Then, there was a cutscene of Conker, saying "Oh god, My head hurts so much..." He then fainted.
Later, I could see Conker in a dark room, with no furniture, just a dark room, and mysterious door. He waited here, like 10 minutes, and then, the door opened. In this second, I was scared, and made out a girl scream. The one, who was behind the door, was zombified Berri. It wasn't hyper-realistic, but It scared me much because she just jumped out of the door. Conker was like "Berri?? and Berri was like "Ill liek eet u conkur liek dei nw" She then ate Conker. It was so scary, because his blood was spitting everywhere, guts, totally everything. She then said "U nevr drnk liek ber anmre." Oh god, it was so scary... It then showed a cutscene of Rodent going to toilet and died. Everyone who was going to toilet, died, because the toilet was cursed. Then, the game got pitch black, probably a glitch. When I tried to restart the game, It wouldn't start the game anymore.
I was so scared at this time, so I peed in my pants. I had to get another pants because the smell of my pee was disguising too much that when I would describe it to you, you will probably puke on your computer, and you probably don't want that. When I returned, I peed my pants again. this thing repeated like 10 times, and then, because I was too tired, I just grabbed knife and cut off my urinary bladder.
Then, from the N64 popped out zombified Berri's head and she sayd "u pleyd dis gaem u liek dei liek nw lol" I was like wtf? And she was like lol and I was like wtf even more. She then, from my urinary bladder laying on ground, grew up Berri and before she could kill me, a skeleton popped out of her butt and I died
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Note: This all happened in real life.
Chapter 2
Years later, I got revived by a god, and when I asked why he said some stupid stuff like that I am the chosen one, I didn't understand why, so I got home. My mom was waiting for me. When I saw her she shouted at me "Where the hell have you been?! You little brat I had to clean all that mess you left on ground!!!" She continued shouting at me, then I saw how much has she changed. In the middle of her face was a long, crooked nose, with wards on the tip. Her eyes were all pink and her irises yellow, her mouth broke into a frown with all teeth yellow and ugly, her eyebrows connected. I sighted and did her work, meanwhile when she was sitting on the table drinking alcohol. This didn't change, unlike her goddamn ugly face. When I was done, she showed me a Xbox one she bought for me. I grabbed it from her claws and immediately started playing. I looked and saw something called Rare Replay. I begged my mom "Mom pls buy it", so she did. When I saw that there was Conker's Bad Fur Day I was so happy that I jumped so high that I broke the roof. I didn't care and started playing. After 10 hours of non stop playing the awesome game I was done. Then Conker jumped from my TV and says "hey you little bastard wanna be friends" I said ok so I had my first friend in my life. My mom came into my room and shouted at me "I WONT TOLERATE ANY BAD WORDS IN MY HOUSE!!!! By the way, who is this ugly fuck?" She pointed at Conker. He killed her the most brutal way he could. Then we heard the police so we ran away. When I was in some city I met a stupid woman with pink dress. Her whole face was covered in make up. She was like 21 years old. She had fake fairy wings, princess crown and a stick with star at the tip. But what was more unusual was that next to her was a blue hedgehog and a yellow fox with two tails. I heard that yellow fox whispering to the hedgehogs ear "Hey Sonic that's the ugly bastard that copied me" Sonic said "Don't worry Tails I will kill him" Conker heard that too so he pissed in their faces and killed them by stuffing the woman's shit in their mouth. She cried so I kicked it's face off.
The other day, me and Conker met another little kid. He was goddamn ugly, but not as much as my mom. He was so fat that he had to walk naked. I sneaked behind him and put the stick I kept from the woman in his butt, and he started screaming, but then he started moaning and saying "Ohhhh Foxy..." Then an ugly robotic furry fox popped up from thrash and says "What?" Thankfully we hid in a nearby thrash can. Then that kid said "Foxy I want you!" It wasn't long till we heard sounds of moaning... Then I heard a weird, high pitched voice, it said " Hey guys wait for me!" Then we heard more moaning and stuff, so I looked from the thrash can because I wanted to see that, and saw there was a green bear with army suit, oh god how I hate that guy... I wanted to kill him both with that ugly asshole fox. So I shouted "Wow you guys suck!!" The green bear replied, "Uh, no... I am the only one sucking... Wait, what?" He noticed me, got his knife and tried to stab me, but Conker was faster and killed him with his chainsaw. That guy shouted "NOOOOO!!!" And I replied "Don't worry, he can revive himself, unlike you... " "Conker kill him pls" I whispered. Conker jumped from the thrash can and killed the guy , but the fox stabbed him with his razor sharp robotic genitalia, killing Conker in process. The last words of Conker were "Whatever, you will give me the money next time you meet me." I shouted "NOOOOOO!!!" From pure anger, I don't know if I was because of Conker's death or that he wanted money, but turned into a giant black dragon and ate that ugly Foxy guy. Then I killed all those stupid overrated videogame characters all over the word. Now, I did understand what did the god mean.
Written by TheLaserVulture
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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