Fuck T-Bo

I'm a normal guy. As such, I like normal things. It would stand to reason, therefore, that I'm super into porn. I'm not afraid to admit it. This explains why on this night, like any other, I was on my laptop on PornHub, browsing the front page. I've never been too into any particular genres, nor have I been averse to anything. Like I said, I'm a normal guy.

While many of the videos presented to me were fairly standard one particular video stood out to me. The video was called "Fuck T-Bo." The thumbnail for the video was that of T-Bo from the Nickelodeon TV Show iCarly, a guilty pleasure of mine that I had when I was a kid. I assumed the worst, as I had unfortunately come to expect. I have browsed the internet long enough to know the ins and outs of such content, but given my reputation for bravery and heroism, I've never been one to shy away from a challenge. After all, the worst result I could really face would be an hour-long vomit session in the bathroom and some serious self-reflection.

I clicked the video, and it started out as an episode of iCarly. I cannot recall which episode this was, but the scene contained was of Carly yelling at T-Bo. When she was done, T-Bo walked out of the room, and this is when the whole thing got really fucked up. The camera zoomed in on Carly's face as it began to twist and contort. As the camera got extremely close, the shot cross-faded to a sloppy drawing of Carly. This is when I knew that I should put the lube away, but I just couldn't move. For some reason, I was stunned. I mean, I knew PornHub's quality standards were pretty low, but not this bad.

The crudely drawn Carly appeared to have been sketched in crayon with the head of Miranda Cosgrove cut out from a magazine, and animated on several pieces of paper. Slowly, atop the head of this Cartoon Carly appeared the words, "Fuck T-Bo." She then produced a large knife. It may have been a kukri, or perhaps a machete. It could have even just been one of those really big steak knives, you know, those ones you get at Outback and think, like, 'wow, this is really cool,' but you would never actually buy one, because they're probably really expensive, like, fifteen bucks, or something, and your job at McDonalds really doesn't allow for those kind of impulse purchases?

Anyway, after she pulled out the knife, the video cut to a close up of Cartoon Carly, which appeared to be a screenshot from the show traced in crayon as a real knife came up to it, and she licked it in a provocative fashion. I suppose it was intended to be erotic, but if you were going to go that far to make something sexy, you might as well just put a dick in there somewhere, you know? At this point, I don't think they were going for anything sexy.

It was at this point that the music began to get loud. Oh yeah, the music, I probably should have established that. Basically, the music was this weird sort of sound. In fact, the word 'music' may be a bit flattering. It sort of sounded like somebody crying into the broad end of a saxophone. I have to say, this was not the typical porn soundtrack that I had come to expect. However, this was no typical porn video.

The Cartoon Carly began walking to the right side of the frame – if you can even call it that – at which a door appeared. Carly knocked on the door, and accompanying this was a loud knocking sound effect. Good thing I was wearing headphones at the time, or else my parents would have definitely been woken up at this point. The door opened slowly, and Carly walked inside. T-Bo stood there, a paper head cut- out on top of a crude stick figure. Unassuming, T-Bo sat there, attempting to place several cups of smoothie onto a stick. His efforts were in vain, however, as each attempt only resulted in the cups bursting, tropical smoothie spraying all over his rudimentary 'body'.

Words appeared at the top of the video, reading as such: "Fuck you, T-Bo." Accompanying the text was a loud, nigh ear-piercing whisper, reading the text aloud. The voice was pitched up to an extreme degree, and I could have sworn that there was blood pouring out my ear around my earbuds, though that may have been sweat; I didn't bother checking however, as my hands remained motionless, one in front of my gaping mouth and the other around my now flaccid chode.

T-Bo turned round, facing Carly and dropping his be-sticked smoothie cups. "Carly, what are you doing here?" he gasped, once again at a high volume. Carly once again produced her knife of unknown origin. The high pitched, hushed squeal meant to represent that of the character spoke once again, saying, "You have fucked me on this for the last time, T-Bo. It's time to end this." T-Bo chuckled nervously, offering a smoothie on a stick to quell her anger. This, however, was a fruitless effort; no amount of novelty food stuffs on a stick could satiate Carly's ceaseless, unending bloodlust.

Carly then pounced on T-Bo like a puma, or a tiger, or some other type of cat, and began to scalp T-Bo. Of course, given the paper and crayon style of the video, this only meant the tearing of the piece of paper meant to represent T-Bo, but nonetheless, I was stunned. The very idea of T-Bo being scalped was shocking enough for me. Screams began to overtake both of my ears, one of fear, and one of joy. Words began to appear once more on the paper. While some where gibberish and hard to make out, rapidly flashing frame-by-frame across the screen, phrases such as "Carly, you bitch," or "Fuck your smoothies" would appear, those of which were actually voiced atop the crescendo of screams and laughter. Gradually, the paper was torn, crumpled, and, after some time, was reduced to a torn apart bundle of paper. All sound was absent, and the scene slowly faded to black.

The video faded back into the actual episode, ending on Carly and her friends dining on a poorly edited-in T-Bo on a stick, the top of his head missing and his eyes crossed out. Atop the show's soundtrack was the very faded, yet still noticeable sound of a voice, low pitched and saddened, screaming and crying out for help. The video faded out and, after a long silence, I removed my hand from my mouth, and hit escape, bringing the video out of fullscreen. I looked down at the bottom parts of the screen, and noticed a few things. The video had no views, no up or down votes, and no comments. Could I have been the first and only person to have seen this? I didn't know.

I closed the tab, pulled up my pants, and decided to get a second opinion. I went on to 4chan, and made a new thread with the video url and a comment showing reading, "I just found this video and was really creeped out." I waited for people responding who agreed with me, but all that I found was people shrugging it off or calling me a moron. I was distraught. Was I going insane? Was I seeing something nobody else was? Do I just have really thin skin? No. I know what I saw.

I know you won't believe me, but I know what I saw. Feel free to tell me it wasn't that bad, or that I'm just overreacting. But I'm not. I know it was scary. I was really scared. If you don't believe me, look up the video for yourself, asshole.

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