Curious George: The Bootleg Episode
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I goddamn live and breathe Curious George. The little monkey patient gets my heart a-flutterin' for good times in the name of family friendly programming and entertainment the likes of which no one has ever seen in this reality or any other.
But something horrific happened when I got home from work to see a bunch of notification from the people who were in my Curious George group, I never checked my group notification on Twitter often because I was busy with many other things in my life, there was something someone posted about 20 minutes ago and it said "I know why The curious George bootleg tape in the episode I saw shocked me to the core of my being, it was very, very scary. It was called "Curious George dies of AIDS," and I could tell, because monkeys don't have AIDS. It was also called "Curious George gets killed and eaten by alligators" and "curious George is devoured by wasp because he has a wasp allergy and they infested his skull.", these episode was very violent and it was way too scary for children to enjoy watching." then I scroll more and more through the group posts that I see, someone also said that it had violence and even gore. I had no clue on what they were talking about so I posted on my group that I was going to a garage sale this weekend to hope to find anything related to Curious George, people in my group said "Hope you find something you like, or that you don't have." The next day it was Saturday and it was around 9 o'clock in the morning so I drove my car around to find a garage sale which was hosted by a old man who appeared to be around age 95. Even it looked boring enough maybe my luck will find anything with Curious George related things in the garage sale, I parked my car and greeted the old man as he greeted me back. I looked around but did not find anything that I was interested in until I found a box of VHS tapes that were being sold for 1 dollar a video tape.
I looked inside the box to find some old movies that I liked, there was a few Warner Bros tapes that I wanted to get so I grabbed at least 4 VHS tapes that I did not have and that I want. Then I saw a odd VHS tape it had nothing on it but a sticker that was a blue star, it was a bit dusty so I blew the dust away to see gold marker writing that said "Curious George " I was shocked because maybe the people in my Curious George group on Twitter were right about a violent episode of Curious George, but I was still not sure if I should believe or not, I walked up to the old man and asked about the VHS with a blue star sticker on it. And I also asked the old man on where he got this strange VHS tape from, he said that years ago his grandfather and his father were employees on making tv shows around the 1970's and 1980's and even the half of the 1990's and he was given the strange VHS tape from his grandfather before he passed away, but he also tolled me that he never watched it when he got the VHS, so I payed him the VHS tape with the blue star sticker along with the other VHS tapes that I wanted and drove home to check out the VHS tape with the blue star on the tape, when I got home the first thing I did was I took a picture of it and send it through private messaging on Twitter to my group members of my Curious George group they were shocked and tolled me not to watch it, I thought they were being silly like I never want to know but I wanted to see what this VHS has to say about what people have been saying, so I went to my VCR and I blew the dust away from it after a while of not being used.
I rewind the VHS tape and as I waited for the tape to finish rewinding I ordered pizza and it was only 40 minutes before my pizza came, after the pizza came the tape was all finished rewinding so I grabbed myself a soda and along with the pizza sat myself onto the couch, my older brother along with my parents were working so this was a great time for me to watch this strange VHS tape that I got at the garage sale that I went today, I press play on my remote and the movie started playing "Good morning George!" it was Bill, George's neighbor. "Make me some cereal you stupid bitch." He said with his Chuck Norris voice George had bloodshot eyes as though he had been up all night studying about humans. You can see the rebel flag tattooed on the top of his head (keep in mind Curious George originally aired in United States.) He also has a George W. Bush and a Charles Manson tattoo, even though the only thing America enslaved was our hearts and minds with this great television program.
The narrator sounded like he was baking cookies placed with whip cream. Well, he was on crack. What he said next shocked me. "George knew the guy his friend thought they adopted was supposed to be a monkey. But the 56 year old prison convict, with beard stubble, had to shave constantly to maintain the illusion." Indeed, Caillou had beard stubble. This was disturbing...highly realistic beard stubble, with careful attention to the specific trim to the rough hair follicles. Monkeys don't have beard. "What's that cut on your lip George?" It was Bill. He tried to disguise his gruff, post-puberty voice. "Hey, Bill, I'm curious George, I fell... when I was climbing on the tree, bitch." "What's that smell?" Bill interjected. He pointed out that it smelled like cigarette smoke, but George doesn't smoke. He reached into his winter knapsack and finds some MARLBORO CIGARETTES, THE KIND AN ADULT SMOKES!" I screamed. Bill is shown turning on the TV. Convicted murderer escapes New York prison, police are on the lookout for a Harry, 3 foot 2 monkey-patient looking man. Bill confiscates his cigarettes, quickly.
"Let's carve a pumpkin!" George took out a knife, even though it wasn't Halloween. He lunges toward bill, stabbing hi, while he screams. He quickly buries the body under the snow and starts building a snowman by putting snow around the corpse.
George waits until the man with the yellow hat comes home. "Where bill, George? I've been calling him on my cellphone." George informs the man that bill went shopping for Christmas, and told him to build a whoreman. "You mean a snowman, George." The man asserted. George smiled. It was a sinister smile. The man sees the blood and George points out that it's merely Kool-Aid punch, as he had been thirst and spilled some Kool-Aid punch.
The man with the yellow hat knew better though. He smelled blood. And after watching the local news stories, he pieced it together, slowly. "Let's talk about Christmas George!" he exclaimed. "I love Christmas!" George exclaimed. He invites George into the living room and shows him a variety of presents, and even a Hannukah dreidel. George is shown opening presents, first a hot wheels toy, then Kleenex, then three markers and a Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi coloring book.
"And every year, Santa comes down the chimney, and leaves cookies and milk!" The man exclaimed. "I love milk!" George exclaims. "I love milk too!" The man exclaims. "Let's sing a song about milk!" The man exclaims. He starts to sing a long song about dairy cows, the farmers, guys who squeeze woman tits during sex, this was weird, highly graphic details about the life and death of cows and having sex, including details about artificial insemination and how a bolt gun works.
What happened next was truly bad. The man with the yellow hat took out a revolver and shot George in the head. George slumps over, bleeding. Cold.
He phones the police who quickly identify the body and discover over 30 corpses buried under the snow in the man's backyard. The narrator discusses the dangers of adopting monkey, before going on some tangent about his favorite movie of Chicken Little and then just stops talking altogether, but you hear him mumbling. I think he may still be talking about the Chicken Little movie.
George was dead. I ejected the VHS tape as I was so scared of this bootleg episode of Curious George , I stayed up til like 3 in the morning because I could not sleep after I watched George killing everyone, the next day I went to my Curious George group on Twitter and messaged everyone in my group of what I saw, I put pictures and even a few videos of the footage in private messaging. Since I did not want to post it for everyone on Twitter to see because Twitter could banned me from the website. Everyone in my Curious George group were shocked about what I found, so I decided to talk to the old man on what I saw when I went to his garage sale. I was lucky enough to remember the street name and house number at the same time, I was then so frilled to remember the VHS tape, the old man walked my inside his house as I sat down with him on the couch.
He asked me on the VHS tape that it said "Curious George." and I told him on when I watched it and what I saw I showed him photos and a few videos of the footage that I saw, the old man was shocked about it and said to throw it away when I got home. So after my visit with the old man where I got the VHS tape from that said "Curious George." I threw away the tape and a week later I went to see if the tape was in the garbage it wasn't, I looked around my whole house but it was nowhere to be found. I never seen the VHS tape again. If you come across a VHS tape with a blue star sticker on it that says "Curious George." just don't watch it or your childhood will be ruined.
Credited to R2K6
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