Crips 4 Lyfe

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This is a true story. It is so true that it's hyper-realistic. I'm literally in Tears right now after recalling these events. Wait, you think I'm crying? Nah, my fuck buddy that I bought on the Silk Road using TOR from Kevin Spacey's second cousin twice removed's name is Tears.

I was playing my favorite video game, RapeLay, when I heard a knock on my door. "Who can it be knocking at my door? Go away, don't come round here no more.", I said. But the bitch at the door broke it down. "I AM THE GRAND WIZARD OF THE KKK!", he said.

I called Scooby-Doo and the gang to unmask the monster. Jinkies! It was Mr. Johnson! "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!", Mr. Johnson said.

"Gotten away with what?", Velma asked.

"Oh shit.", Mr. Johnson said. "ALLAH SAVE ME!"

Then a biker with a tattoo of Farrah Abraham came in and shot us all.

I woke up to Satan passionately fisting my anus.

"Hey there, sexy.", I said as porno music started playing.

Then, all of a sudden, Jeffrey Dahmer joined in by fucking my dickhole. Holy fuck was this wrong! But holy hell was it erotic.

Then I woke up.

It was all a dream! I used to read Word Up magazine. Salt-n-Peppa and Heavy D up in the limousine. Hangin' pictures on my wall. Every Saturday Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl.

And if ya don't know, now ya know, idiot.

But little did I know  that I was in for another adventure.

Mac Tonight came into my bedroom. Then Farkle came in and turned him into Moon Man. Then Mr. Johnson and Allah joined in.

They lobotomized Moon Man to make him a KKK slave. The lobotomy failed, and instead, Moon Man became a rapper and made the famous NotoriousKKK song that we all know and love today.

And that's the reason McDonald's doesn't air Mac Tonight commercials anymore.

And if ya don't know, now ya know, idiot.

But wait, you want more? You say the title is a lie? You want a story about the Crips? Well fuck you!

Lol jk m80

I knew I had to kill these menaces. So I jumped out my window like a pussy.

I wandered aimlessly for days, and the hot California sun beamed down on me so hard that I became a real life Moses (I say real life because all religion is fake). If you don't get Biblical references, I became black.

And if ya don't know, now ya know, idiot.

I ended up in Compton when I saw Eazy-E's corpse, I walked up to it, but then a bunch of Bloods sprung out of the bushes. I grabbed a knife and stabbed their leader. One sucka dead, LA Times front page cuz the Boyz-n-the-Hood are always hard. You come talkin' dat trash, we'll pull ya card. Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit. Don't quote me boy cuz I ain't sayin' shit.

What my body looked like when I turned black.

Then, Jay'quan Jackson emerged from the bushes and recruited me into the Compton Crips. I asked him what they were, and he told me, in these exact words, "Idiot, you dunno what da Crips are? Bitch, we is a gang, idiot. You needa learn up, foo'!"

And if ya don't know, now ya know, idiot.

At this point, the Notorious B.I.G. came up behind me and stabbed me in the leg for referencing his song, Juicy.

And if ya don't know, now ya know, idiot.

So I joined the Compton Crips. I killed so many fucking Bloods, until that one fateful day.

Jay'quan and I were crip-walking after killing Barack Obama for being unfaithful to his husband when I heard an ominous voice say, "I AM GOD." The next thing I knew, I was covered in Jay'quan's blood.

Then I caught a glimpse of a figure that made an awful Kefka laugh. I could only make the figure out to be... *drumroll please*... The Skin-Taker.

After this happened, I can assure you that I will hunt down the Skin-Taker down and destroy his magical SEBTAW powers because I am in the Crips 4 Lyfe.

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