Freakazoid! - Episode 25

Freakazoid! was a TV show that ran on Cartoon Network in the early 90s. It didn't last that long, only containing two seasons with 24 episodes total. It spawned from the depths of hell that is the mind of Steven Speilberg. You know, the guy behind Animaniacs and Pinkie and The Brain and all that jazz. But why did I refer to his creative mind as the depths of hell literally two sentences ago? First of all, I'm crazy. Secondly... Well, let me just tell you the whole story...I worked as an intern at Cartoon Network from 1331 to 1997. I would watch various TV shows and determine whether or not an episode was appropriate for the targeted audience to air on television. It was late at night, and I just finished drinking my eighth bottle of beer. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I pass oulob5ujruvrz846sgs;bLH(*ERb kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkmjhv b

I just woke up. I would go back and delete what just happened, but then that wouldn't make this story scary, now would it?? I thought so.

Anyway, I was working at my desk one night and I heard a knock on the door. I was busy talking on the phone sex hot-line, so I motioned whoever it was to come in. I didn't recall his face. I worked there for a long frickin' time, and this was a man I was certain I never seen before. He simply walked up to me and put a disc on my desk, labeled "FZ!e025". It was written in a blue sharpie marker. I looked down at the disc, and when I looked back up to ask him what it was, he was gone without a trace. When I was done with the phone and the stapler (I won't go into details), I put the disc into my laptop. Immediately a video file began playing without warning, which I found rather strange. I assumed it was a setting in my operating system that I must have changed, so I just decided to watch it. Oh God what a mistake.

Within the first second I knew I was hearing the theme song of Freakazoid!. It started out as normal, but I noticed that slowly over time the pitch would get lower. It was very subtle, and could go unnoticed by anyone. But for someone who's seen the show a million times, I was certain that was happening. Anyway, after the opening theme, the scene fades into Freakazoid himself. There's no title card--Not even one line of text showing the episode's name. Not even any opening credits. The insane, off-the-wall blue hero we all know and love wasn't even himself. He just sat there in a chair, in a dark room only illuminated by the television he was staring at. Nothing was even on the TV; It was just static. Freakazoid sat there, staring at the static screen with a rather depressed look on his face. The expression was so convincing that I started to practically feel sorry for him. This whole thing was making me feel very uneasy, so like any person with common sense would, I opened the disc tray and trashed the DVD.

Now, do you really think I'd do that?! Hell no. I kept watching because I had nothing better to do.

Back on topic, this went on for what seemed like several minutes. Freakazoid, slouched over in an old battered chair, staring gloomily into a static TV screen. There was no audio besides the faint white noise omitting from said television. After maybe four minutes of this something else finally happened. And this is about when I got creeped out beyond belief. The camera slowly zoomed in on Freakazoid's face as he started staring at the camera. His depressing frown changed into a wide ear-to-ear grin, his eyeballs rolled to the back of his head, and hyper-realistic blood began pouring out of his mouth. At this rate all I could think was "Who would actually MAKE this?!" Eventually the white noise in the background started getting louder and louder until I had to mute my laptop. The entire scene then lost all its color... except red. Everything was a shade of red. And then, the show cut to black without warning. There was nothing for a good few seconds, so I un-muted my laptop so I could take out the disc. Big mistake. As soon as the sound was back on there was a loud, blood-curdling scream, followed by some plain white text in comic sans that read "ich bin am leben", with the number 666 printed underneath it.

I went to the Google translator to find out that was German for "I am alive". What could this be about?? Quite frankly, I didn't want to know.That night as I lay in bed I hear a clutter coming from the living room. I got up to see what it was, only to be shrouded in a mixture of shock and total fear. It was a tall, blue figure wearing some sort of red jumpsuit. It turned around and stared me right in the eye. I recognized that face. The grin, the hyper-realistic blood, the rolled-back eyes... Without warning it then lunged at me with a knife. I did all I could to fight it off as the theme from Attack on Titan played in the background. Eventually I got it off me, and it crawled out my window. It stared at me for a good few seconds, then left without a trace. My floor was covered in the hyper-realistic blood that was dripping from its mouth, and no matter what I did I could never clean it up.

Why am I telling you about this? Heed my words. If you ever come across a strange episode of a TV show, stop watching it immediately. You don't want some blue man to try to murder you, do ya? And if you ever come across the DVD, please, destroy it. I don't know what happened to it. I went to work the next morning only to find that it was gone. Not even where I left it. Whether someone took it, or it fell behind the desk, or the same strange man who gave it to me is giving it to someone else, I don't know. But if you find it, make certain no one will ever see it again.

And then a skeleton pooped out a skeleton that popped out.

Comments • 0

Loading comments...