Emoji Death
I (41M) am an avid Reddit enjoyer. As a long time member of the Reddit nation (7 years), I am an expert in Reddit. 3 months ago, I was at a party with my fellow Redditor friends. We were talking about the crimes we commited, such as mass murder and money laundering. It was late at night, I decided to have 69 beers. (For the lolz of course, I am not an addict.)
When I was driving home extremely drunk, I grabbed my phone to see a text from my friend John, it said: "Be careful driving out there you didn't have enough beers 🍺" which he quickly followed by "Didn't mean to click the emoji!" It was too late. Before I could even read it, I threw my phone out the window and drove at full speed back, causing about 4 car crashes.
I arrived, barging down the door with a shotgun. Everyone was scared, I strangled some random guy, and asked him where John was with anger. He was struggling to breathe, but said that he went outside in the woods. I threw the guy and went back into my car, driving at full speed into the woods. I had my shotgun ready.
After killing a deer with a tree I accidentally knocked over, I saw john, and hit him with my car going 300 mph. he was very injured, I slowly walk out, with my shotgun. I say "Did you just... use an... EMOJI!?" he was crying, begging for his life.
I shot him in the head as he was screaming. I then buried his body, and then buried the dead deer above him. A tip I got from a Reddit thread, so police would see the animal first and think thats what the smell is from. I then went back home to scroll on r/AmITheAsshole until I fall asleep.
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