Cursed Video Game Cartridge
"Well, maybe if you didn't buy the insurance at 15% we would have lower monthly down payments on our renter's insurance, Harold." Shitted my mother. "Well, maybe if you didn't make me buy the insurance at 15% we would have lower monthly down payments on our renter's insurance, BITCH." Shatted my father.
It was downstairs, Tuesday, 6am, breakfast. The dog dragged his ass all over the rug, I smiled, thinking of breakfast. "mmmm uh-oh." My mom had made me delicious fried eggs with catsup on toast, which we gave an endearing nickname because I think I know how to write anything charming. My brother's name is Calvin. I just figured you should know that, Calvin with a C ate his Eggers And T'oast and got it all over his face because he is a stupid little motherfucker.
"Pbtahat thbat ybour nbewb viybedo gayme?" He literally spat all over me through his full gullet and two missing front teeth. Uh-oh, ah, yes I said, understanding at some point I will be asked to actually describe the haunted cartdridge. Having a thought that I said out loud, which I like to call "saying words", I mouthed them and vibrated my vocal chords in tandem to my brother, which sounded like "Yeah".
Unfortunately for him, I had much more useless exposition to vomit all over my orthopedic keyboard.
The bus pulled up and the brakes squealed, which meant the brakes were engaged. The ground was wet outside. Are you bored yet? Too bad, I'm a really skilled storyteller and you are going to read all of this shit and like it. I got on the bus, my brother no longer exists now. I sat on the bus seat, which was brown and vinyl, like many public school bus systems. If you had a different bus seat, feel free to comment who the fuck asked.
By the time I arrived to school, I was shaking and trembling with fear. I got back on the bus and snuck home, and ran up to my room, my skinny chicken legs carrying me up the stairs, passed my parent's very interesting and necessary dialogue, which will be represented by me repeating words until you scroll far enough.
WORDS
WORDS
wORDS
WORDS
WORDS
WORDS
I took off my backpack, which was teal and black. The books in it were existing, so when it fell on the floor it made a thunk sound. I'm glad I told you that. Anyway the carpet was blue, and my shirt was orange, and there was a bag of mcdonald's oysters on my bed. "Mmmm, uh-oh" I repeated once more as I thought of my dog dragging his ass all over the living room carpet. Ah, that reminds me to tell you about school. School was made of bricks, which were wet like the road because water fell from the gray clouds while we slept last night, which I believe is called "rain". Some kid named Giacomo shot a bunch of people during Lunch Period, but I wasn't there.
I plugged my Super Nintendo into the power outlet, to make it have electrical power, and then I pressed the switch that turns it on. The screen of the TV did nothing. So I plugged the television into the power out- wait a moment. There is only one outlet.
WORDS
wORDS
WORDS
WORDS
WORDS
...So my dad and I did manage to get the surge protector from Walmart, even though he was kicked out for taking his mask off over and over and screaming about his gun he left in the car to shoot looters from the liberal city while my mom screamed at him over and over again for trying to crush the globes into a more accurate disk shape. After that, we got into the car and began driving home. "Uh-oh," I said, and burst into tears.
We drove up the driveway, but it wasn't our driveway. We went the wrong way and had to turn around in a neighbor's because the road we turned onto was a cul-de-sac. "Let's take Southmor Blv" my mom smiled angrily at my father, who laughed dejectedly. I burst into tears at this, knowing it would be even longer before I could play Super Mario World. My dad made the car go foreword by pressing the gas pedal and turning the wheel (inside the car) until we got home, the place I live.
I plugged my Super Nintendo into the power outlet, to make it have electrical power, and then I pressed the switch that turns it on. The screen of the TV did nothing. So I plugged the television into the power outlet. Electric and power surged on the screen.
(You could begin reading here, at zero consequence to the rest of the story) The cartridge was blank and had no stickers on it. I got dizzy, and my vision went blurry once a black screen appeared with no sound. "Uh oh, oh no" I vomited as forbidding yellow text appeared on the screen, which I was too teary eyed to read. As I rubbed my eyes and tried to stop vomiting, Mario walked on screen, but this wasn't the right Mario... No, this was some fucking kind of fucked up nightmare fucking Mario.
He was elongated, in a horrible way. Covered in long tumors, and walking as if he were a claymation sequence. Instead of the usual jump and the boing noise we all grew up on, he uttered a horrifying pixelated (that is the word for condensed audio) scream. It felt like my liver exploded, and before I could scream in terror, he punched the blurry words, and did that godawful fucking scream fucking again.
I blacked out. I crumpled into a heap and smashed my face against the small stone gnome.
I woke up, with an awful, primal drum beat playing in the background. A man was on screen, jiggling menacingly at me. I threw up and resumed sobbing. What the fuck ARE YOU!? I screamed at the horrifying weird sprite. It jiggled more at me, prompting me to cry out in both panic and rage, and knock the television over in a panic to fucking stop the fucking nightmare that was happening in front of me.
I felt a strong strike to the back of my head and my ass, and sobbed while vomiting again. It was my father, who screamed "Why did you do that, I told you yesterday your brother was playing Mortal Kombat."
Credited to magicbluejelly
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