Dark Holes
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NSFW WARNING
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So, the other day, I saw a display in a videogame shop one day. It was a new Dark Souls game. However, it was not as I expected. Instead of being a hyper-realistic blood-filled game with shitty stuff thrown in, it was a supposedly 'sexual' version of the game. Cleverly titled Dark Holes.
I brought the game from a guy called Daniel. He had a shocked look on his greasy, blood-stained face. I wasn't too worry. I honestly think this might've been a prank. I got the game from the display.
The price of the game was, not normal. It was only 99€. Who buys a game for less a dollar? I questioned the guy in the most level-headed way possible.
"Dude, what the fuck?" I said, fuming. The guy stopped for a second. He turned to me. He gave me a wink and a jiggle of his trouser snake. He started to explain.
"Look, this is no normal game. You don't know what the hell you are getting yourself into. Please, don't play it. It is for your sake." He said, with a wink. And another one. And another. And. You get the point.
I brought the game. Daniel looked at me. He looked scared. Frankly, I felt bad for him. So, I left him a kind note on the front of his desk.
"Fuck you!" The note said. It was very-badly drawn. By me. Hi, I'm Poon, I have a weird name. I'm a 26 year old gamer with a major disfunctional dad who beats me and who adds nothing to this shitty story.
I took the game home. It was for the PS3. I had one on hand. Filled with nice games. Oh. How cool is that? I opened the box and I saw the boxart.
The knight looked, hot. He was getting deep-throated by a veiny cock. I nutted. My palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, there's vomit on my sweater already, Mom's spaghetti. Yeah. I was ready.
I booted up the game. Everything was normal. But. The twist was... Something wasn't normal. A warning screen actually popped up.
"Warning: This game is for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised." I was shocked. How? How did this game get the green light? How? Seriously, how?
It booted up. I saw the title screen. The knight looked a middle-aged white man with a job. His schlong was dangling out of his armour. Making me nut out of my ass. A screamer appeared with a loud noise. I shat myself and I loved it. Blood splashed onto the screen. There was only one opition. That was to 'start the sex' and yes. I am immature. So, I laughed my butt off for a minute. I started the game. I spawned in a bedroom. There was a hot woman. She was tied up. She had a ball in her mouth. Under her muffled screams, you could hear something.
"BDSM?" The only opitions were yes and yes. I chose yes. We preformed the action. The main character's dad walks in. His jaw drops like a freaking cartoon character! Hyper-realistic blood is seen, gushing out of the main character's nipples. And his penis, too.
The dad gets pissed and the dad and the guy have a conversation. It went. Like. This. Yeah. It. Did. Went. Like. Like. This.
"What are you doing with my sister?"
"Uhh, we're, uhh, umm, hmm, we're, uhh, umm, fuck!"
The music becomes reversed. I was like WTF? Then I was like LMAO. But for the most part, I was like WTF? For reasons. A game over screen popped up.
"Game Over, it was not what it looked like!" I was shocked. Therefore, I called the company who made the game (Cumshot Inc.) and I told them that all of their games should be pulled from my local GameCock. Also, haha, you thought this was gonna be about dark and deep bottomless pits, didn't ya? Welp, it was about a sex version about Dark Souls. You weren't suspecting that.
After this incident, everywhere I go, I think about sex. Even my sister's bedroom. That was a bit not poggers to say. I'm a chad. Not a giga one. But hey, who the fuck cares? I am right, you be wrong. I told you so. Fuck all that shit. By the way, that guy Daniel? Yeah, he's deaded now. Get rekt. Anyways. I never played that game ever again. Also, one thing I should mention.
Don't play this shit! Otherwise, it'll make you cum and die!
Written by TheBigLG
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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