GUYS JOEL OSTEEN IS EVIL!!!
Guys whatever you do DON'T go to Joel Osteens church in Lakewood! I went there with my family once and I walked into a storage room and what I saw (Not the movie) WILL SHOCK YOU!
THE TIME ME AND MY PARENTS WENT TO LAKEWOOD CHURCH!
So on a cloudy Sunday, me and my parents (Yes I still live with my parents because my parents sent me to a group home one time but I got kicked out of the group home because I was rubbing my pee pee with the napkins from the cafeteria in front of everyone in the court yard) Woke up at 8 o clock and we were almost late for church! My parents rushed me to get dress and we all got in the car to go to church but I forgot to take my medicine and they forgot to give it to me! When we arrived to the Lakewood church we got inside the church and that's when I went to explore the church because I do that when I am bored! I went inside the storage room and thats when I witness something very very spooky and terrifying! It was Joel Osteen doing a SATANIC RITUAL!
But that's not even the scariest part! I will get to the scariest part in a second! Anyways as I was shocked about what I just found The storage looked bigger then the entire church itself and there was so many Sonic the hedgehog fanart on the walls for some reason, Some of the fanart looked like sonic as a hybrid of Sonic and Pikachu from Pokemon! I was shocked to see that A church pastor was supporting the devil by doing satanic rituals but as soon as Joel Osteen summoned the entity it wasn't a demon or satan himself.
IT WAS CHRIS FUCKING CHANDLER AND SONICHU THE FUCKING POKEMON HEDGEHOG THINGY! (I don't fucking know what breed Sonichu is)
THE HORRIBLE THINGS JOEL OSTEEN DID TO ME!
I WAS SO SHOCKED ABOUT WHAT THE HELL WAS HAPPENING THAT I PASSED OUT! When I Woke Up I noticed I was in my bedroom lying on the floor. I looked around to see that everything looked like it never happened in the first place. I was relieved to know that Joel Osteen didn't do such things to me (Or so I thought) until I seen Joel Osteen and Chris Chan near my computer, Which was when I also noticed Joel Osteen with my zero two anime waifu pillow in his right hand and in his left hand was a lighter! Joel Osteen told me he was gonna make me watch him burn my waifu pillow and destroy my gaming set! Chris Chan held me down by using his evil sonichu powers to hold me down causing me to be held down to the floor. Joel Osteen flicked the lighter and started burning my anime waifu pillow. I could hear Zero Two screaming for my help as I broke down crying. I begged Joel Osteen to stop but no matter how many times I begged he still didn't stop. In fact, He kept laughing louder and louder. When Joel Osteen was done burning my waifu pillow to a crisp, Joel grabbed a sledge hammer and started smashing my gaming monitors. Joel Osteen was singing I'm only human by rag and bone man in a demonic low pitched voice as he was smashing my gaming monitor and my keyboard. I kept screaming but god quite literally wouldn't answer as Joel Osteen was burning my porn stash, destroying all the gaming merchandise I had, destroying my gaming consoles and my final fantasy games before Chris Chan teleported me into my gaming chair and Joel Osteen pushed me outside my room. I tried so hard to get up out my chair but I was strapped onto my chair like a magical force was making me sit down. Joel Osteen told me to enjoy my flight on spirit airlines before he pushed me down a flight of stairs and I hit my head on the wooden rail, Causing me to get knocked out. (To be honest spirit airline is ass anyways) I then had a dream where I was inside Joel Osteen's church and I walked inside a random hallway and as I was I seen Joel Osteen behind me walking towards me. The hallway then got increasingly longer and I started running for my life. However, I could see Chris Chan's face glowing in the dark for a split second in the one of the doors on the left as I was running but then I realized I was running in slow motion. I tried to scream but my I couldn't and I tried to beg Joel Osteen to stop nothing came out of my mouth either. When Joel Osteen caught up to me he grabbed me by the leg and ripped my fucking nutsack off. I then woke outside in the middle of a forest and I noticed the sky was red but to my horror, I seen Joel Osteen in front of me and sonichu was in front of the sun and Joel Osteen told me to enjoy the sun while I can because he, Chris Chan and Sonichu will take over the world and turn it into a totalitarian dictatorship...
WHAT HAPPENEND TO ME AFTERWARDS
After the vision Joel Osteen gave me I woke up in a white padded room in a white jacket that does not have any arm sleeves for whatever reason. (A weird design for a jacket if you ask me) A doctor came in the room and told me that I was here because I started drawing pentagrams at a church in a storage room, I went to a Walmart and started burning pillows with a lighter and I started smashing everything in the home appliances section with a sledgehammer, I pushed a old man in a wheel chair off some stairs in a retirement home and I hit a kid in the face with one of those plastic toy baseball bats. I tried to tell the doctor that Joel Osteen and Chris Chan did all those things and that Joel Osteen is going to take over the world and turn it into a totalitarian government where everyone can and will be forced to worship Sonichu but he wouldn't listen no matter how many times that I told him. Instead, He told me that I was crazy and that is why I am here in a mental facility. Dear reader this is a warning to everyone that we need to get prepared to destroy Joel Osteen and his evil church that is built upon the wicked Chris Chan and Sonichu before we all succumb to the evil Chris Chan and are forced into a life of slavery So Please spread the message so we can warn everyone!
This is made by michaeldesantagtafan
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