Game Theory: Vaporeon vs. Umbreon
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NSFW WARNING
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Hey fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be precise. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most definitely the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're in the mood! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course, baby doll eyes! As well as draining kiss, and with those ribbons it has it could pin you down and be on top, if you're the submissive kind of person of course. Quite a large moveset for breeding eh? Now, admittedly they don't have the best HP. but let's be honest, does that even matter? You aren't going to be beating them up right? Here's something else that's interesting to consider. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. This means it would be more reciprocative to you and your advances! So there's no need to worry about your Sylveon not being into you, I believe this would make it the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best Pokemon for humans.
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