Crazy Cattle 3D: The Secret Map

I am a colossal Crazy Cattle 3D maniac. I play it every day and every night like it is a 9 to 5. This game is basically my life… OR… it WAS… prior to… The Incident. But first, a little about yours truly.

The Backstory

My name is Ryan… or at least, that is what will know me as. I, am a high school student. My grades are quite excellent. Nothing to scoff. Sorry for the not so humble brag… I, was watchings TikToks in the back of the class. (I, do not even to listen to the lesson, I, know I, shall past. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) Wilist watching silly trifling videos of Women singing and dancing to popular musics (which as an aside I, do not believe deserve their popularety.) I, had decided to entertain myself by witnessing some video game clippings. I, types into the search bar “Entertaining Video Game”.

Despite what I, had searched for, many of the video games I, was presented were not in fact entertaining. They quite dull, in my own personal opinion… except, one…

That game… was Crazy Cattle 3D. It was the most beautiful game I had ever seens in my long lived life. The grauphics were impecable. The fluffy sheeps’s capacity for destruction was impressive, their acceleration was excellent.

It was truly the greatest, ever made.

I knew that I not deed only play to knead this, but that I had to become the craziest cattle to ever exist within the third dimension.

I immedaily perambulated my legs at a quick pace to the computor lab. I booted a the computer and searched for Crazy Cattle 3D on Bing, the greatest search engine. I clicked the first result, the only result the matters, which was awesomeassfuckingvideogames.com. A subsidiary of Video game david dot com.

I deftly dodged my curser past the multitude of advertisements for penis enlargenment pills (I have n need for those) to click play. As I clicked the clicker I entered a whole new world of Crazy Cattle.

Despite this being the intiall time I had played this game, I immediately inhabited the entire being of the sheep under my control. I impressively accelerated towards the opposing sheeps, knocking them over, causing them to rusticulate in a fiery blaze. It was the first times I had ever felt … . I had purpose in a life.

Despite this being my first time playing, I, to the surprise of mayhaps a weaker, more insolanter being, I had become the Super Sheep; the last sheep sheep standing atop the green grass of the three dimensional landscape. It wasn’t long efore i had climbed m,y way to the top of all of the levels, easily annihiliating the plethora of sheepses that standeded on mine own FUCKING way. I had taken the time to lean back, admiring my dutiful work and smiling to myself in glee and perhaps astonudment.

A large sound happended outside and mine attention wast temporarily drawneth towardst it… And wat I seeneth in my wakened state…… A beautiful gorerl…….. She had such Huge Bonkers….. dobonhankeros…..…. Some real Gonkeragoogers….. I was so jealous. But in a coog way. The type of way that everyone witeneseses and says; “holy shit what a chol guy.” A way that everybody understands means something more. Something normale. It was at the momnt, that the tearched almost seemed to have teleportialized befoir mine self. They FUckING kicked realle raelly hard and said “NO CATTLE IN THE HALLS, YOU LITTLE SHIT” it reminded me of home. ( • ᴖ • ｡)

I had later learnethed from my friend Farthamlue (he’s not actually my friebs, he is just a guy I keep arond to yell at to feel bigger, it works like 90% of the time, I recomend it. $$$ cash money $$$) that my bekoved Crazy Cattle 3D was baned from the school because of The Incident (not the incident that I am going to tell you about in the future from now, a different one, dummy) where a child was so fucking psyched about being the cRaziest cattle that they blew a kid irl.

There was bl00d everywhere. No survivors in the blast zone. It was probably was. probably pretty rad. Wish I could have been there. Anyway so I now, sadly, unfortunately, had to wait to get to my STUPID home with my STUPID chud Parters, who won’t let me play Call of Duty because guns are to scarey to play Crazy Sheep 2D fun times I forgot the name I’ll add it later. (Remember to cremove this Sophie. Please!)

So i (RyaN) got to maiy house and i plated crazy catel!! But when to my favorite webzone awesomefuckinggames.com it was shat down by the government. Can’t have shit in toledoh st louis So I did what no man of my status should ever have to do; check the second result. That being, evilfuckedupgames666.satan. A reputable website. Norton antivirus said it was legit. I deftly dodged my cursor around the HOT SUCCUBI IN YOUR AREA ads. (Tho I was tempted.) Hot succubi…. Mmm……………. Ohgggsuccutidiess (homer drool sound)

Uh what was I doin

THE ACTUAL FUCKING PASTA HOLY SHIT

ANYWAY so I Crazied My Cattle like never before. I accekerationha ha funny in joke you don’t get re*der.

I crushed all those sheps with my special sheep tech I discovered. The Sheepdash. When you sheep so hard reality bends to your fucking whims. But mayhaps I sheepeded too close to the sun on that fateful day. Like a sheep icarus. sheeparus. Perchase. I was s sheoephobic…A shep kill my border when i was 2… “FUCK!!!” said 2 year old me, i was upset back then

There was only One (1) (as in singular) (like there was just me and them) player left… and then the sky went red………….. A horrible strange shade of scarlet………. And then I turned around ingame………. And……………wait for it…………….anytim enow…….!!

It was there………………….; And I was scare. Within the game blod was everywhere…….. (it rhymes get it?)

…The monster. El Diablo. An Evil Sheep WIth Dark GFrey fur and Black Hole Eyes and Super Hyper Ultra Realistic blood from its eyes……. It started chanting “!!!TUO TEG” over and over And i Haved no Idea what that Meaned.

After a while I started hearing a name repeating in my head………..

John………Johnma…………John……………Chooks……. Celica…… “That is not my name you insulant warm!” I snapped at the vile daemon in quite the cool manner.

And then the Comptuer Exploded And my Housr Bired Down…………….my Mother she was Exploded and Hyper Real Bloodistic…My Ftaher’s reanimated corp se, it rised from the Grave and it was Bloodied and Goreyd and he tollooked at me and he helped my hand and said “Ryan…….. It isTime For You To Meet Him…….”

It was at that momnet that I remembered something very important, my family were family rewe family of sheep warshippers. By vanquishes so many sheepes; I had committed the umpost of heresy’s. This was my, Sheep Sin. My Sinheep.

….I poopeed…

….Sad….

So i Pppicekd the poop threw it at my dadyer!!! In true, monkey male fashion. Just as the podcast I listen to daily instructed me to do. but he woudlnt move, as it turnded out; fecis is uneffective against the dead, i scare, my dad look down at me with hypreeeilztic red bloody eyes and sayd

“The bowser window…. It sayed…. creepycattle…..dot exe……..”

And then john castlevania spawned irl…. And he exorcised my compooper… and all was good in the world…….. But the sheep outside my farm…… .it was….. .eivled…….. !!! and it kielleded me in my slepe…

the next dae I tolde tha story to the poleice and thy just laugehd at me, but eveyr night the shep look me with big scary smirlk thru the window….

i aslo heard this gril from my class dieded in a strange accident… celicia, the wek after the incident, i cryed

But then I learned about Touhou Project and yuri and now I’ve started HRT and am happy. I have a GF now :)

I love horse race tests for changing my life!!! Fin.Note make part 2 soon Sopjie:)

And that’s what happens when a Discord server writes a Trollpasta together. Please send all complaints to Celica “No Game” Yorigami. ( @joonyorigami.bsky.social )Thank you. GOOD NIGHT !!

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