Easter Bunny

You know how parents tell you to go to bed so that you can't get up to see Santa? You might figure, "Well, what does it matter? I already know what he looks like". That's right, you do know what he looks like. It's the same with other fairy tale creatures: leprechauns, dragons, unicorns, fairies (and more or less the Tooth Fairy), mermaids, ghosts, goblins, genies - just to name a few.

But have you ever seen any sort of agreed virsion of the Easter Bunny?

No. That's because there isn't one.

So why? Why not? If no has really seen any of these other creatures, then why is there a definate answer on what they look like? The answer is quite simple, really - all these things are more popular than the Easter Bunny. Each can be aimed at the younger audiance easily becuase of the source material.

So, what's so different about the Easter Bunny? As I just mentioned, the source material helps. Dragons are mystical reptiles originating from China. Leprechauns are from Irish folk tales who hide gold at the bottom of rainbows, and so forth. How many people know where the concept of the Easter Bunny came from?

"That can go for Santa, too," is what you may say. But tell me, would you rather have a basket full of candy, or a slew full of new toys? Yep, thought so. Once again, popularity and better concept wins.

But there is one more reason to the mystery of the design of the Easter Bunny... I should probably tell you all that.

Other characters from tales were found to be more relaxed in terms of original design. What I mean is that none of them looked too menacing. So people found it easy to warp their images into cartoony portraits that were friendly enough for any child.

However, there is no original image of the Bunny. Instead a first-hand experience would be needed to document its form.

Enter Elise Ruther - she supposedly encountered the Bunny one Easter morning while going to the bathroom. This occured back in the late 1800's, although the exact date is unknown. She was under 8 years old at the time. What she saw horrified her into trama. As she grew older she would draw pictures of a white anthropromorphic figure with long rabbit ears and huge, swollen feet. Years later she would experience vivid halutinations, night terrors, and became very withdrawn and emotional. It came to a point where she could not take care of herself and lived with her parents for the last 8-9 years of her life. At around her 29th birthday she sewed her eyelids shut. She would scream about the "Furry Man" and refused to say anything else. Not long after she died of a massive heart attack.

Elise Ruther would be the first on record to report such a sighting. She was deemed insain. Little did people know that other children would report similar viewings around the same time. Their descriptions all matched and each went through almost identical emotional trama - the exceptions included sucide, homocide, intense seizures and crying fits.

Back in 2009, the most recent sighting, 7 year old Ethan Cooper Bradly witness the creature one night in his Californian apartment living room. According to his description, it was an extremely tall, polka-dot bow-tie clad rabbit-like man with big hands and large feet. It had claws and an odd, wicked smile with overgrown incisors that were oure white and deeply yellowed, sharp back teeth. It limbs bended awkwardly, almost like rubber. It gazed at him with buldging black eyes with tiny blood-red irises. It spoked to him in a highpitched, scratchy sqeek, "Hello, little boy...", it paused, "come here, I've got loads of candy that I'm just dying to share with someone." At that point the voice became a very low hissing noise. "Come to me, I've got candy, sweets galore," it motioned forward, "come here, and play. We'll play Hopscotch, my favorite..."

After that the boy ran screaming and the Easter Bunny scrambled forward to attack - laughing as if it were a child itself. It caught Ethan and bit his right arm off. Its white fur soaked in blood, its teeth dripped with flesh.

"Thank you."

Then it vanished. But as the boy clutched his mother's robe, he saw a basket full of goodies and several brightly colored eggs hidden throughout his residence. The mother and father told the police they did not set out anything for Ethan. It was investigated and came the conclusion of a break-in. The Bradlys' can hear faint, dark giggles and histeric laughing at night.

Ethan is alive today, but in wretched health. He drew a picture of it using an MS Paint program for a therapist in 2012.

—

Now maybe you'll understand why no one cares about the Easter Bunny. Hopefully a cute widespread design comes along, for the childrens' sake. I'm telling you all this stupid, fucking story to waste your god damn time, you fucking idiots. What, did it actually, maybe seem like it shouldn't be on this site at all? Well now it's ruined thanks to you. All 'cause you read this fucking far, I had to write in this part, which ruined EVERTHING! God damn you to hell! Yeah, you know what? I think I'll just tell you off some more! Yeah... You little pile of shit. You know what I really hate about you? Every last fucking thing. You and your god damn selfies, god damn mother fucking mama's boy you is. Fucking posting shit because your shit soooooooo important. Yeah, ya took a massive shit, good for you - update your damn Facebook status to "fukin asshol", you dipshit. You're the reason why the fucking world takes a shit over every cherished memory every person on the face of the damn planet ever had. Fuck, man. I tell you, ya little terd, I smelt better shit coming out of a pig. I've seen better old, wrinklely hags than your face. I FUCKING HATE YOU, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!

- Love, TooManyDespairs

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