Evil Gus

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This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations.
...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.


The News

  • News Channel Guy: It's time for the news everybody. We recieved word of some horrifying thing that happened downtown. A giant evil green lizard thingy is going around muredring people. His name is Mr. Gus and he is a criminal. He has gone all around the place murdering tons of people. It says that Mr. Gus comes from a show called Uncle Grandpa. Let's ask the people of Uncle Grandpa about him. Let's ask the person who lives with this guy, Uncle Grandpa.
  • (Screen goes to Uncle Grandpa)
  • News Channel Guy: Hello Uncle Grandpa.
  • Uncle Grandpa: Good Morning!!!
  • News Channel Guy: Hello Uncle Grandpa. Can you tell us about Mr. Gus?
  • Uncle Grandpa: Uuuuuuh ... Let's see he's uh ... green and uh ... has eyes ... and uh ... uh ... eyes and uh ... I think that his name begins with the letter 4. ... I like peanut butter ... Cow? ... Cow? ... Cow? ... Cow? ... COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW COW ... COOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!! ... Cow?
  • News Channel Guy: Okay nevermind this guy is too stupid to tell us about him. Let's go to two of the victims that Mr. Gus has attacked. Let's talk to Beary Nice and Hot Dog Person.
  • (Screen goes to Beary Nice and Hot Dog Person in the hospital)
  • News Channel Guy: Hello Beary Nice and Hot Dog Person. I see that Mr. Gus attacked you two in attempt to murder you, but only managed to horribly injure you. What was it like getting attacked by Mr. Gus?
  • (Screen goes to Hot Dog Person who is severely brain damaged)
  • News Channel Guy: Hot Dog Person tell us -
  • Hot Dog Person: GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!
  • (Slaps camera out of the camera man's hands, jumps out of his hospital bed and runs away screaming in insanity. The camera shows him running through the halls and then a bunch of hospital assistants jump up and tackle him.)
  • (Screen Goes to Beary Nice)
  • News Channel Guy: Beary Nice, tell us what it was like getting attacked by Mr. Gus.
  • Beary Nice: I think that getting brutally assaulted and nearly murdered is Beary Nice ... Oh wait ... THAT'S ME!!!
  • News Channel Guy: Uuuuuh ... What?
  • Beary Nice: I think that it was Beary Nice to get senselessly beaten by a psychopathic dinosaur without any exclamation. I have never ever EVER come this close to death before in my life. This was all a new experience for me, and a Beary Nice one too. Oh wait ... THAT'S ME!!!
  • News Channel Guy: Okay can somebody please tell me just what the hell is wrong with this guy?
  • Some random dude who must work for the news or somthing: Uh, I think that this is because of the brain damage.
  • News Channel Guy: Oh yes of course. Well there you have it folks, Mr. Gus is so violent and horrid of a murder, that he has caused such horrible and severe brain damage to -
  • Doctor: Uh actually, he was always like this.
  • News Channel Guy: ... what? ...
  • Doctor: Yeah, Beary Nice was always this stupid even before the brain damage.
  • News Channel Guy: ... okay well that's just scary ...
  • Beary Nice: No, not scary, BEARY!!! You're pronouncing my name wrong.
  • News Channel Guy: Shut Up.
  • Beary Nice: I think that severe brain damage is Beary Nice. Oh Wait, THAT'S ME!!!
  • Hot Dog Person: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • News Channel Person: Okay, get the cameras out of here, this is just plain stupid.
  • (Hot Dog Person starts beating up the camera man)
  • News Channel Guy: We'll have more at eleven.

The Story

Alright so, this is the story of this Mr. Gus guy. One day, Mr. Gus woke up in the RV. Then he said. "Uh, goodbye Uncle Grandpa i'm gunna go. I'll be back." Then Uncle Grandpa said "Good Morning!" Then, Mr. Gus got in his car and Mr. Gus was backing out of his driveway in a car. I was standing outside of this place so I witnessed this all.

There was a little girl who was playing out in the road with her Barbie dolls. Mr. Gus started to drive away but the he stopped, looked back at the little girl and all of a sudden, he quickly turned around and started driving up toward her really extremely fast and then he ran over her and she was on the ground crying. Then, he ran over her again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again until she died. Then Mr. Gus drove away.

Then I said "Whoa! Mr. Gus just killed a little girl!" Then, Mr. Gus drove back because he heard me and said. "HEY! YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU LITTLE PRICK!!! IF YOU TELL ON ME SO HAVE IT I WILL KILL YOU TOO!!!" Then I said "Mr. Gus killed a little girl!" Then Mr. Gus said "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" Then I said "OH MY GOD! Mr. Gus? You killed a little girl?" Then Mr. Gus said "FUCKING SHUT UP KID STOP TALKING!" Why would you kill a little girl? Then Mr. Gus said "KID! STOP TALKING!!! DON'T TALK ANYMORE!!! STOP TALKING!!!" Then I screamed at the top of my lungs out in public where everybody could hear "MR. GUS KILLED A LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! MR. GUS KILLED A LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! MR. GUS KILLED A LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!! MR. GUS KILLED A LITTLE -"

Then Mr. Gus cut me off and grabbed me and said "GET IN HERE YOU FUCKING LITTLE PRICK!!!" And he covered my mouth, and threw me in the trunk of his car. Then he turned around, looked back at me and said "I'll kill you later, in the mean time, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Then he got out some meth and started smoking it. Then I said "Mr. Gus, doing drugs is bad. You should never take meth. Meth is illegal." Then Mr. Gus said "NOBODY ASKED YOU NOW SHUT UP!!!" Then I said "But Mr. Gus -" Then Mr. Gus cut me off and said "FUCK YOU!" and he threw a bottle of liquor at me and it just barely missed me. Then, Mr. Gus put a stick of crack in his mouth and he slammed on the gas petal and he started jetting off extremely fast.

Mr. Gus drove his car right trough the park gates and started killing people by running them over and shooting a gun out the window. Then I said "Mr. Gus it is not polite to kill people." Then Mr. Gus said "HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO SHUT THAT TALKING ASSHOLE THAT'S GROWING ON YOUR FACE!!!???" Then I said "It's not okay to kill people in real life.

Maybe it would be okay to kill people in Pacific Rim but not in real life." Then Mr. Gus ran over a big rock in the ground which caused him to drop his gun out the window and run over it with the back wheels of his car, and for his crack to fall out of his mouth and into a baby's carriage and for his head to smash up on the roof of his car and for him to lose control of the steering wheel of his car and for it to start spinning senselessly out of control making him fly everywhere in the car.

Then Mr. Gus said "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then I said "Wow, Mr. Gus, you're not nearly as nice as you look on TV. In fact, -"Then Mr. Gus reached out to grab me with some furious looking angry pissed off eyes and said "FOR FUCK SAKE KID!!!!!! FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!! IM GOING TO KILL YOU NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But before he could grab me, he slammed into a curb and it sent the car flying and spinning in the air and it started smashing all over the ground and destroying everything leaving people screaming and running in fear more than they were before.

Me and Mr. Gus were flying everywhere in the car and screaming and so were all of his drugs and alcohol. Then, all of his drugs fell out of the car and he blamed me for it. Then, he jumped back and tried to kill me again. He grabbed me, but before he could kill me the car smashed into the giant fountain at the park and it exploded all over the place. The car was destroyed and Mr. Gus was lying there on the ground under a giant metal burning car part.

Mr. Gus got up and - well tried to get up and then he slipped and banged his face on the concrete ground causing him to bleed and cry everywhere. Then I said "I want some candy? ... I want some candy? ... Some candy? ... Do I want some candy? ... Mr. Gus tell me the answer to this do I want some candy?" Then Mr. Gus said "Please kid ... I don't want much out of you ... I don't even want to kill you anymore ... But could you please do me this one last favor and shut the fuck up?"

Then I said "Okay but first I want you to tell me do I want some candy?" Then Mr. Gus just started crying in pain and misery as I kept on repetitively and annoyingly asking him "Do I want some candy?" Then the police showed up. There were CRAP LOADS of them. They were everywhere and they all were going to arrest Mr. Gus.

They all started surrounding him and then Mr. Gus got up and started walking forward in a straight line crying. He kept on nudging the police out of the way like it was nothing. The police were weirded out as to just why the hell he would be doing that in a major situation like this where all the guns were pointed at him and he was the big doofus in trouble there. Then, Mr. Gus just started shoving them out of the way, pounding them even, KILLING them even, and then it got to the point where Mr. Gus was just senselessly beating and killing the cops while letting out some ginormous evil roar and had burning red eyes and was breathing fire. Then, the cops all started shooting at him but it was having no affect.

Then, Mr. Gus roared and blew a ginormous blast of fire which sent all of those cops flying. Then, he walked up to me, grabbed me by the head, threw me into the back of a police car, handcuffed me, duct taped my mouth, tied me up in rope, locked me in some chains, and said "I've got a very special death for you. Just you wait. I will kill you like i've killed no other person before. Just you wait."

Then he got in the car and drove away. He drove me back to the RV and went inside. Uncle Grandpa was there and said "Good Morning Mr. Gus! You came back just in time for lunch!" Today we're having Zaxbys." Pizza Steve, Belly Bag, and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger were all sitting around the table eating their food. Mr. Gus pulled out his pocket knife, reached out, grabbed Belly Bag by one of his strings, and pulled him back and started painfully slaughtering him with his knife.

All of his stuff spilled out of him as he cut him open. Everyone screamed in shock after what they just saw. Then Mr. Gus said "I'm going to be right back. I'm gunna go get something. You guys don't move a fucking BIT!!! Look at what I just did and think really hard about how you should obey me." Mr. Gus went back into his car and got me. He brought me back into the RV and when he came back Uncle Grandpa was happily standing there and he said "Good Morning! Today we're havi-"

Mr. Gus shot Uncle Grandpa with his gun before he could finish his sentence. Then Mr. Gus jumped up on Giant Realistic Flying Tiger and started slaughtering and stabbing her in the back. Then Giant Realistic Flying Tiger said "ROAR!!!" Then Mr. Gus said "You are going to shut up and do as a say you got that?" Giant Realistic Flying Tiger just nodded her head because she could not talk. Mr. Gus took her into his room with him and locked the door. Pizza Steve was still sitting there in that room alone. Then I thought to myself "What idiot would just leave the scene of a crime without killing that one witness? ... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! MR. GUS IS AN IDIOT!!!!!!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Then, Pizza Steve came over to me and untied me from my trap. Then I said "Hey, Thank's Pizza Steve. I was getting sick of not being able to move in there." Then Pizza Steve said "Dude, we've gotta get the hell out of here!" Then I said "Hold on a second Pizza Steve, we can't do that just yet. Mr. Gus is a criminal and criminals like this should be dealt with."

Then Pizza Steve said "Are you fucking insane? Mr. Gus is going to kill us!" Then I said "Don't worry Pizza Steve I have a plan to stop him and we need to work together." Then Pizza Steve said "Oh God ... Sigh ... Alright Fine. But you'd better know what you're doing!" Then I said "Don't worry. I know what to do. Now if only we had one more person to help us." Then Uncle Grandpa came up and said "Maybe I can help." Then I said "What? Uncle Grandpa? What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!" Then Uncle Grandpa said "That Uncle Grandpa is, but not this Uncle Grandpa." Then I said "Wait, so there's two Uncle Grandpas?" Then Pizza Steve said "It's a long story."

Then, we went over to the door to see what was going on. We all looked under the door crack and we saw Giant Realistic Flying Tiger without any of her fun on. She was wearing nothing but a black string bikini and she had her arms and legs tied up to the wall. Mr. Gus walked into the room naked and he started stripping Giant Realistic Flying Tiger of her bikini. Then, he fucked her. Then Uncle Grandpa said "Awww ... They look so cute together." Then Pizza Steve said "SHH!" Then I said "Don't worry Pizza Steve, they can't hear over the loud, explicit, profane heavy metal music that's playing.

Then Uncle Grandpa said "Awww ... Their the cutest couple in the world. Their like two little lovebirds in the springtime." Then Pizza Steve said "Bleagh!" Then I said "Okay, so this is the plan. Pizza Steve, you slip under the door and sneak into the room undetected and try to find something like a rope to tie up Mr. Gus while he's distracted by Giant Realistic Flying Tiger. Uncle Grandpa, you and I are going to sneak up on top of the RV and get onto the sunroof that's above Mr. Gus's room. After Pizza Steve captures him, put him under the sunroof and give us the signal."

The Pizza Steve said "What's the signal?" Then I said "Uh, I don't know just do some had gesture that's kinda ... signally." Then Pizza Steve said "Got it." Then I said "So then, after the signal, we jump down through the sunroof and attack him alright?" Then we all agreed and put our hands together and did out unity chant. Then, the plan commenced. Pizza Steve slipped under the door and snuck into the room. Me and Uncle Grandpa climbed up on top of the RV and got over the sunroof. Then I said "Now, what are we going to use as weapons when we attack?"

Then Uncle Grandpa said "I think that Belly Bag might have some weapons. Hey Belly Bag, do you have any good weapons we can use." Then Belly Bag said "You bet I do Uncle Grandpa." Then I said "Wait, Belly Bag? Weren't you dead?" Then Belly Bag said "That Belly Bag is, but not this Belly Bag." Then I said "Wait there's two Belly Bags?" Then Uncle Grandpa said "It's a long story." Then I said "So, what weapons do we have." Then Belly Bag said "I have the perfect weapon we can use." and he pulled out a nuclear bomb.

Then I said "Oh this is perfect, now we don't even need to jump down there. We can just drop the nuclear bomb and BOOM! Mr. Gus is dead." Meanwhile, Pizza Steve got some rope to tie up Mr. Gus. Then, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger saw Pizza Steve and Pizza Steve told her what to do so that he could catch Mr. Gus through some gestures. Then Giant Realistic Flying Tiger said "ROAR!!!" Then Mr. Gus said "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

Then Giant Realistic Flying Tiger said "ROAR!!!" Then Mr. Gus said "Shut Up!" Then Giant Realistic Flying Tiger said "ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!" Then Mr. Gus said "OKAY IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO FUCKING CHOKE YOU!!!" Then Giant Realistic Flying Tiger said "RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then Mr. Gus said "THAT'S IT!!!" I'm gunna kill you!" Then, he grabbed some rope and was about to kill Giant Realistic Flying Tiger with it until Pizza Steve tied him up in it instead. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger flew away and Mr. Gus said "What the fuck is happening here?" Then Pizza Steve said "Sorry Mr. Gus, but it looks like you're dead." Then Mr. Gus said "What? How the hell did you get in here, and how did - WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Then I said "Oh Mr. Gus!"

Mr. Gus looked up and saw us and then Mr. Gus said "WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF MY TRAP? AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU TWO COME BACK TO LIFE!?" Mr. Gus kept getting more and more mad at us. Then I said "Well, I wish we would stay here and make your life even more furious and miserable, but I think it's time we have to end it." Then I pulled out the nuclear bomb and dropped it. Then Mr. Gus said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And the bomb blew him up and Mr. Gus died and we all lived happily ever after. THE END!!! ... Wait ... Don't nuclear explosions kill everybody in the world and cause the apocalypse? ... oops ...

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