Eddy or Not Here We Come
This story started a couple of summers ago. The grass the was green and the sky was blue. What more could you ask for? Well, my cheery summer attitude ended on a night that I will never forget. It was August 8th and as usual, I was sitting on my ass watching television because I had nothing else to do. I was switching through channels and saw that Ed Edd n' Eddy was on Cartoon Network. This delighted me, since this has always been one of my favorite shows. I also had every episode on my DVR except this one. The name of the episode was Eddy or Not Here We Come. It said "Parts 1 and 2" after it, so having a never before seen two part episode from my favorite show was like a dream come true. A kid in a candy store perhaps, but what I saw was something that threw me completely off guard and ruined the rest of my summer.
The episode started with a stick-puppet recreation of the intro to every episode. For some reason all three of the Eds' faces were blank. When it was there time to say there names all three of them said "Dead is Better" and then Edd suffered a gunshot wound to the chest. The screen stayed on the lifeless body of Edd. In the background the soundtrack was gone and all I could hear was the sound of Kevin laughing. Did he have something to do with the death of Edd? I would have to keep watching to find out.
There was no fancy title card, but it just flashed to a funeral. Eddy, Ed, Johnny, and Rolf were carrying the coffin. Inside was Edd. He had crudely drawn "x's" around each eye. You could hear sobbing from each character at the funeral. Most of the people sitting there were faceless, but there movements and noise concluded that they were crying. A few minutes of crying finished and Edd was placed into the ground. Kevin rode by on his bike and yelled, "You dorks are gonna be next. See you around fuckers!" I couldn't believe what I just heard. Did he really say "fuck"? On a kids show no less.
The next scene flashed to Ed's basement. Ed and Eddy were writing on a giant piece of paper. You could see a picture of Kevin, a stump from a tree, a rope, and pictures of Rolf's goat, Victor, and his cow, pig, and a donkey. I never noticed a donkey in any episode, but since this was already messed up enough in killing Edd off, I just wanted to see how much more fucked up shit they could put into this. Well, that's what I thought, but what I felt on the outside was fear, a loss of breath, and abrupt sweat. I also noticed on the table that Plank was there. How could he be there without Johnny? The audio and visuals became distorted, but I saw Eddy pick up a hammer and some nails. He began to beat the nails into Plank, thus turning him into a spiked club of some sorts. The audio came back and the visuals as well, and Eddy said,"Time to get that son of a bitch."
The Eds went to Rolf's farm and he was at his stables. He opened the doors and said," Ed boy... I am a son of a shepard, but now I am also a sinner." Eddy cracked a creepy smile and said,"Ed! Go get Johnny. Tell him that we have business to attend to." Ed ran off to get Johnny. Rolf and Eddy took the animals out of the stables and began to walk.
They stopped walking, when they approached a bike. It was Kevin's. Ed arrived with Johnny and Eddy told him to "Pick that piece of shit up." Ed lifted the bike over his head and then smashed it into the ground, shattering it to pieces. Kevin came out after hearing the smashing of his bike, but before he could say anything, Eddy took the nail-filled Plank and hit Kevin in the back of the head. The screen faded to black.
Another scene began as if we were in the same point of view as Kevin. He seemed frightened as he said,"What are you dorks doing to me?" Eddy then replied, "You think you can kill one of us and get away with it? How dare you kill my friend. Johnny! Rolf! Ed! Tie his arms and legs, and when you are done with that tie the other end of the rope to the animals. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kevin began to cry, as he blubbered, "Please I'm sorry! You don't have to do this!" Eddy was still laughing insanely. When the others were done tying the ropes Kevin began to scream. The volume on my television was so low, but it almost shattered my ear drums. I felt pain, but also sympathy for Kevin. I never liked Kevin on the show, and I always wanted to see him get his ass kicked, but not this way. Kevin continued to scream, and Eddy stopped laughing. He began to scream louder than Kevin. He kept screaming and screaming, until Kevin stopped. Kevin closed his eyes knowing that his fate was sealed. Eddy ordered the others to hit the animals to get them to run once they did, Kevin's limbs were ripped from their sockets and he began to bleed out on the stump and into the soil. With nothing to say the four boys walked away in silence. The camera focused on Kevin's mutilated body and he began to twitch like a fly swatted by a newspaper. He opened his mouth and blood poured out and so did his organs from the lower part of his body. He closed his eyes once more and he was dead. As dead as anyone could ever be. The show then cut to commercial.
I was terrified! I turned the television off without remembering that there was a second part. If anyone has ever seen the second part, contact me IMMEDIATELY, so I can have closure on this. To those of you who have never seen this episode you are lucky and let it stay that way forever.
Originally on Geoshea's Lost Episodes Wiki
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