Eva, Auf Wiedersehen!
This totally actually undoubtedly surely happened. I have no idea if it was some sort of modded version of Wolf 3D, or if it truly was possessed.
I love Wolfenstein 3D. To me, it's one of the best games ever created. I remember acquiring it when it was new, on Christmas 1992, and playing the living hell out of it on my family's 486 running Windows 3.1. The thrill of exploring the castle, shooting Nazis, all in a 3D world which felt real. But this story isn't about my love for the game, but about the time I found a cursed copy of Wolf 3D.
About a decade or so later, I felt a sense of nostalgia. I had recently unearthed my family's Compaq 486 computer, and I was very ready to live my life like it was the 90s, even if it was just for a short time. I open up Craigslist and search for anyone who has a copy of Wolf 3D they want gone. I find a guy by the name of Jimbo Jagger who lived in Tennessee, giving away the copy he has for free. "Sweet", I thought, and revved my car engine for an 8 hour trip to Tennessee to acquire the game.
When I got there, I knocked on the door. "Hello," I spoke. "Is this Jimbo? I've come to buy your copy of Wolfenstein 3D."
"Look no further fella," he replied. "You found me". He asked me to come inside, and treated me to some sweet tea and blueberry yum yum he kept in the fridge. We sat together and talked, and I basically forgot about Wolfenstein 3D right until he pulled out the game's box from his shelf. It was large, as DOS games usually were, and multiple floppies were inside. It looked legit, it didn't seem like anything was wrong with it.
I thanked the man, and went back to my car, and took the 8 hour trip back to my house. "Wolfenstein 3D... in the box... for free?" I thought to myself. "This is too good to be true!". And it was...
The moment I came home and popped it into my computer, I was met with a blissful feeling of nostalgia, as the MIDI version of Horst-Wessel-Lied played through these old speakers. I was damn ready to kill some Nazis.
So, I started it. It was pretty much normal, except that sometimes the enemies which weren't Hitler would have Hitler's death sound. "Eva, Auf Wiedersehen!".
I didn't think too much of it, since in my mind it probably just glitched. However, when I reached the episode "Die, Führer, Die!", everything changed to the worse. I started off in the first level, with the song "Evil Incarnate" playing. This was strange as it wasn't until the second installment of Wolf 3D, Spear of Destiny, that this song was made.
The room was a long hallway, totally crimson red with pipes of blood and shit pouring out. It seemed nearly hyper-realistic, even if it was all just 2.5D. On the walls were very weird art, one of which was of Sailor Mercury getting disemboweled by a large gorilla. At the end of the hallway, Hitler stood, in his super-mega-ultra-cool form. I brandished the minigun and began shooting. By the end of it, Hitler fell, screaming "Eva, Auf Wiedersehen!" but slowed down, and the game crashed.
I then get a call from my mom, asking me "What the fuck were those text messages?". "What text messages?" I replied confusedly. "Don't fuck with me Fred, you KNOW WELL what ones they were!". My mom was never that hostile toward me. I check my phone, and I see that I sent a lot of weird messages to every contact. Stuff like that aforementioned Sailor Mercury picture, the Hitler sprite from Wolf 3D, and a bunch of porn. I sent messages like "YOU WILL NEVER GET ME FUCKERS!" and "YOU'RE ASSHOALES ARE ALL FUCKED HARD AND FILLED WITH CREAMY MAGICAL MAYO!". I then realized what was happening: my consciousness was splitting in half.
I couldn't control myself. I went to my computer, and started sending messages to all my friends. I felt as if my hands were moving on their own, out of my control. I kept spamming my friends with shit like "I'M GOING TO PISS IN YOUR EYEBALLS!".
By the end, I couldn't control myself. I became Hitler.
I was found 2 hours later with a Hitler-stache and an STG-44 I shoved up my ass, with the words "EVA, AUF WIEDERSEHEN" written on the walls in my own shit. I was dead; and the alter ego won.
Written by Cyanlobster
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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