CreepyPasta Wiki User Chat
Author's note: This is my attempt at an inside joke/user joke pasta. The views expressed here are either greatly exaggerated (I would put 'for comedic purposes' here, but let's be honest: there is no comedy to be found here.) versions of my own, or jokes in general. Please, do not be offended by this if I write about you, chances are I don't think of you in the light I paint you in here.
Also, these stories are completely fictional. I know that's probably obvious, but I know someone's gonna come on here and ask if this is real because I use real characters.
And no matter what anyone says, this is not a protest to get the chat back up. I'm looking at you, Skelly.
Hello, Reader. My name is Derpyspaghetti, and I am here to tell you a story. As you may know, the chat on the creepypasta wiki, this wiki's sister site, has been shut down for quite some time. The admin all say that it is due to toxic users, bullying, cliqueing and the like, but I am here to tell you a great truth . But before I tell you that story, first I must tell you this one.
—
Empyrealinvective sat in his velvet-leather silk recliner, sipping his expensive english tea and deleting quality creepypastas that he did not want on the site, as they threatened his own for attention. Another writer's dreams properly crushed, he leaned back into his seat, and switched to his desktop that contained his all of his writing, from his latest works, to his very first (which I hear is an amazing mashup of many, many things). He dropped the keyboard into his lap, and slammed his sausag-ey fingers against it, creating a strong, consistent, tacking sound. He looked up at the screen to see the massive pile of jibberish being autocorrected into a great story. 'HDKAShdvgefjldjkgHGFASUKD' soon became 'he looked up at the monster, fear shining brightly in his eyes'. Empy smiled. He was well on his way to making his new story for the wiki. He re-read it, eyes slowly scanning down the page, and his satisfied smirk slowly gave way to a frown. This wasn't as fulfilling as it used to be. Having so many horror stories began to get boring after a while, and he began to wish that he could write a story full of dark humor once in a while.
He wished.
A wish. Yes, that was it. That would be a perfect title for his new story. But... who was making it, and why? He looked around to see Billy, his english goldfish, one which wore both a top hat and a monocle, as well as a tuxedo, swimming around. Billy, yes. That was just the right wish-making name. He rolled the thought around in his head for a moment, before deciding that the name sounded like one of a little boy. Empy decided to scrap the story he was currently working on, and mashed his large hands against the keyboard again. Auto-correct came up with two words, both of which were brilliant. Fucking Billy, Empy read, sounding out each word slowly, letting it roll off of his tongue. He stared at it in wonderment, before looking down at his watch. It buzzed, and the digital numbers crudely spelled out 'new CP wiki story', before resuming their normal clockular cycles. He changed tabs to the Creepypasta wiki, and found a story that was perfectly up to standards, before deleting it. He shivered with delight. It always gave him such a rush when he crushed the dreams of yet another aspiring writer. The quality of that story made him wonder, though, what would he be going up against when he finally submitted Billy's Wish.
He clicked over to a new search, and began to type.
"T... R... O... L... L... P... A... S... T... A... W... I... K... I...," he mumbled, hitting each key as he said its corresponding letter. Bing's 'open search' gave him about seventy or eighty pages of irrelevant searches to scroll through before he finally came across the one he most desired, the link to the fabled TROLLPASTA WIKI. He clicked through to the site, and began to mash the Random Page button, before coming across a terrible, terrible story. It had no sense of grammar, was somewhat not completely hilarious, and of none of the quality he had come to expect from a site affiliated with any creepypasta whatsoever. He looked at the evil patrixxx on each side of the screen, and each of them looked of the utmost quality. He looked at the white background, which represented quality incarnate. Finally, he stared down the comic sans text, which, to him, was the quality-est font imaginable. He couldn't understand why the Creepypasta wiki didn't use a font such as that, though that was a matter for another day. A low, nearly inaudible growl escaped him. How could his shining example of a trollpasta go up on a site that hosted as low quality things as it did? There had to be a way to fix the problem.
Suddenly, Empy had an idea.
—
It had taken him months upon months upon months to learn to code in PretentiousScript, or PS for short. It was an extremely difficult language, as all words had to be some variation upon 'Tea and Crumpets' or 'Top hats and Monocles', but he had done it. It was compatible with all languages, which made it extremely good to use once learned, and all Empy had to do was use it. He began to type, his hands moving over the keyboard slowly and deliberately.
- Tally ho, my good man!;
- Shall we sit down for a spot of tea?[
- I say, tis a jolly good day today!: <Must we eat alongside such peasantry?>
- My good sir!]
- I say, tis a jolly good day today!: <Must we eat alongside such peasantry?>
Empy continued typing along in this manner, stopping every so often to readjust his monocle, before stopping entirely.
He had finally begun with the creation of his bot, one that could finally restore some order to the TrollPasta wiki. Of course, he needed an account for said bot, but he didn't want people to think it was a bot in any way, so he needed a clever name for it. One that could misdirect users into thinking that this was not a bot, but rather a person... a guy if you will. He needed to make users think that this was just some guy doing all of the page purging this bot was going to do. It was on those grounds that he decided to name the bot SOMEGUY123 (It would have been 'JUSTSOMEGUY123', but that name was taken). Now, all that was left was to finish the code.
It was an all night coding session, but Empy had finally finished. Nothing could stop him from creating the page-purging bot of destruction, here to restore quality to the site, and make sure that there is a greater chance that you will land upon Billy's Wish when hitting the random pasta button. A small smirk arose upon his face, which quickly gave way to a frown when he remembered he forgot to feed his goldfish overnight. He pushed the thought out of his mind, and clicked the 'create' button on SOMEGUY123's account. Now, he thought to himself, this bot will begin its true reign of terror!
—
LOLSKELETONS loved to burn things down. He loved to do so because he found death extremely hilarious. It was one of these times, however, that he was watching a house burn wickedly to the ground, that he thought it might be so much better to do this with... someone else. Perhaps an accomplice, or a sidekick, just anyone that was ready and willing to burn something down alongside him. Beautiful sparks sprayed out in every direction as a large beam fell, making an orange mane for the structurally compromised house. Desenitized to the true beauty of things such as this, Skelly began to walk off, no longer feeling the heat on his long-dead bones. As he did, he wondered, would an admin be willing to help such a crazed skeleton?
It was around this time that underscorre became a full fledged admin, and therefore got his orange signature. His excitement could not be contained, and so he decided to leave a message on LOLSKELETONS's talk page in hopes of getting a congratulatory reply. LOLSKELETONS, just getting back from another well-deserved burning trip, decided to do his once-per-decade login session to the CreepyPasta wiki. He pressed the on button of his computer, a cold clicking noise sending chills up his exposed spine. He waited a minute for windows to turn on, and then clicked to his 'internet explorer' browser, in hopes that it would work this time. Waiting a full two days for his browser to begin working, he amused himself by re-watching his beautiful videos of your house burning down, the orange light flickering in his eyes like a dying sun.
When he finally did login to the wiki, he noticed that he had new talk messages. Now, this wasn't anything new for the depraved skeleton, but this time, he noticed that the message he had received was from none other than underscorre. He decided to click on it, in hoes of finding something useful, but only found a message saying something along the lines of HEY! IM AN aDMIN NOW!! BYE! LOLSKELETONS's facial muscles were no longer able to show disappointment (or exist at all, for that matter), but if they were, they would have shown something between a grimace and a full on mom-face. He sighed, but that's when he noticed something. Underscorre's signature had changed. Instead of being the boring old yellow that they used to be, they were now a burning, fiery orange. And the wording of it had changed as well. Instead of saying 'underscorre (talk)', it now said 'I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!'. LOLSKELETONS's skull of a face somehow contorted itself into a smile. Maybe hehad found the accomplice he was looking for. Maybe, just maybe, undescorre would help him to burn the houses down, lemons or no.
During this time when LOLSKELETONS and underscorre began conspiring Empy had lost control of SOMEGUY123. The bot was now on a page-purging rampage that noone would be able to stop. Empy couldn't have been more proud. He had coded SOMEGUY to be so realistic that there was no way anyone could tell whether or not he was a bot. He could interact with other users, give reasons for deletion, and even figure out his own favourite pages and memes. Unfortunately, he also could lash out at users with his dank memes, figure out conspiracies to burn your house down, and sit down to drink Empy's favourite tea (which really pissed Emp off, as he wanted all of the tea to himself). Anyway, SOMEGUY had just become an AI out of control, and nobody could stop the page-purging now.
—
Ah, that was a great story to be told, was it not, Reader?
It didn't tell you why the chat was banned?
It gave you nothing more than a humorous look into the lives of EmpyrealInvective and Lolskeletons?
It was completely useless and unfinished?
Oh, I must finish the story right away! But first, please let me adjust my fedora and mustache, before we go on our way.
—
So, LOLSKELETONS and underscorre began to conspire with each other about burning houses down (using the most flammable lemons, of course). One day, LOLSKELETONS was drinking his coffee, the beverage falling straight through his jaw, creating a puddle on the floor. He 'finished up' the last of the drink each drop falling to the floor with a faint drip, before realizing something and attempting to do a comical spit-take (which, of course, was impossible). He quickly turned on his computer and opened up his browser, and spent the two-day loading time burning another house down. He then rushed over to underscorre's chat and left a message on his wall, his bony fingers clicking away at the keyboard like a running spider. He told underscorre that they needed to stop using their talk page messages, as they served as a permanent record of what users said to each other. If someone like Diexillius ever created an account, (as Dix was not on at the time but LOLSKELETONS could use his skeleton powers to see the future) they could easily figure out the house-burning plot. It was on those grounds that LOLSKELETONS and underscorre decided to move their conspiracies to the chat.
Empy sat at his desk, a screen full of PS code flashing brightly in his face. Empy had to fix the issue right away or else he could have a big problem on his hands. He needed to code it so that SOMEGUY could never step foot in the Creepypasta wiki or else one of his beautiful stories may be deleted. His futile attempts at editing the code were all for naught, though, as SOMEGUY had broken free of his reigns! Empy looked sorrowfully at the glaring code, the bright light shining dully in his eyes. A single tear ran down his face.
SOMEGUY had already broken through to the CP wiki, and was making his way to chat, leaving a trail of invisible code in his wake. As it should happen, LOLSKELETONS and underscorre were on the chat already, discussing new plans to burn a house down, this time with low-grade lemon juice. They were working on figuring out where Empy lived so that they could burn his house down and finally restore a more... even flow of stories coming into the site. Unfortunately, SOMEGUY got onto the chat, and using his hyper-advanced plotting-to-burn-a-house-down sensing code, he instantly figured out that both LOLSKELETONS and underscorre were plotting to burn down his creator's house.
LOLSKELETONS looked at the screen, the messages between him and underscorre slowly being drowned out by SOMEGUY's flashing messages, each saying something slightly different, each making him just a little bit more stressed out. He began to shudder, his ribcage clacking together with each movement. He worried that this man who he definitely didn't think was a bot, and he totally knew was just some guy was going to tell Empy about them. He began to worry, and realized that if Empy ever joined the chat, he may be able to see what him and underscorre were planning. He began typing away, bones hitting against metal, messaging underscorre, and everyone else who was active at the time that they needed to get chat shut down. He cited the reasons that there were 'toxic users (radioactive1234, to be particular)', 'cliqueing', and anything else negative that happened from time to time. He left the real reasons, though, to be known only to himself and underscorre.
No record of the chats remain to this date. They say that LOLSKELETONS deleted them all along with the chat. They say that the users were too toxic and the chat logs all died together. They say that everyone forgot how to access them, but I know the truth. I know why they really deleted the chat. And every single fire that's happened since the dawn of time? That was LOLSKELETONS's (and now, underscorre's as well) work. Worst part is, they were never caught, and to this day, they are burning houses down using the finest lemons. Forever.
—
How was that for the story of how the chat was deleted?
What?
You would like to know more?
All right, then...
Epilogue
EmpyrealInvective sat at his computer, the gray-black light of the creepypasta wiki shining dully in his face. He had just successfully deleted another aspiring author's story. Their dreams successfully crushed, Empy leaned back in his recliner, before wondering something: what was that last conversation on the chat? A curious look came over his face, displacing his monocle and top hat. He clicked on the search bar, the plastic of his mouse gently rubbing against his fingers, before vigorously smashing his fists against the keyboard. Autocorrect came to his rescue yet again, and typed in 'Super Secret Chat Logs'. Empy hit the enter key, and found the wiki's very own admin-only chat logs. He clicked on the link, and went to 'latest chat', but nothing happened. It began to load, and kept doing so for a minute or two. A smile of anticipation began to spread across Empy's face, which became a smirk after a little while. He continued to wait for what seemed like an eternity, and it finally finished loading.
And then, before Empy could read any of the page, LOLSKELETONS popped out.
—
There we go. The story is over, it's done. Are you satisfied?
Great.
Thanks for listening, I guess. I hope you have a mediocre day.
Shat out by Derpyspaghetti
Content available under CC-BY-NC
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